Boyfriend is the Best Man in a Destination Wedding

Proper wedding etiquette would be for you and your significant other to be invited together. All couples should be viewed as a social unit and invited together, no matter what. Then you have the fact that it’s a destination wedding, which doubles down on the fact that everyone should have a significant other or plus one invited, as people should not be expected to travel alone. Then, tripling down would be the fact your significant other is the best man. All wedding party members should always have their significant others or a plus one.

Current wedding etiquette only requires a married, engaged, or living together couple to be invited as a unit. (You can check any wedding etiquette book or website. I’ve posted some in the past.) Couples can choose to be more inclusive, but that’s the minimum. At this point, I’d just focus on becoming friends or at least friendly with the people important to your boyfriend. Let the wedding invite come when it does. It sounds like it’s a ways off, so you don’t know what your situation will be.

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If you are hoping to make travel plans early, I would wait. The wedding is the Church ceremony where they make vows, and so this HI trip is really a second celebration. Some couples, especially if they're the ones paying for the wedding, decide to cancel the 2nd party to spend their money elsewhere. Or they may cancel due to a lower turnout because guests may prioritize weddings the first time around. Either way, you will be 4 years together and should they have this reception/ group vacation, it would be rude to not acknowledge you as your partner is BM. Overall, you can save your $, but wait until closer to time to book. In the meantime, it's good to make friends with the couple.