Awkward Bridesmaid Decisions

Your wedding is in three years if it happens, so hopefully you will grow up a little bit before then.

Your logic for not including her is so disgusting. "She's awkward and uncomfortably forward and she also isn't in shape and has no motivation to present a pleasant outward image of herself"

Really?! I just can't.

ETA: spelling

Couldn't get past the issue being she is not in shape enough to be asked - makes me wonder if she is what - a size six? In three years everyone will change at least a bit physically - unfortunately attitudes are harder and slower to change (if ever).

Yes, please take Kristin's advice!

Holy hell...what did I just read? You need to be more concerned about beautiful one posses on the inside vs the outside. Being a size 24 bride, I find your comment offensive.

'she also isn't in shape and has no motivation to present a pleasant outward image of herself''

That said, OP...only pick a BP based on how close your are to the person. Don't feel obligated to have even sides or worry about having the SILs, if you don't REALLY want them in your WP/pics of the wedding.

Urgh!

OP - did you really think that anyone on here would have taken your, "She has a tendency to be very awkward and uncomfortably forward and she also isn't in shape and has no motivation to present a pleasant outward image of herself," as anything but shallow, disgusting, or any other word to describe how horrible these words are? Someone's shape shouldn't matter. What should matter is how the person is on the inside. Maybe this should be a time that you do a self-reflection into why you feel this way instead of seeing her for the person she actually is? I'm just saying. A self-reflection may help how you feel towards others and how you feel towards yourself.

No, you don't have to ask your FSILs. If you're going to ask though, either ask both or neither.

Don't ask either of them .

Does this remind anyone of that one open letter from a mom to an advice column where the MOH/bride's best friend walked with a permanent limp and the mom said it would ruin her daughter's wedding aethetic?

I'm out of shape and I'm still a bride. If I found out that my friend/sibling had to debate whether to ask me to be a bridesmaid because I'm fat, I don't wear any makeup outside of formal events and have NO drive to because I don't dress for anyone else, and I don't "present a pleasant outward image" in general, I would highly consider dropping out. Even if I already said yes.

I chose my nearest and dearest. My MOH isn't even female, he's just my closest friend. I can't imagine not choosing him just because of his appearance as a male. I wouldn't choose him if he were rude and disrespectful, but if he were really awkward (which he and I both kind of are anyway) or "ugly" (God, I hate saying that. The only ugly people I've met were the ones with ugly hearts), I wouldn't care either. Best friends are best friends. Only ask who you want by your side! You're still a LONG way out from asking your bridal party though. I even question asking my bridesmaid nowadays because our relationship changed a LOT in the last couple months alone, so who knows where we could be in three years! I don't care what your relation is to a person - blood and marriage doesn't mean you have to ask them to be a bridesmaid, ever. That's just my opinion!

Best of luck to you!

Future SIL can do all the 'outward' improvements you seem so shallow enough to use as criteria, but you're going to continue to have that craptastic attitude forever. That's a shame.

This is terrible and I would be pissed if my H was talking about my sisters this way, just FYI. In terms of asking her, don't because it's obvious you're already judging her and harboring resentment toward her and that's more than likely going to fester as your wedding approaches. Spare both your FSILs your judgement and shitty attitude and don't ask either of them.

Yikes...I think you'd be doing her a big favor by NOT asking. And if I were you I would keep those ugly comments away from FH and his family, unless you want to be seen forever as a giant asshole.

@Mary - I was thinking the same thing about it being similar to that viral letter. Fishy.

I think you should just go ahead and share this with FH and his family. It likely won't be a problem anymore.

Okay this has to be a troll post right? Regardless, I can't say most of what I want to without getting a warning, so..... I am a size 16 at 5'3" and I'm getting married. Wait what?! Overweight people love normal lives with feelings and can be happy?! Inconceivable!

I hope your "friends" and future family realizes who you are on the inside before it's too late.. ugh. Gross.

I don't think you're wrong. It seems as if other brides don't envision their bridal parties as beautiful or strive for it. If she doesn't take care of herself you can't help it. I was as a bridesmaid multiple times and I understood how important image was, especially for the pictures.

If you don't want her in your bridal party then don't invite her. Your wedding is for you and your future husband, no one else. If anyone doesn't like it tell them to kick rocks and hit the road. Of course don't be cruel to her, but don't be a liar, be honest with her as to the reasons.

Im waiting for OP call us all meanies who dont understand and thank the literal one person who agreed with her...

"It seems other brides don't envision their bridal parties as beautiful"

"Don't be cruel to her, but don't be a liar"

Are you kidding me?!?! While I am all for promoting a healthier lifestyle, men and women of all sizes are beautiful. This narcissistic, shallow way of thinking is so much of what's wrong with the world today.

... @symone seriously? Looks like you and the OP would make good friends.

@southern, edit out that part, no matter how ridiculous a post may be, you cannot call someone a name. It's against community guidelines. Flagging.

Op, you have some serious soul searching to do if you think it's ok to exclude someone based on looks.

Good luck 30 years down the road when you and your fh don't look like you used to. I'm all for physical fitness and health, but excluding family because they don't meet your standard is ludicrous.

Eta words

"It seems as if other brides don't envision their bridal parties as beautiful or strive for it."

Are you kidding me?

When I picture my bridal party, I picture my nearest and dearest; not a "pretty person line-up" to be treated like props for photos.

I envision them for who they are because that's why I love and respect them to begin with.

The "strive for it" kills me, it really does. The only thing I will be "striving" for with my bridal party is that they all feel as comfortable and beautiful as possible. I want them to be themselves because THAT'S why I'll be asking them; they're my nearest and dearest, not some sort of aesthetic goal to strive for.

"Of course don't be cruel to her, but don't be a liar."

Yes, I'm sure the truth of "you're awkward, not in shape, and I don't think you'll ever be motivated enough to have a pleasant outward appearance", ought to go over real well.

No matter how you slice the truth, OP is still insulting her FH's sister. I'm not going to say "would be" because she's already insulted her by using those same words here, on an internet forum of strangers behind her back.

We're already at cruel, in my opinion.