Black Tie Optional Reality?

Ah, many of you are just to young to remember Black Tie Optional. It is/was a real deal. Celia, I know you say that it is not a real thing, but I have heard the term for many, many years.

It truly means that the event is more formal, but does not require a tux for men.

Kathy: I'm pretty sure I'm not as young and clueless as you seem to think I am.

Mna, I never said that anyone was clueless. Please do not put words in my mouth that were not intended. I simply pointed out that this is a term that I have heard for many years.

Agree with MS. I've been to half a dozen black tie optional weddings. Date, father, and brother rented tuxes. I wore shorter cocktail dresses when I was in college, but wore a floor length gown to my last one, which was actually at the Omni William Penn, OP . I get that it may not fit/exist in the traditional rules of etiquette, but it does happen. I've also never really been offended by the presence of the note on the invitation. To answer the actual question you asked, if your guests aren't sure, they will google it, just like one of the PPs did. Those who have been to a black tie event are not going to deliberate too long on whether the optional means sundress, or something a little fancier. I think you could expect most to show up in attire fit for a very formal event.

@originallaura, out of curiosity, how are you wording your invitations?

She stated that while she's hosting a black tie event, she's not putting that on her invitations so her guests don't feel pressured to get tuxes and ball gowns etc. This is the correct approach. I'm quasi speaking for her, but she's written that in a previous post on this thread.

Her guests will know by the venue and the formality of the invitation what attire is appropriate.

Just to add fuel to the fire. It seems to me that many people, not necessarily the OP, use black tie optional when they really want to say "Formal" attire. My understanding is that, for weddings, the options for attire are: White Tie, Black Tie, Formal (rarely used), Cocktail, Garden, Dressy Casual, Casual.

It sounds like the OP is having a Black Tie affair. But honestly, if I showed up to a black tie affair under dressed, even if the invite said "optional," I would feel out of place, but that is just me.

Nope. Only black tie and white tie are defined in the etiquette sense. Please provide me with a universally agreed upon definition of dressy casual.

If you are having a true black tie affair, put Black Tie on your invites. I've been to several Black Tie affairs, everyone knows how to dress. If they don't, they will consult the Google.

As soon as you put "Black Tie Optional" on your invites, your wedding is no longer "Black Tie". It doesn't conform to the proper etiquette.

Aside the point personally I would appreciate an invite stating Black Tie Attire because clearly I'm not fancy/affluent enough to have ever been invited to one. So if by some mistake I ended up in a social circle where one was thrown, I'd be woefully underdressed unless I knew it was black tie attire. So I'd appreciate if in that respect.

Agree at nowasept. I would hate to have the bride assume I can't afford it, then show up underdressed. I could especially see this being an issue in a younger crowd where perhaps this is the guest's first black tie event and missed the clues in the invitation. I would feel uncomfortable the whole night.

Okay for those of you that don't think Black Tie optional is a thing, in the past few years I have either been invited to a wedding or worked a wedding that was black tie optional.

By saying this it gives people a better idea of how formal or not formal your wedding is.

I think people are very confused. A black tie or white tie affair will have the dress code included on the invites, it's part of the etiquette. Black and White Tie is not just a dress code, it's a whole level of service, protocols, and etiquette that are to be followed.

Black tie optional, formal, semi-formal, cocktail attire are not actual dress codes that you can put on invites and be within etiquette.

To follow up on Jessie's comment...

I thought that also. I thought that black tie/white tie was always on an invitation, not just as a dress code but because black tie denotes a whole other type of event.

OP, since you're wondering how many people will actually show up in black tie after you put "black tie optional" on your invite, I'll ask, how old are the majority of your guests? I think that would make a big difference.

It IS A THING! We are having a Saturday night affair in Philadelphia and it is common here. It is also what we are doing since FH doesn't want to make men feel obligated to buy/rent a tux!

Regardless, people are going to wear what they want anyway. Even if we put black tie, people are going to wear what they feel like wearing.

We are telling people who ask: long gowns, not cocktails and a tux or dark formal suit.

Once again, you do not put "Black Tie" on an invite as a dress code, because you want formal dress (OP you have addressed that you are having a proper Black Tie event, this doesn't apply to you). Black/White Tie indicates a series of dress, formality, protocols and etiquette that must be followed for a true "Black Tie" event. This includes live music, top shelf alcohol, white glove service, 5 course plated meals, passed hors d'oeurves, etc, etc. It's not so you can have guys in tuxes, and women in long gowns.

I'm not even going to begin to jump in on these comments, but I will say that I personally would be confused by the word "optional".