Just Said Yes October 2020

Awkward Bridesmaid Decisions

Brittany, on November 24, 2017 at 4:02 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 67

I'd only ever planned for my sister and my best friend to be bridesmaids but now I have two future sister-in-laws to consider as well and while I'd be happy to include one of them, I'm really... iffy about the other one. She has a tendency to be very awkward and uncomfortably forward and she also isn't in shape and has no motivation to present a pleasant outward image of herself. Should I even attempt to include her in my bridal party and if not, should I include my other future sister-in-law or leave her out as well to avoid any awkward conversations?


Latest activity by Joanna, on November 24, 2017 at 5:43 PM
  • M
    Just Said Yes June 2019
    Mina ·
    • Flag

    I can't stand my future sister in law. If you like 1 over the other invite that one. If you can't decide I'd say don't invite either one.

    • Reply
  • XieXie
    Savvy May 2019
    XieXie ·
    • Flag

    I think it's really sad that you'd exclude someone from your wedding party because you don't think she's pretty, I hope she never finds out that was part of your motivation.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Sitz
    Master July 2016
    Mrs. Sitz ·
    • Flag

    First, you shouldn't pick your BM's based on appearance. Second, how long have you known either of them? While I think it's a nice gesture, you shouldn't feel obligated to ask them simply because they're your future in laws. BM's are supposed to be your "nearest and dearest."

    • Reply
  • The Trap Selena
    Master March 2016
    The Trap Selena ·
    • Flag

    Yikes. I think your reasons for excluding the 2nd SIL are really shitty. That's a really horrible way to speak about someone whose brother or sister you're marrying. Some people aren't in shape. That's okay. Some people aren't as social as others. That's okay.

    I'm usually UO on this but I think it's a nice gesture to extend the offer of being a BM to FSILs if you're not actively feuding with them, even if you guys aren't super close.

    • Reply
  • MillerTime
    Devoted September 2018
    MillerTime ·
    • Flag

    1. Your wedding is too far to make these decisions

    2. Rude. Just rude.

    • Reply
  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
    • Flag

    Wow your attitude is atrocious. Who the hell says "she also isn't in shape and has no motivation to present a pleasant outward image of herself"?! Just disgusting. I agree with Melissa BB please do them a favor and do not have them as bridesmaids for your wedding. They don't deserve to be around someone who criticizes them in such a hideous manner. Please get over yourself.

    • Reply
  • Harleybeachbride
    Master May 2017
    Harleybeachbride ·
    • Flag

    Your wedding is not till 10/20 so it's waaaay too soon to pick a BP but I suspect that in this timeframe, they may come to realize your shallow motivations and judgemental ways and refuse to partake... HELL maybe your FH won't appreciate the character of the person he's about to marry and run for the hills!!

    • Reply
  • melanie
    Master August 2017
    melanie ·
    • Flag

    Wow that's such an awful reason to exclude someone, who cares about her shape!? Terrible

    • Reply
  • Janel
    Super September 2018
    Janel ·
    • Flag

    Yeah it is too early to worry about this but I'd leave both out rather than picking one over the other

    • Reply
  • Kristin
    Dedicated July 2018
    Kristin ·
    • Flag

    1) I think it's way too early to be thinking about this and making these decisions. Your wedding is THREE YEARS away. So much can change in 3 years in terms of your relationships with people

    2) Are they your sister in laws as in your FH's sisters, or his brother's wives. To me the distinction makes a difference. His blood sisters I would feel more of an obligation to include than I would his brother's wife, however that leads me to the next point:

    3) You're not obligated to include anyone. Your bridal party is supposed to be your closest people. If you don't feel close to someone you shouldn't feel you need to include them. If they are his sisters and he is close to them and wants him to be part of the day there's nothing that says they can't stand on his side and be "groomsladies"

    4) However if your REASON for not wanting her up there with you is she doesn't LOOK nice?!?! That's seriously horrible, shallow, and petty. Bridesmaids are NOT a prop. They are your special people that you want to stand up for you and share your important day with. If all that matters to you is that beautiful women are flanking you in your pictures then just hire models and put them in matching dresses and be done with it.

    • Reply
  • Dij
    VIP May 2018
    Dij ·
    • Flag

    Wow how rude of you to judge someone on her exterior. That's super shallow

    • Reply
  • FutureMrsHill
    Expert April 2018
    FutureMrsHill ·
    • Flag

    You don't have to include your FSIL, in your Bridal party. The reason for not wanting her is very shallow and disgusting.

    • Reply
  • Jaimee
    Master October 2019
    Jaimee ·
    • Flag

    "...and she also isn't in shape and has no motivation to present a pleasant outward image of herself."

    Wow. Just wow.

    Like putting this in there presents a pleasant image of yourself...

    • Reply
  • Celia Milton
    Celia Milton ·
    • Flag

    Your wedding is entirely too far off to even be thinking about this and your criteria for excluding the one SIL is just flat out mean spirited. Maybe you should run this by your FH and see how HE feels about the way you're approaching this......

    Bad behaviour aside, wait 2.5 years and see what your relationships are like at that point. Your BP should be the people closest to you; its not an obligation. Ask those people. Only one person made this awkward. You.

    • Reply
  • Larry
    Expert November 2018
    Larry ·
    • Flag

    GIANT EYEROLL. Don't include either of them. Such shallow reasons to not include the one. I hope she doesn't find out because that's very hurtful.

    • Reply
  • Ashley
    Dedicated March 2018
    Ashley ·
    • Flag

    I agreed with you until you said she wasn't "in shape." You arent required to ask your FSILs to be BMs. But, your reason for not doing so is incredibly shitty.

    • Reply
  • Danielle
    VIP December 2017
    Danielle ·
    • Flag


    Perfect for brides who share your mindset.

    • Reply
  • ThePeoplesBride
    VIP October 2020
    ThePeoplesBride ·
    • Flag

    Your reasoning is more shallow than a $5 plastic kiddie pool. Did you check pay stubs and gym memberships on the first date?

    • Reply
  • plangalCG
    VIP May 2018
    plangalCG ·
    • Flag

    Bridesmaids aren't accessories for you. Wow.

    • Reply
  • caitlin
    Super May 2017
    caitlin ·
    • Flag

    Yikes! that's a really gross reason to exclude her. the fact that you'd even consider having a conversation in which you tell her you're not including her because of her appearance makes me think that you have some emotional learning to do.

    • Reply

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