Backwards Wedding

In your situation, I would go ahead and do that, but don't keep it a secret from anyone. That will just lead to hurt feelings when it eventually comes out (these things always come out). Also, the wedding you are planning for 2021 would now just be a vow renewal or celebration of marriage, and there's nothing wrong with that!

I would just go elope and be married if that's what you want. There's no need to keep it a secret and it likely won't remain one for 2.5 years. If you want to do a vow renewal on that date, that's fine, but it's not a full blown wedding as you'd already be married. There would still be a ceremony and a reception, but I wouldn't expect a bridal shower, bach party, or probably even a wedding party.
I'd call private insurance companies for quotes. Call several. See which is the better/more affordable/better coverage option.

Definitely do what you need to do and get married when you feel is best! You can of course still have the big ceremony and reception afterwords! You’ll just have to call it the “vow renewal” instead of ceremony. I exchange rings at both your wedding ceremony and at your vow renewal.

I think you do whatever feels right to you guys! You can do rings now, or wait. I don't think there is a right/wrong way to do it.

Have you checked your companies policies on allowing a domestic partner to be on your plan? My fiance is on my plan and has been for quite sometime, we do live together though.

I have a friend who knows people who have done this.

The way this works best is if you literally tell no one, and continue as if you're engaged. No wedding bands or anything until you throw the big party.

Otherwise you tell everyone and have a vow renewal or something. The downside here is how your family and friends will feel about that---will you still get the "wedding" experience that you want?

I understand what you are trying to do. I agree that if you want the most people to show up to your "big wedding" it is probably best to keep the ceremony secret. I have friends that eloped and had a bigger wedding later and some of the guests chose not to go since they knew the couple was already married. I am a health insurance broker though so my advice is too ask your employer if they allow domestic partners or require a certificate. My fiance and I have lived together for 5 years and we are on his insurance together because they allow Legal domicile members. Doesn't hurt to ask...

My friend did the same thing for medical reasons. Then the next year They "got married" and had the whole thing .. I think its a good idea but l don't get why you can't let it be known your already married?

I would elope and have a vow renewel/reception later.

I think it's worth exploring if there are any other options with your insurance, can you speak to your job and HR and see if you qualify as domestic partners or anything like that?

Just do a JOP and then in 2 1/2 years do a vow renewal ceremony and you can continue planning. WE thought about doing that because I lost my job during the planning and I have several illnesses where I need to be covered insurance wise but I got lucky and found something else and was able to get insurance within 2months. Now my illnesses are acting up since I'm getting a bit stressed out but I think this is a personal decision and i def agree with the vow renewal.

Definitely get married if that’s your option for the health insurance but don’t keep it a secret. My grandparents had a vow renewal for their 50th anniversary & it was very special. My 2 uncles walked my grandmother down the aisle & they had their best friends standing up with them. Afterwards we had a cake & a few people gave them some little gifts & money. So just consider your wedding a renewal & tell everyone you want to celebrate with them just like you would any other wedding! I do agree you won’t really need a bridal shower since you’ll have most of your home decor but maybe your BP could plan a little lingerie shower or pj party whatever you like to call it, that’s what my mom is doing for me the night before my wedding because we won’t have family in town until then & we don’t want a full blown bridal shower

We did the the courthouse ceremony a year and a half ago and we’re having our wedding celebrations in a month and a half! I think about 90% of the guests know we’re already legally married but we’re still calling it a ceremony. We wear rings, sometimes we don’t, and no one has really questioned that. Do what you guys think is right for you both and the rest doesn’t matter.

For some more background only my parents and my sister attended the courthouse ceremony, FH is from England so with the short notice of us wanting to get legally married his family was not able to attend. We wanted to celebrate with our close ones and give everyone plenty of notice of the wedding so that’s why we decided to plan for the celebrations with over a year to plan.

View Quoted Comment

Mostly because we want to still have the whole wedding experience. We want to have a bachelorette and bachelor parties with our bridals parties and we want to have the bridal shower too. We already have lived together for 3 years so we have most things we need that we would get from a bridal shower but it would be nice to have some of our older items be replaced.

View Quoted Comment

My fiancé and I have already lived together for (going on) 4 years, So we don't really need a bridal shower, however we did want want because our old goodwill stuff could use an upgrade. And I know both my fiancé and I wanted the bachelor/ette parties, my MOH has been talking my ear off about it lol.

View Quoted Comment

No need to judge, she wanted opinions, and this is the way I've seen it work if you don't want people to know you're married.

If you don't care if it gets out, tell your immediate families. But once they know, you have to know that there is a chance it gets further than that. If you don't want anyone to know you're married, then you don't tell anyone.

View Quoted Comment

It sucks, but you can't have your cake and eat it too. If you get married now, then that's it. You're married. You can have a vow renewal or celebration of marriage, but you can't get married twice without divorce or annulment in between. I struggled with the same thought, and ended up just planning a wedding sooner which fortunately worked out.

View Quoted Comment Honestly it sounds like you want to lie to people so they’ll buy you extra gifts/spend more money celebrating you and that’s a crappy reason to not tell people you’re married.

View Quoted Comment

It's bad advice though. It's like suggesting it's okay to lie about having a college degree as long as the people who are in the know keep quiet about it. Lying like that to the people you care about is extremely slimy.

View Quoted Comment Thought the same thing.
Lying to people just so you get extra parties is shady.

View Quoted Comment

Read what I said again.

"The way this works best is if you literally tell no one, and continue as if you're engaged. No wedding bands or anything until you throw the big party.

Otherwise you tell everyone and have a vow renewal or something. The downside here is how your family and friends will feel about that---will you still get the "wedding" experience that you want?"

I'm not going to judge her life--if she doesn't want people to know then she shouldn't tell anyone. That's her choice. If she's uncomfortable with that then she needs to make a different choice.

If she is okay with her immediate family knowing then she should be prepared for it to get out, and to have a different experience than a traditional wedding.

It's up to her.

::shrug:: I'm not here to judge which she chooses.