Bachelorette party disaster

Well, yeah you did say that...

"if your out here to celebrate me why are u separating yourself."

Again, everyone has cell phones. they could have met up with you to get the key. That was the choice you made

I read this and thought "What is she upset about? It would be my dream if people were allowed to do their own thing and opt in/out of certain parts of the bachelorette party. I'd love to have that night to myself after being around people... My BP won't even leave me alone when I want to use the bathroom. She's so lucky."

My point is NOT that you should think that way too. It's just that people are all very different. Some people (like me and your MOH) want time NOT around a gaggle of girls. Some people (most of my BMs and you) are extroverts and want to be in a big group 24/7. But here's the thing about your MOH and BMs: they're probably all doing their best while trying to remain sane.

Sidenote: People who are trying to blame you for having a destination BP are misguided. Our BPs determine what the bachelorette party is and whether it's a night or a week. What are we supposed to do if they plan a destination one? Should we say "eh I know you guys all planned this, but no"? I can guarantee that wouldn't go over well either. There's no winning.

If you wanted to go out and have fun on your last night on vacation, why didn't you? I think to expect all your friends to do exactly what you want them to do for the entire trip, whether or not it's your bachelorette party, is a lot to ask of them. They're on vacation too. And although it is a celebration of you, I don't think it's realistic to expect them to focus completely on you at all times and do everything you want them to do.

Is it just me or would a night just chilling by myself in a hotel room sound like the most amazing thing in the world? Hopefully the hotel had a hot tub and booze.

I'm just confused as why you got stuck in the room. If people chose to go out without the rest of the group, knowing they didn't have a key to get back in whenever they wanted, that is on them. If you really wanted to go out and party with part of the group you definitely could have. You chose to stay in the room and sulk.

This is why weekend-long bachelorette parties are ridiculous. Tbh you sound a little entitled with wanting your friends to "celebrate you" the entire time. It's a whole weekend, it's a lot of time.

I promise you the hotel would not let your girls locked out for hours.

Someone would find a way. I lose my hotel keys all the time.

You sound a lot like a bride I was in the wedding years ago, the difference is that she decided to show self pity the entire reception because we, the bridesmaids, were not all dancing only with her, or telling her how amazing she was.

We spent thousands to be in her wedding (I am NOT kidding) and we were just glad it was over. it was exhausting to deal with her need for reassurance and emotional support for over a year, as much as your friends love you they have their own lives and they are entitled to their own choices. Being stuck in a place where people are not getting along sucks, I am glad they decided to part ways and have fun regardless (trust me, could have gotten way worse), you should have done the very same.

My mom always say, you are not a tree, not happy were you are? MOVE IT.

Deal with it now and come to terms that your wedding is VERY important - TO YOU -. no one can make you feel miserable unless you allow it.

Note: I do get the fact that sucks that people did not give you the attention you expected: it's like being invited to a dinner and left locked outside watching everyone eat. I get it, but people are always so hard to please and so different in many ways. don't let their ways of dealing with situations get to you and ruin your moment. At least now you know destination trip with girls is a very risky thing!

eta: words

Yes, maybe it sucks but those are the friends YOU chose to surround yourself with. Either love them despite their selfish ways or find new friends. I do think you are acting a little entitled but I also think that your friends should be a little more considerate. Did they notice you were hurt or were you saying you were fine and wanted to stay in? People can't read minds. Sorry you are disappointed. Maybe you can go out in your hometown with one or two of your best friends as a small bachelorette at home.

Also your friends are adults and everyone has cell phones. I am sure you could have figured out a way to get back into your room if you had tried.

Sounds like a mix of different personalities that didn't mesh well, everyone wanted to do their own thing. It seems like it made you uncomfortable, and you didn't want to choose sides.

The bachelorette party is meant to celebrate you, otherwise it would just be a regular fucking vacation. That's my opinion anyway. Doesn't seem like you hosted this yourself, they (or some"one") hosted it for you, therefore you actually are to be celebrated. Not every second of the day(s), but at least for some of it.

Everyone did their own thing, and left you in the room. Now, if one group asked you/begged you to come out with them, and you sulked and said no, that's on you. But if they all got huffy, and just walked out without making sure you were good, then I think that's pretty fucked up.

If I were your friend, I'm either dragging your ass out of the house with me, or I'm going to throw my pj's on, get some wine and pizza and I'll sit there with you.

I'm sorry you had a shitty experience.

For the record, I hate big to-do bach parties. I also hate doing group trips. Well, I hate everything so there's that.

I am sorry.

This is why I don't do weekend girl trips... love my friends but .... too many girls with too much time together rarely ends well IMO (I also am introverted and need my decompress time tho)

ETA: I don't see what is wrong with your cousin wanting to do something different.. it's her vacay too. I think that's normal

Can some please tell me the definition of a "bachelorette party"?

Ugh I'm sorry. I have a mix of different personalities staying in a house together in July for mine (MOH and BMs planned, I did not request). I'm definitely nervous of having drama.

Honestly, it sounds like you chose to sitting the room and sulk.

As others have said, if someone wanted to go back, they could call the person with the key and meet up with them to get that key.

You should have gone out, why would you ever just sit in the room by yourself?

"Sidenote: People who are trying to blame you for having a destination BP are misguided. Our BPs determine what the bachelorette party is and whether it's a night or a week. What are we supposed to do if they plan a destination one? Should we say "eh I know you guys all planned this, but no"? I can guarantee that wouldn't go over well either. There's no winning."

I mean, a bachelorette party is supposed to be planned FOR you, so you would think your girls would know what kinds of things you're into and if they're unsure, they ask. They had to ask for dates and stuff, so that's an ideal time to say you're not into weekend long parties. There's nothing wrong with that. Not sure what you mean by guaranteeing that wouldn't go over well. You're not forced to have a bach party, let alone a destination one, just because someone wants to plan it for you.

My friends brought up a destination bach with me. There was a huge sale on flights to Iceland and one of my friends had an entire itinerary already planned, which included some things I'd mentioned to her in the past, like spending a day soaking in the Blue Lagoon. I said no because it was just too much and honestly, it would make me feel weird that my friends spent so much money and time to celebrate with me when I'm just as happy having a local get-together where no one has to spend money or take time off work. In the end, we had a girls night locally and ended it with movies, junk food, and wine. It wasn't a planned sleepover, but we were up so late talking, having fun, and drinking that we ended up all staying over and having breakfast together the next morning. It was perfect.

I dont agree with some people here. If your bridal party chose to have your Bachelorette in Miami, then I would think they would want to spend time with you. Instead they made it an excuse to go on vacation. Anyone would feel hurt if their BP wanted to go off on their own. Looking on the bright side, you will soon marry your best friend who will be there for you.

Anytime you mix people with alcohol there is an increased risk of drama. Sorry it happened to you, but move on and the enjoy the rest of things.

Nothing is ever all about you. Put your big girl panties on.

Did I read your profile and post correctly? You're from Fullerton, California, and your ladies hosted a BP for you in Miami, Florida? Wow. What's that...2,700 miles? Oops, wrong...it 2,715 miles -- not for a wedding, but for a BP. Your ladies are fabulous...because, me? I must be rude because I'm not traveling more than 600 miles for a family wedding, let alone a bachelorette party. But, hey, your gals were on board, until someone didn't celebrate you -- is that the gist of your complaint? I'm getting ahead of myself. Oh, and I didn't read the other posts, so I'm not being influenced.

Let's take it from the top (and I'm a mom of two adult kids in their early 30's. There isn't much "woe is me" I haven't heard, so I tend to speak to the real issue -- especially when my kids are focusing on the wrong thing. You can accept my input or reject it): First of all, Kashawn, it's Tuesday morning, so that means your Sunday wedding is FIVE DAYS away. I'd be looking toward the future and thinking about all of those last minute details, but if you want to look at the past, let's do so. You'll get a fair shake in this community -- I promise. We empathize with brides facing...what was the word you used? Oh, yes, it was "disaster". The last true disaster I recall was about two and a half weeks ago...the bride, weeks from her wedding, learned that her venue had lost their liquor license. They lied to her and told her that it would be fine to bring in her own alcohol. If she would have done that, her reception, fully paid for, could have been shut down. THAT was a disaster. But, you've got my attention.

I read your post and the first thing I noticed with your discontent with your BP. Do you know how many times you referenced yourself in your post, and do you realize with what level of esteem you did so? Maybe not, so here's the truth: "...MOH brought her friend on the trip which I'm ok with but then they started separating themselves from the group which if your out here to celebrate me why are u separating yourself." That required a question mark, but I digress. It's a valid question, and if the MOH were here and positing, I'm sure we'd get some insight. However, that's not the case. In any event, we have bigger fish to fry -- after all, this was a "disaster".

So, your MOH, the most important and special peer in your life, brought another friend to your long distance BP. I know you didn't pay for her expenses, so you started on a level playing field. Ooops, I get it, your MOH spent time with her friend instead of celebrating you, right? It doesn't matter that the whole event was in your honor -- you needed 24/7 honor (at least that's how it's reading). Okay. The picture's getting clearer. It's not looking so good -- sorry to say -- but I'll keep an open mind.

Next, leading up to the disaster, you wrote, "Then yesterday everything came to a head when my MOH wanted to do her own thing but the group wanted to do something different. One of my friends and my MOH had so much tension between each other which put me in the middle and stressed me out which I'm already stressed because I may not have a job when I come back to work because they may lay us off." Wait, this social friction stressed you out because it was social friction, or because you might not have a job for much longer? Those are two separate and distinct issues, and if it's about the job, that's a different subject (a far more important subject that BM drama). Anyway, where were you in this debate? You have the facts, so did you weigh in? Why did your MOH, your closest female friend, want to leave the group and do something else with her friend? Maybe the party was over, and it was downtime (since it was yesterday, that makes sense). My experience, and it's a longer experience than I like to admit, has been that if I'm having fun in the group, I don't want to play Solitaire. Something happened, and that something probably had to do with how honored (or dishonored) you felt -- and how distanced your MOH felt from the group.

You mentioned the probability of losing your job. Yes, that sucks. In fact, yesterday one bride-to- be posted a thread entitled, "I lost my job today". She was completely blindsided. She didn't have any warning -- no " I may not have a job", but a definitive, "I don't have a job". She'll recover, and so will you. So, while that may have been weighing on your mind, it has nothing to do with a MOH who chose, during the final hours of this trip, to separate from your group. The only reason a person or a couple will do something like that is because the party is over, or because they've been made to feel unwelcomed -- and whether or not you agree, their perception is their reality.

You end your post with an expressed wish to go home to FH -- and this comment, "My last night on vacation and everyone was being selfish and didn't even consider me into the equation." There's a healthy dose of unrealistic expectation in this post, and it began with, what is in my opinion, an absolutely over-the-top, self-indulgent bachlorette party. Yeah, I'm sure that hurt, but that wasn't my intention. It's just the truth. A night out with the girls having a blast and having a limo for the night? Excellent...and you would have had a fabulous time for far less money. These multi-day, too expensive BPs? They set you up for disappointment...and your post is proof of that.

Now...here's the good news. On Saturday, you're going to be absolutely shocked by the fact that you wedding day will arrive with the next dawning of the sun. You won't care -- or you shouldn't -- that your MOH got involved in some silly, (probably) alcohol fueled drama with the rest of your bridal party at a BP in Miami. Leave it alone. Leave it alone. Leave it alone. What you need to think about is the gorgeous gown you're going to wear, the way your face will look when the MUA makes you look like someone out of the pages of a magazine, the throngs of guests who are gathering to celebrate your wedding. You think about the ceremony -- the first look -- the all too short moment when you walk down the aisle accompanied by emotional music you selected -- and the flashing cameras and cell phones capturing your gorgeous image. You walk into your reception...you smell the amazing food you not only chose, but paid for...you think about your first dance, and if you can possibly hold it together when the emotion is just that raw, you think about your family, your friends, and the generous gifts they're bringing for you. Just for you. You practice saying, as authentically as you can, "Oh, thank you", because you're going to be told -- more times than you count -- how stunning you are (and it will be the truth).

Move ahead...the best is yet to come. Anything in the rear view mirror just appears closer than it is really is. Have a wonderful, magical, memorable wedding day.