"B-List" Invites....or second round invites

Also "PPD" is a dumb term I'm pretty sure coined by the knot and their pretentious judgy views and I wish we didn't propagate that idea here too! You are allowed to have ceremony and reception separately and people will not get offended, i promise

We made a small b list just incase a lot of people declined. I had quite a few relative complain to my mom the 2 hour drive was a lot (when they drive 4 hours+ to go gamble) so we did a short one just so we didn't pay for 100 & only have 60

Actually Jenn etiquette is in fact "one size fits all". Treating people properly is in fact black and white. I would bet money that the ladies on TK will have or have had weddings that were properly hosted, classy and no one talked about the couples behind their backs. There is no excuse EVER that will EVER make a PPD OK. Visa issues/military/insert whatever pathetic excuse here does not make a PPD okay. There is always a choice, and making hard choices is part of being an adult. You want the extra benefits from the military so you run off to the JOP......you forfit the big wedding. You have visa issues and you have to get married right away....you forfit the big wedding.

And @Deborah, what OP is having is NOT a wedding. It is a marriage celebration. A wedding is when 2 people WED. Their wedding was their civil ceremony.

Listen, I'm not an etiquette queen by any means, but I never support B lists. Why? I've been B-listed. And not in a "family got priority type way." How did I find out I was B-listed? When several of my close friends and I were at lunch together when they asked me if I was going to a wedding. I had not received an invitation to said wedding, everyone else had about two weeks prior. Ok whatever, wasn't invited, no big deal. Several weeks later, I finally got my invitation. It was incredibly awkward all the way around. I knew I had been B-listed, the A-list knew I had been B-listed. Mess. Was I OMG I'M SO EFFING OFFENDED HOW COULD YOU? No. Doesn't mean it wasn't a completely uncomfortable situation for all involved.

I don't see what the big deal is. If I was a guest I wouldn't care if I was B-list or not. So what? Free food, open bar, shit, put me on the Z-list and I'll still come!

I wouldn't care if I was b-listed or not. I was b-listed to a wedding a year ago and i honestly didnt give a rat's ass about it. people are just too sensitive sometimes. why can't someone just be happy about ree dinner, free booze and a good night out? and if someone does get upset over it, who cares? they'll get over it and if they don't then theyre just waiting their energy being mad over something stupid.

As for the PPD, as long as everyone already knows youre married who cares right? sometimes ppd's are done for the parents as well. i know my parents would still want me to have the religious ceremony and a reception even if i had a JOP wedding due to some issue and i would do it for them cause they're my parents.

Michelle, I'm really glad you said all that because you just illustrated for the crowd the kind of person you really are: snide, uncompromising and above all, self-righteous.

Please come back down to Earth with the rest of us humans.

PS: It's "forfeit", get spellcheck.

Jules - exactly. Those are exactly the type of hurt / awkward / offended feelings b-lists can create. I have also been in that same situation. It was SO obvious and it made me feel like a second tier guest. I would never want to risk any of my friends feeling that way and knew I would never b-list people.

I agree 100% with what Lilly & Jemma are saying. Michelle, etiquette is black and white but it also changes with the times. Maybe 50 years ago when you got married B listing wasn't appropriate, but honestly today it's common and doesn't upset people like it once did. As long as you're honest then what's the problem? If you're offended-- don't go.

This is taken way too serious.

Michelle, I will make that bet with you. I HIGHLY doubt the TK ladies have never done a B list or had a PPD. That is ridiculous to say.

Things do not need to be this difficult. PEOPLE make it difficult. I am pro B lists and have done it and I will tell you...not one person feels bad.

Invite your friends that you weren't able to invite the first time around. Have a wonderful wedding celebration with your friends and family! Who cares if you are already married?!

WHY does TK always seem to reference guests talking behind the couples back?? Who seriously has to worry about that at a wedding?! When you invite people who care about you, that shouldn't be an issue.

Also, while I never thought I'd see myself saying this...

To many people who are religious, the religious ceremony of marriage is very important to them. I am not religious myself, however my fiance is, and to him marrying in his church and receiving the sacrament is very important. While legally the civil ceremony is the thing that matters, a lot of people are going to find the spiritual side of things to be personally more important. It doesn't necessarily give them any legal benefits, but it is important to their religious lives.

Also, as I pointed out in another thread, rarely is b-listing a case of "we invited everyone we wanted, now we can invite afterthoughts". Far more often it's "we invited all of the relatives mom said had to be there, they said no, now we can invite the friends we do want to have there".

Also as far as etiquette being black and white and universal...yeah, go ahead and take your US-based ethnocentric view of etiquette anywhere else and see how it goes. Guess what - something that was written based on upper-class American society nearly a century ago is most definitely not black and white and universal.

OP - best of luck with your wedding, and I hope that you are able to have everyone you want there to celebrate with you!

Lady V, I'm pressing the "like" button so hard!

All of you people saying "I wouldn't care if I was B-listed! Free food/booze!"-- is it actually free when you have to buy a gift for the couple who obviously didn't value you enough to invite you in the first round? Pick your budget, pick your guest list, find a venue that can accommodate your budget AND your guest list. If what you can afford in't a fancy princess style wedding, adjust your expectations, don't treat your friends like they're expendable.

Lady V, THANK YOU OMG.

*stands up and applauds Lady V*

Holy cow, do what you want, its your wedding, your situation and no one knows it better than you!

Lady V for the win!

And lady v takes the win. i work with diffrent cultures and whats proper in one home is not proper in another. some homes i have to take my shoes off cause its part of their culture. what am i suppose to say no my culture says its direspectful to take your shoes off when i go a strangers home. what etiquette standards do i follow.

i couldnt help peek into tk thread on this i love how the banned girls from ww found a new home, and love to bad mouth another forum.

I havn't B listed we chose a select group of people to come 15 from his side 6 from my side sadly like the OP my immediate family are all in the UK where as my FH's are all within a 20-30 minute drive in the US. Even with 8 months notice my whole family have declined due to costs, work commitments and other weddings. I was admittedly super upset over the No's from my side of the family as I only have 6 important people I chose to invite but said pft I suspected it would happen and that there is nothing that can be done. My family were begging for more delays I said no we have delayed it in total of 6 times to accommodate you all needing to save up I'm not delaying anymore on the promise's of we will be there. We both even picked a warmer time of the year to accommodate for my mums health issues knowing a week in summery weather would ease her aches. We agreed due to work issues one more delay till May as I've said after 4 years of tracking back and forth between the UK and US cancelling wedding date over and over it's time to think of ourselves not others when comes to the wedding.