bachelorette fail :(

There has never been "duties" for bridesmaids. Your bridal party is supposed to be your most honored friends not your glitter covered slaves.

I give up. Whatever.

OP, can you clarify what happened during the planning process? Did you plan your bach or was someone else originally responsible for planning it?

Cecilia, in the old days, as you call them (I do too), we spent many an evening fashioning thousands of tissue paper flowers for the cars the bridal party drove in.

And nights of addressing hundreds of invitations.

Many other tedious but fun things.

Our parents paid for these parties. They were happy to--it was a social obligation as well as a badge of honor to make a wedding they would be proud of.

Times change and so must we.

Couples marry later. They want the wedding celebration to be their way, with their friends and family they choose. So they pay for it.

And they choose a bridal party for the original intent--a person (or persons) to stand witness to their marriage vows.

Whatever they are wearing, however unevenly matched, without responsibilities of parties or grunt work.

No one said you can't go back to those days. But you have to be willing to do those things, not just wish someone will do them for you. And not because you expect it in return.

Keisha , by the way I never ask my Bridesmaids to help me with anything, beside once when I want to do lunch and fails, no one could go, and they are not spending a dime for my wedding, no bridal shower , no bachelorette party. Their dress , hair, makeup I am paying for so they don't have to. So it is nothing to be disappointed on me since I am not asking for anything. All I am saying is years ago Bridesmaids duties was helping the Bride not only in the day of the wedding , I don't understand why is so hard for you guys to understand that.

Yeah, historically bridesmaids were expected to do a bunch of shit for the bride.

But historically, marriage was it for women in terms of opportunity. These historic bridesmaids? They didn't have real jobs occupying their time. Their job was to help their friend get married, and sit around and wait for the same to happen to them.

So yeah, what a shame that women have more going on in their lives than their friends marriage now.

My disappointment is not even about or related to wedding but with the friendship.

Cecilia, is your FH expected to plan or do you only expect that from your bridesmaids?

I am glad how many of you are so happy with the wedding party, wonder why so many complaints about them here in this site, interesting.

There are complaints, yes.

Now read the responses.

Many will reference the bride or groom's actions and attitude.

You mentioned friendship.

Be a better friend. If you want something to change, you change yourself, not others.

Nona T thanks for your post , that it is exactly the message I was trying to pass, but of course everything got twisted like I expect or even making a glitter slaves.

So I'm going to go with no. You only expect your bridesmaids to help with "planning" while probably not expecting much of your FH. I'm not disappointed with my bridesmaids at all. I would be disappointed with my FH if he wasn't involved as much as he is.

Cecilia do not pay for their stuff. That is all you mention, how you are paying and they can't do anything or spend time with you. I do not come on the internet and complain about my girls because there is no need. We are friends. If I have an issue with them I talk to them about it regardless of how hard the convo is. That is why they are considered my nearest and dearest. We can call each other on our shit, listen and work through it. We don't sit and wallow and not say a thing

Don't thank me. I lived those times.

Looking back, everything seems simpler.

Well that's not always or even usually the case.

Things were different.

We have to change with them or get left behind.

I am in my 60s. I don't try to act 20, 30 or 40. But I am not getting left behind--nuh uh.

Need to get off my soapbox and hire some students for fall now but I will check back.

What I am disappointed of 2 of them Has nothing to do with my wedding, and why you all assume it is my fault? No one knows why I am feeling like that, they did something to me that A FRiend should never do, and has nothing to do with my wedding. I am paying because when I asked them to be part of my wedding first thing they told me was I don't have money to spend and because I love those girls I choose I offer to pay for them. But I never asked anyone to do anything for me for the wedding and not even before, so people stop judging and understand all I say is back on the day Bridesmaids had duties.

Nona T I was raise by my grandmother who passed with 101 years old, all I have to say is how sad people turn to be those days, it is no more manors, no more traditions, no more time for each other, I am very proud to who I become as person today and I thank my grandma who thought me values that u fortunately you don't see very often anymore.

YIKES Cecilia.... can we spell entitled?

You pick people to stand with you, in theory, because they are there to support you. That's really it. They should not be expected to arrange flowers, shlep stuff, clean up or do any other menial tasks. If they want to go dress shopping, fab. If not, well then they don't.

Celia, I know you said that you haven't asked your friends for anything but seem disappointed that they haven't stepped up in their "duties" Are you equally disappointed in your FH? Have you asked him for help?

@Cecilia why are they in your wedding if they've done something so terrible to you? This makes 0 sense.

Skimming over the comments I agree you shouldn't have planned your own party and it sounds like maybe you don't have a very supportive bridal party in the first place. If I were asked to be a MOH or bridesmaid I would NEVER accept the invitation to be in the bridal party and not make an effort to plan a shower and bachelorette party. I realize all that's expected is to show up sober (ish) in the required outfit and I'd never push anything onto my girls they don't offer, but they have offered and they're so excited to help with things and plan things. I don't understand these brides that complain all the time about how awful their bridal party is. Why the hell did you pick them?!