Babies at bridal shower

Expect that your FSIL to decline both events if her new baby can’t come. It’s your call, but it’s completely unrealistic to expect a mom to leave her 2 month old baby with a sitter for an entire day. Likely she will still be breastfeeding every few hours.

View Quoted Comment That seems a bit extreme, but thanks for your input. It’s a 2 hour shower. I’d expect for the baby to be with her dad.

Generally newborns are the exception to the no kid rule. If she’s breastfeeding she will need baby with her the day of the wedding. It’s not just as simple as pump. Pumping doesn’t work for everyone and not every baby will even drink from a bottle

View Quoted Comment You said your shower was a couple weeks away. I wouldn’t leave my few week old baby because what if they get hungry? At a few weeks old the mother is usually the only source of food for a child since most mothers don’t pump until later. You also mentioned not wanting the baby there when you’re getting ready for the wedding- that was my reference to being with a sitter all day. Whether you think it’s extreme or not, a lot of moms, especially new moms, feel that way.

Put yourself in your FSIL shoes. You have a 2 month old baby and youre expected to leave him alone for a whole day because of a wedding.
If you go for it, youd be checking your phone every 15min to make sure everything is okay.

Im a veteran mom w 10 kids .My opinion as just having 2 newborns last year i wouldnt want to be trying to get ready around alot of people w the baby. Also be bringing the infant to the wedding. My FH & I attended a military event 2.5 mos. after our twins were born and everything was fine. I opted to be dressed at home not @ location he went ahead. Gave me time w kids. Maybe for SIL that can happen. Sitter can be w the baby, Or an in house at the venue if its at a hotel .so she can step out and breastfeed. The infant should be on a schedule by then.
I returned to work when they were 8 weeks old and they were in daycare. I breastfed. Your shower i understand but its a joyous occasion and maybe w having your friends there as well you can let it go as long the wedding is taking care of. Remember your building your family. Speak w FH and calmly suggest ideas. Best of luck

I'm with you, OP. I have 2 kids of my own but I also would not want to bring mine to a wedding. I would be fine leaving with a sitter, but not sure how to FSIL feels. Maybe she will decline. Maybe just go over the timeline of events with her in a couple weeks and kinda reinforce how it will be a lot to juggle with the baby and let her make up her mind? Or talk to your FH and see if he has ideas? Also maybe hint around at what she's wearing to the bridal shower and mention getting dressed up or whatever since it's adults only. I think by 2 months she will be ready for some adult time. Or maybe that's just me lol

Newborns are typically the exception to the no kid rule. FH’s cousin had a baby in June. The baby came to our wedding and it was fine. We didn’t even notice the baby was ther shower honestly and their table was right next to our sweetheart table. Perhaps other family members can help with the baby during getting ready but other than that I’d expect her to want to bring the baby to the shower and wedding and I personally think it’s unrewasonable to tell a new mom that she can’t bring her infant

View Quoted Comment I would never tell her “no”. I’d just prefer to not spend my wedding day getting ready with the infant. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to enjoy my day and be relaxed. I was just hoping she could stay with her dad or grandparents for my shower which is my main concern.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for sharing a different view point, Gabby!! Great thought about SIL getting ready at home or joining us later in the morning (or at least having the option to, I want her to be included). Our venue is at a hotel so maybe a sitter, family, or her close friend could watch her so she can pop in and see her like you said. Such great ideas!! My shower would be the first time for many to see the baby so I guess that’s why I feel bothered by it being about like a second baby shower but I know I’m being a little selfish with that. Also, it sounds like you’re a super mom 😊

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the helpful suggestions, Tiff!! I think sharing the timeline will be super great for SIL to be able to make a game plan and see what she will be comfortable with. I hadn’t even thought of that. And yes I totally agree, I’d be ready for a date night too!! 😊

I totally get where you're coming from as I would feel the same way, however you may just have to suck it up on this one.

If she can't bring her baby she may likely have zero fun at your party because she understandably will be thinking of her kid the whole time. Alternatively, she may just not come if she can't bring it.

My friend had a baby 2 months before our wedding and didn't ask to bring it since she knew it was no kids (although I probably would have just let her). When she came to the wedding she was a little bit miserable the whole time because it was her first time away from him and she was feeling the distance.

We did have a couple that had a babysitter emergency right before the wedding and asked to bring their newborn - I of course said yes, because what am I going to say? Don't come even though I paid for you?

Guess what - I literally don't even remember that baby being there. The dad stayed outside during the ceremony in case she cried and then during the reception no one even realized there was a baby there.

Let her bring the kid and don't worry - it is still your day!

If her infant can’t attend, I would anticipate her declining as well. Especially if the baby is breastfed. You can’t expect her to neglect her child to attend your party.

Every one responds differently when having a child, especially if it is their first. I know that the wedding industry tells you this is "your" day but remember that it is just one day. Once this day is over, life goes back to normal but people will remember things that were said or done.

There were many things I stressed about and thought were a HUGE deal before our wedding and the next day I realized that they actually didn't matter at all. My cousin brought his newly pregnant fling uninvited without telling me. I saw her as I was walking down the aisle. Had I known before the wedding, I may have acted rude or nasty about it. I am SO GLAD I did not because her being there literally did not affect me or our wedding day in any way. I would have regretted how I would have acted because it would have been purely a reaction out of stress.

On the flip side, my best friend got married. I was her MOH. The rest of her wedding party were the girlfriends/fiances/wives of her husbands best friends. They were all invited to stay at the home where the wedding was. My husband and I were not. We did not receive and invitation because they didn't print enough and she was pretty rude about me getting us a hotel room - which cost us $200. I found out the next day when I was expected to drive back to the house that everyone else stayed there on the couple's invitation. I love her, she is one of my oldest friends. This experience absolutely changes my relationship with her because it was rude and disrespectful to be her closest friend and not given the same consideration as the rest of the party even though I was there days early helping set up and there the next day helping take down.

Your wedding will be over. You will be married and life will be normal. How you treat people will persist and can change dynamics of your relationships for years.

View Quoted Comment I’m not trying to treat her poorly or tell her no. I was seeking advice on how to make it work for me as well because it is our wedding.

View Quoted Comment I’m not asking her to neglect her child?! I was hoping that she could attend my 2 hour shower in a month without the baby. I admitted I expected the baby to be around for the wedding day but was just hoping to also have relaxing adult time as we get ready. Just trying to make sure both new mom and me, the bride, can be happy.

View Quoted Comment

That is my exact point - you are not trying to treat her poorly and you probably mean well. However, the "this is my day" attitude can sometimes go a little too far and lead to brides and grooms making a decision that is inadvertently treating someone poorly (ie. telling someone their baby is not welcome at a bridal shower) and those hurt feelings can persist past the wedding. I'm not even saying that you would tell her her baby isn't welcome at the shower, but actions can send that message. If you can, you may want to focus on preparing yourself and realizing that having a new born there won't hurt your shower or wedding day.

Not saying that is what is happening with you, just it's something that I see a lot of on these boards and can recognize in myself and my friends.

I guess my questions would be, how bad do you want your FSIL at the wedding, and how do you want your future relationship with her to be, as well as your FHs family? Because telling her she can’t bring her newborn to the wedding and/or shower could result in some hurt feelings that might linger.

As other posters have said, newborns are usually the exception when it comes to “no kids” events. They need to eat every couple hours and pumping isn’t always an option, so if she is breastfeeding it would be really challenging to leave the baby. Plus she is a new mom and I’m guessing there’s no way she’d want to leave her newborn if she can avoid it.

And while I understand that you see it as “your” day, it does seem a bit petty to be concerned over the baby taking attention away from you. Yes, it’s your day but it’s also about family and friends coming together to celebrate you AND your FH. Does he feel okay that his sister and her newborn could potentially not go to the wedding and shower at all? Because that would probably have been my choice when my kids were tiny babies and I’d been told I needed to leave them with a sitter if I wanted to attend.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this and I have to admit I always cringe when someone says “it’s MY day”.

A newborn that young will likely sleep all day and you won't even notice she's there. Sometimes things don't get to be picture perfect or the way we always imagined them because life gets in the way. If your FSIL will feel more comfortable having her two-month-old baby with her, she should be there.