"B-List" Invites....or second round invites

I'm with Jemma. I wouldn't be offended to be on the B-list.

@Amanda-Kiora yea, I think I did a clumsy job of explaining it and used the 'wrong' terminology by using B-List. There was a list of people we wanted to invite, knowing that family members need to be invited first. However, after we invited family, we had to leave some off as our budget didn't have room, at that point, for them. Not because we didn't want them there or they were any less important. As some family RSVPd no along the way, I have been able to invite more. As it's close to the wedding, I was afraid that asking a few more people would hurt their feelings, so I thought I'd pop on here and see what people had to say, and it is a super touchy subject area

@MorganRene I also didn't realize that splitting the civil/religious ceremony would be considered 'fake' by people (not that I really care, everyone we've invited understands our situation has been less than ideal) but a lot of people do it, and I honestly wouldn't have thought about it in that way, and I think our pastor would've said something if he thought it was inappropriate

@TheKnot thank you for reminding me that people are dealing with lots of complexity that may not be apparent to people on the outside, and that I should look at other peoples situations with an open mind and a open heart. And that I should hold back on judging when I don't know the details. Would it have made a difference if I said that we needed to get married or else it might mean that we spent a year+ apart? Or that my father was unable to attend because my stepmom died shortly before we had our civil ceremony? Am I a princess for wanting him to walk me down the aisle? Or for wanting a chance for our families and our friends to meet? Maybe, maybe not. I'm glad TK provides a place for you to be unnecessarily nasty and petty. Best of luck to you and your respective spouses to be.

There is nothing wrong with B list invites. Bottom line yes there are more important people that belong on A list then B. If that was not the case the entire world would be invited. Do what you need to do. People who have had a wedding know what goes on. If they are happy for you and want to attend they will attend regardless if they were on A list or B. So give them a call and see if they will be able to attend.

B-listing or no, I don't have an opinion because I think each situation is completely different and a "b-list" can mean too many things depending on the situation, like Anna's versus a big family versus a venue change, etc. It's far too situational for me to be on one side or the other.

I do, however, appreciate @Sunshine for posting the TK thread, because now I can see I made the right choice in what wedding website I use. Their post is ridiculously catty, oh my lord! Thanks ladies for showing me even in a heated situation/topic like this one, you can be civil

@Ashely omfg no you di'int!!!

Bahahahaha!!!

While we didn't B-list, we also didn't put some if FHs friends who are OOS, or even OOC. However, after invites went out, 3 of those friends have found that they will in fact be able to make it. Including one who was supposed to be overseas at that time. So while we didn't create a second list, we did have guests who were originally saying "don't actually invite me, bc I wit be able to make it", turn around and say "hey guess what?!"...and they were just added to the "yes" list via their website RSVP's.

Yep, basically the women at TK exist in a world of black and white.

Anna! I don't know if you saw my post about this but both Martha Stewart and Emily Post's great-great granddaughter said B-listing is ok if you do it tactfully. You're in the clear!!!

Just wow.

And to the making everything black and white: so...some people are saying that if you booked a venue that holds 150 people, you should reasonably expect either:

a) all 150 to show, and then you have no b-list, therefore, no problem

b) 130 to show, and if you have other friends you want to invite, too bad, you'll just have empty seats because inviting more people would be rude (!!!)

c) change your venue at the expense of thousands of dollars in nonrefundable money because of 5-10 people that didn't quite fit on the original guest list because you had to invite second cousin so-and-so and great aunt Edna

or

d) invite the extra 5-10 people and risk 160 saying yes to your 150 person venue and you're over fire code, etc.

I guess in a perfect world we would know all these numbers, but my world isn't that perfect.

As for the PPD...another wow.

Just say no to catty b****es.

"And to the making everything black and white: so...some people are saying that if you booked a venue that holds 150 people, you should reasonably expect either:

a) all 150 to show, and then you have no b-list, therefore, no problem

b) 130 to show, and if you have other friends you want to invite, too bad, you'll just have empty seats because inviting more people would be rude (!!!)

c) change your venue at the expense of thousands of dollars in nonrefundable money because of 5-10 people that didn't quite fit on the original guest list because you had to invite second cousin so-and-so and great aunt Edna

or

d) invite the extra 5-10 people and risk 160 saying yes to your 150 person venue and you're over fire code, etc.

I guess in a perfect world we would know all these numbers, but my world isn't that perfect. "

Huh?

If your venue holds 150, then you invite 150 or less. If you receive too many declines and you can't meet your food or drink minimums, then you upgrade your food and drinks.

Our venue holds 200ppl. We chose our venue because we knew we were going to invite around 200ppl to our wedding. So around 200ppl will receive an invitation and whomever RSVP's "Yes" will be there. We aren't B-listing just to fill seats, because that hurts people's feelings. . . plus, there aren't additional people that we'd want to invite anyways.

@SwankyBubbles, what do you think "visa troubles" means???

Wow.

You having a PPD and you are b-listing people. How "nice" of you.

I am usually against this but you have explained your situation... I think in your case go ahead and invite the so called B list get the invites out ASAP!

@SunshineJenn What is your point?

Stating in the OP that she had visa troubles does not mean that her friends and family knew that OP was already married and that they were invited to a PPD.

OP later posted that they announced their marriage, so her guests know they aren't invited to a wedding, and I said I had no problem with that.

Are you having reading comprehension issues?

No, I'm following the logic that if someone is having visa issues, they probably are not going to be quiet about it to friends and family. Because basically at that point, it is "I might need you to pick me up at the airport since I may be deported" or "We got married so I wouldn't get deported."

I'm really glad you have no problem with her situation because I know she probably was gnashing her teeth wondering what you were thinking.

LMMFAO @ Jenn!

This is a public message board, she posted, I posted my opinion.

That's kind of the point.

For people who claim TK is so awful, you aren't really acting any differently.

"Calm down BeYONce!"

:bish please head bob:

This difference is. people here on WW know that there is no one-size-fits-all for the different situations that come up in wedding planning and life.

I fully support the moto its your day and you should be able to do what you want. If i did everything everyone else thought was right id be in debt and extremly unhappy on our wedding day.

There is nothing wrong with sending out a second round of invites! Your friends and family will understand the situation.

I straight up told quite a few friends that we couldnt invite due to cost and space that depending on how many family members are unable to come, a second round of invites will go out.

Omg I cannot with Michelle's comments. Is it fun being that harsh and pretentious?? ughhhhh.

OP's situation totally warrants having backup guests (guest all over the world) and I think any reasonable person would understand the prioritization of family. And this IS a wedding. Get off your high horse about a "marriage celebration", lol really?