bachelorette fail :(

K squared is nothing about my wedding what make me sad and hurt, I don't need help with my wedding I have done all by myself and everything is almost done. Vicki I know what you saying 2 of them really hurt me but at this point I am just letting go , I am not going to remove them from my wedding I know some day they will realized .

But this is not about me but who post this if she is disappointed let her be.

I know I am doing the right thing by everyone but like my Gradma used to say don't do anything expecting something back, and it is what I am doing ... letting go . I don't want to share here what happen but thank you all for all the opinions .

I agree with Cecilia 110%. I was a bridesmaid twice and for me it was an honor and I helped the bride in all she asked me too, I offered my help. As a bride you want the closest friends by your side when you are preparing for the most important day of your life, that is why you hand pick your bridesmaids and especially the MOH. It is a "job" that REAL friends do it with honor and pleasure. It is not to show up in a nice dress and look pretty. People are either losing the meaning of bridesmaids/MOH of people don't have REAL friends anymore.

It is true, as bride you are not entitled to ask anything to your MOH/BM, they are entitled to offer their help because they are your friends, and that's what friends do. I guess, we, as society are losing the real meaning of friendship.

Finally someone understood

My point !! Thanks MariaPazD

Maria Paz, did the bride to be also ask her FH for help or was it only bridesmaids who were expected to help decorate and stuff envelopes? Friendship is important and I expect my friends to be happy for me that I'm marrying my best friend and to support my relationship. But I don't expect them to help plan the biggest day of my life (so far) that honor is reserved for my FH. I keep harping and asking this question because it seems that the brides to be who are so let down by their friends and are upset with their lack of involvement don't have the same expectations for their fh. And I'm just wondering why that is beyond the usual bs of, men just don't like planning but my friends should totally be into helping me stuff 150 envelopes.

Back in the day, the duties of bridesmaids included dressing up exactly like the bride so that evil spirits wouldn't know which woman to possess. Seriously.

It's interesting that people want to go back to the time when others were obligated to plan a party for them but not so far back that they have to share their day in the gown with others.

Exactly what criteria are you using to decide which historical period is the right one? Besides "I want this"?

Cecilia and MariaP you seem to contradict yourselves.

C-"like my Gradma used to say don't do anything expecting something back" but you seem to have pretty high expectations.

M-"It is true, as bride you are not entitled to ask anything to your MOH/BM, they are entitled to offer their help because they are your friends, and that's what friends do." Ask and offer are not the same thing.

Society is not losing the real meaning of friendship. It is like my mom (OG Nonna) used to say (which loses a lot in the translation): Births, deaths and weddings bring out the assahola in some people."

Sarah....you got it totally wrong, you know your friends and you know in what capacity your friends can help you in the preparation of your wedding and even without doing nothing, but listen to you, because we as bride talk too much about wedding stuff. What I am saying is that if a person accepted to be a MOH/BH is because that person knows that "job" requires some type of help to the bride and any way (decor, research, listen, opinion,etc.) You don't have to ask for help.

Again, HELP it doesn't mean planning your weeding for you, it means giving you advice, be happy when you talk about wedding stuff, opinions, research sometimes helps too. C'mon it isn't that hard.

If you spend 2 + hrs on facebook, you can help your bride friends with some research

This whole post is just...."Ewwww" Really, you planned your own party and got mad that your girls wanted nothing to do with it? Most likely they didn't plan you one because they wanted to skip this scene. Ugggh, buck up princess, At least they gave you something. I wouldn't have even gone to the party if the bride planned it. Entitled much?!

@Kristin, I am getting married in October and just had mine. Also just attended one for a friend getting married in November. There isn't a specific timeframe when the Bach is supposed to occur.

OP, I'm sorry that happened. I think they probably weren't too into it from the beginning (and why you ended up having to take over the planning). They probably didn't realize how they were making you feel. I don't think there is a lot you can do at this point but move forward and make sure to plan good parties if you are ever a MOH or BM.

@K squared - I'm confused by your earlier post. Are you suggesting that the FS shouldn't be asked to help in planning? Or were you just referring to the bachelorette? Thanks for the clarification!

OP - it sounds like your friends either couldn't afford or weren't interested in a bachelorette party. It sounds like you got somewhere to stay for free? And it was gross? I wonder why. Your friends probably felt obligated to do something or get you something because you planned everything but you do not plan your own bachelorette party. If it wasn't being planned for you, you shouldn't have done anything. It sounds like you still got to go to the bars with a few people. Which you still would have been able to do had you not planned your own bachelorette party but your friends wouldn't have felt uncomfortable and you wouldn't have felt disappointed.

@MariaPaz - You OFFERED your help. You were not asked, ordered, or directed to do anything. That is different. My MOH lives two hours away and like me, has a full time job. On a bad day with traffic, it can take her upwards of three or more hours to get here. I am thankful that she has come to a few fun things with me, like the cake tasting, but I would never ASK her or demand she comes because it's a JOB only real friends do. FFS, not everyone's lives are going to revolve around your wedding. If you have offered help, great. If you don't, that's great too. You are also wrong that BMs accept their position because they know they will have to help with decor, research, opinions. Opinions? Okay maybe. Decor? Research? No. Wrong. It's your wedding. Make your own decorations should you feel the need to DIY and do your own damn research.

Adventure Ruth, I'm implying the opposite. The FH should always be involved in wedding planning, especially over the wedding party.

God, I don't want my friends to accept being in my wedding because they want to help, I want them to accept because they want to go to a kick-arse party and eat and drink their faces off! If you just want people to do planning and work, you can hire someone.

I don't think you should be upset with them at all. Pretty much what everyone else has already said. No bride is entitled to a bachelorette party or bridal shower or anything and they really shouldn't be planning their own. its not a bridesmaids "job" to do these things. I'm not having either. (although my husband to be has asked me to join his so it can be a bachelor/ette combined thing. All I really want is for my bridesmaids to be with me the day of and celebrate with me after at the reception.

Hi Brittany! I'm really sorry you were so disappointed in your bachelorette party. It seems like they could have at least been excited or in a good mood for it!!

I'm not really sure what thoughts you're looking for and would just try to let this go. How would a conversation about your bachelorette party go anyway? "I'm mad you didn't plan a better party for me" or "I'm mad you weren't more excited" is a weird conversation to have, and will definitely cause more upset feelings on all sides. They might have just been confused over who was planning the party!

Just focus on your wedding! Make that the best party ever!

I have gotten very lucky with friends (my bridal party) who are continually asking to help, and planning stuff for me.... But they definitely don't do it because it is their job, or because I in anyway made them feel as if they had too. They do it because that's the type of friends I am lucky enough to have in my life. They've been planning my birthday parties for me for years, they invite me on trips, and we all take turns buying each others lunches and drinks. I do the same for them. They are standing with me on the day of, because they are some of the most important people to me, because they deserve to be seen and honored EVEN on my and my FH's big day, because without them I am not who I am, because without them I would not be standing at the end of that isle. The rest of my friends and family need to know that I am lucky enough to not only have an amazing future husband, but a small army of girls who love me, support me, and will always be there.

Friendship for me is on almost the same playing field as being in love and being married though. Will I be fine with only my husband for the rest of my life? Of course. But I have this amazing group of people who I never want to live without, and I will honor them in every way I know how for as long as I can.

So no, my bridesmaids are not obligated to do anything but show up and stand by me. Heck, I told one of them to stop planning all she was planning as it was taking her away from her work and family. I've told them all how the only important things to me in regards to being in the wedding are that they enjoy it with me.

That's what your friends and family are for. Not for fancy bachelorette parties or showers, or expensive day of emergency kits. They aren't your slaves for all of your DIY projects you just had to have because Pintrest told you so. They are your friends, your sisters, daughters for some. They should be treated with respect and not expectation. You get a lot more out of life when you let go of expectations anyways..

One more thing to rant about in this post... If you feel you have to throw yourself a party of any sort, asking someone to pay for it is almost worse than a cash bar. Fine, throw a party in your honor if you must, but you have to be the host too.

ETA- I realize the beginning of this sounds as if I'm bragging that I have good friends and others don't. But that was not at all my intention. Just wanted to make a point that they are free to make their own decisions, and that I would have been completely happy if they didn't do a single thing. Honestly I think I would be happier if they didn't because I really don't want them to have to do any work. I really just wanted to get at the fact that your friendships should be treated with the same care as your romantic relationship.... If that makes since?

You're not supposed to plan your own bachelorette party. Your friends didn't have to plan anything for you. I'd get over it.

What in the actual fact did I just read?

@OP, sounds like you did a bad job planning. If you want friends to be excited to go to a bach, or be invested in a bach then you need to give them a reason to be.

Hopefully mine goes better, even though I did have a hand in planning it (paying for the hotel room).

I mean... you planned your own bachelorette party. Your MOH and BMs are not obligated to throw you parties just because you are getting married. They are supposed to be your nearest and dearest - not a wedding planning committee.