"B-List" Invites....or second round invites

@Monica I did not assume it is a secret-I said "I hope your guests know". It isn't a wedding for crying out loud!

Whoa, thank you! So many opinions and things to think about. I think I did let the ball drop on this one and should've thought it through better- maybe someone in the sending out the invites stage will stumble on this and learn from my mistakes. FTR to clarify (because I do feel the need to defend myself a little bit), my husband and I were married early as there literally was no other avenue for us to take at that point- it was either that or I leave the country and be barred from returning. I sent out a notice to let people know and to say that we would be having a religious ceremony and reception in a few months to celebrate with everyone, as the majority our friends and family could not be at the civil ceremony. I also had many people say to me that they also did the same thing or knew someone who had because of geographical/family constraints. I never had anyone say anything to me or my mom about it, that it was inappropriate, self-serving. Most people seemed to just be excited to come and celebrate, and many are using it as a chance to have a vacation or explore around the DC area, which is wonderful. Anywho, thanks for the input!

<<<< Pro B lists. : )

I don't understand why people get their panties in a bunch over a "PPD" (I hate that term). Some people have VALID reasons for having a civil ceremony, then a big celebration (Case and point: Anna's story). Not only that, but how is it ANY different than people who do a great big vow renrewal?! Nobody seems to get so upset over those. I personally don't care, even if I don't know beforehand if it's a "PPD". The couple planned the entire day, purchased food and drinks and entertained me all because they decided to? HECK YES! How can I be mad at them for this?

People get upset because they have nothing else to worry about in life. So they nitpick the small things to feel better about themselves.

It's her money, she can call it a wedding if she wants to. Technically if she's having a religious ceremony, it IS a wedding. The internet isn't relegated to US customs and etiquette.

Hey, if someone wanted to invite me to a marriage celebration because they figured out they will have extra room, I'd be like "Heck yeah, I'll be there! LET'S EAT, DRINK, AND DANCE! WOOOO!" That's just me. I don't get why people get offended about being invited to something. Chill out, peeps.

I've been B listed and wasn't butt hurt or up in arms thinking it was rude, FH and I went and had a blast and it was no big deal. We figured it was a minimum thing or others couldn't go, it's really not that bad. Do what you need to do!

As far as "b-lists" go... I'm not super against them, but I would say avoid them because even if it offends just one of my friends it's not worth it. But that's just me and my preference. I don't know how I would react if I was b-listed. BUT, you know your social circle better than any of us on here will and therefore you know if they will be offended. I assume most would be excited for the chance to come. Good luck!

Your friends will surely understand why the invitation was late. I forget who said it, but I liked the suggestion of a phone call to go along with the invite. I think that most people can understand having family obligations (that you may not be happy about) as well as the legal logistics.

What I don't understand is how some people here can be so horrified that this would be a "rude" thing to do, they would never do something so rude...yet they feel the need to tell you this in an incredibly rude way. But alas, this will always be the way on WW. Anna, I hope your day is wonderful and everyone you want to be there can be!

I am B listing. I mailed invites out last week. So far 4 people said no, so i just sent out invites to invite another 4. My rsvp date isnt until June 4. Figure I have until May 4 to mail invites without people knowing they were even put on a B list.

I think its only an isissue if people realized they were B listed.. Honestly if I knew I was B listed, i dont think I would even care.

I think you should do what makes you feel happiest and not worry if some strangers tell you they think it is or isn't rude.

I agree with Gemma. Being invited >> not being invited. If you think otherwise you're too sensitive and I feel sorry that you take everything so seriously. Maybe you weren't at the top of the list, but only a few people can be, by definition. People understand this. People also understand there are "obligatory a-listers" that must be invited, so not everyone can be on the first go-around. If you think a second round is rude, don't have one, but stop being so judge-y toward others!

So sad that the younger generation has become so rude and selfish, and there are actually people backing up rude behavior! It is OK to B list people until they find out they were B listed Lilly? Really? So what is your plan when someone you B listed confronts you about your selfish decision? I bet it is to LIE!

Who really cares if they got the invite first or last. The important thing to me is that I received the invite. Its not like I'm going to go around the room and ask people when they received their invitation.

Well Michelle, I am 33- so not sure what you mean by "younger generation". If someone asks why they got their invite later than John Doe, I would tell them the truth. That due to size restrictions our guest list was in limbo until the last possible second. If they don't like it, then they don't have to come.

Not sure what you classify as selfish? I invited them, they get a free meal and alcohol if they accept. I think most people are just happy they got the invite. Its way worse to invite everyone and not have seating available.

Whats PPD?

How is a "B-list" a selfish decision? For whatever reason that it would happen, it would seem to me that they were doing their best to include as many as they could.

So if my venue has a 100 guest minimum and I only get 80 rsvps then what? I'm just supposed eat the amount of those 20 EMPTY seats?! Seriously, get over yourself.

@ottowa2014- cheers! I hope you have a lovely wedding as well

@Jenn- PPD: pretty princess day. As in you want people to come and see you looking fancy... I had never heard of it before either.

PPD is when you dress up and do a fake re-do wedding because there was a **special** reason the couple HAD to get married at the JOP, and now they want the "real wedding".

I don't know how any guest would know they had been B-listed, unless they compared notes with other guests about when they received their invitation. Seriously, who would even DO that? (I guess Michelle would...)