Black Tie Optional Reality?

Black tie optional isn't a thing. It's either black tie, which has a certain set of criteria, or it's not.

I'm under the impression that's either black tie or it's not. Haven't really seen the "optional" part before.

Google says:

"If you receive an invite with the term “black tie optional” know that it mostly applies to men who may or may not own or want to wear a tuxedo. For women, it means you have the option of wearing a full-length gown, or opting for a cocktail dress, so long as the hemline isn't too short or the style isn't too revealing."

So, you know, there ya go lol. Hopefully some other people on WW will have a little more input?

Agreed that 'Black Tie Optional' isn't a thing. I think it's best to avoid telling adults how to dress. They will infer how formal your event is based on the invitations and location and dress accordingly.

I've heard of semi-formal but not black tie optional. If you want black tie, have it be black tie? That will just confuse people to say optional.

ETA: if I was a guest and it was optional, I'd be stressed about what to wear

This is not a thing. As jacks said, it's either black tie or it's not. If this is for your wedding, you should put any dress code unless it is black tie. Which has a lot of requirements. Requirements, as in none of them are optional.

I've heard the expression, but don't really like it. (Also don't really like it when the dress code is on the invitation but that's beside the point)

Most people I know would translate black tie optional as formal and wear nice dresses or suits. But then no one I know owns a tux.

It all depends on your crowd.

Unless you're truly having a black tie affair or you're inviting only people under 18, it's rude to tell people how to dress.

We're truly having a black tie affair, and most people in our crowd own tuxedos or wear them regularly. A few folks in our families may not own tuxedos, and some of our younger guests (mid 20s?) likely rent instead of own (though we've never asked).

We were encouraged to list it as optional so folks wouldn't feel like they couldn't come if they didn't own tuxedos, but they'd understand the level of formality even if they weren't familiar with paper types, printing types, etc.

I don't regret how we worded it, whether others agree or not. We included it to reassure and clarify, not treat adults as children. You may or may not agree, but that's okay with me. I just wondered if anyone had experience with this, that's all.

My cousin had a black tie optional wedding. Its a thing. At hers, many dressed up nicely and lots of women wore long gowns knowing that they wouldn't be overdressed for the event. I wore a shorter dress and was happy that I could do so, also knowing I wouldn't be out of place.

I'm sorry, but I totally think it's appropriate to suggest a type of attire for an event you're putting on (whether it be a wedding or not) and it is by no means "telling an adult what to wear". Ultimately, the person putting on the clothes is the one making the choice and if they don't like it, they can not wear it and possibly feel out of place or not come.

Also, sorry for the snarky. It's been a long day and I'm on glass 2 of wine

I went to a "black tie optional" event, and it was all over the place. I was wearing a full length gown and some men wore tuxes. On the flip, some women had on club dresses, and some men looked really casual. It was really strange.

I think the same amount will come regardless of what you put. You know your friends/family better than we do, though. If you say that most people in your crowd own and wear tuxedos regularly then there shouldn't be a problem.

@Kelsey Ann, it's not a thing. It's an imaginary dress code that people put up hoping their guests will get dressed up real fancy without providing black tie level service. That's not actually a real dress code.

By black tie I mean (just to name three): valet service, live band, white glove service. There are about 10 criteria. Look it up.

People showed up in suits and short dresses for my friends black tie optional. My DH wore a tux because the bride told me that's what she preferred.

Don't worry, honey. I've looked it up. And it was a black tie event. They added the optional part in the dress code notation, just like OP wants to do/did, to let people know not to go out of their way to rent/buy nice gowns or tuxes if they didn't have it already. I think that providing the services and still letting guests know not to worry about the clothing you have on your body is a quite nice thing to do.

So yeah. It's a thing.

@Jacks, bingo.

And @Kelsey just because it's on the Internet (like my original Google find, which I do not agree with) doesn't make it true.

@Jacks, I'm sorry that's what you believe or what some people post. We're providing black tie service, from valets to white gloves to instruments.

We have the best of intentions, which means not ostracizing a few guests who likely can't afford it, while also ensuring an event equal to our tastes, lifestyles, and what we hope to provide our guests with.

I posted out of genuine curiosity. I guess this isn't a "thing" in some areas, but my curiosity isn't something I thought would be an issue or over which I think it's worth arguing.

@July, I'm surprised that you're quick to call this an "argument". It's a discussion. On a public forum. Really, what did you think was going to happen?

I guess the beauty of these forums, our own friends, countries, you name it, is our ability to be individuals with our own tastes.

If you're not into this style, that's fine. Totally fine. I don't really recall asking if black-tie optional was a "thing," but if you were trying to be helpful, thank you.

I'm trying to do what I believe is right by my guests. I'm getting married for the first time. Everything we each do may not be how others would. That is OK. I appreciate the feedback, love the comments from folks who experience, and wish everyone the best of luck and happiest of marriages.

You asked an etiquette question. I gave you the etiquette answer. You yourself said you couldn't find data. That's because it's not a formally recognized concept with clear guidelines. If you don't want your guests to feel uncomfortable, don't specify a dress code at all.

Definitely not an argument. Maybe I'm just from a region of the country that uses that very frequently and everyone knows what it is.

And please, I'm not one of those people who believes everything I see on the internet.