Asking for money instead of gifts

I think it's rude to ask your guests for money and I don't think you should ask.

Everyone knows that money is a good gift, especially for newlyweds. They don't need to be told. Not registering is a good enough hint. Most guests will bring cash or check in a card. They won't bring spare cash in their pockets in hopes that you have a cute box for them to stuff it in.

Definitely don’t set out different jars for them to put money in. Most people bring cash or a check to a wedding as a gift, so just have a card box and you’ll be fine. Make no mention of gifts on the invitation and if someone offers to host a shower then you should decline that. Unless you make a small registry or have a stock the bar or recipe shower.

You don't really ask for money. If you don't have a registry most people should get the hint that you just want money and they'll likely bring you cash, checks or a gift card to the wedding. If anyone asks then you could tell them ten but I wouldn't outright as people to gift you money.

We just made a tiny registry for people who would rather buy gifts, but other than that if people don’t ask then I won’t say anything!

I guess there’s a website where you can contribute to a honeymoon fund but not setting up a registry is a big enough hint.

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These do exist but know a website takes part of the cut. Apart from being against etiquette, that is a fact I think a lot of people don't know and I would be pretty peeved to find out 8% of my gift went to some company with a website and not to the bride and groom.

I wouldn’t do the separate boxes. But I don’t think it’s a big deal to ask for money. People get so upset about it and I don’t understand why. Creating a registry is literally the same thing as asking for money. If you go on Pinterest, there are a lot of cute little poems that you can write that basically say “we want cash not stuff” in a nicer way.

The most suggested advice I've seen on this forum thus far in regards to this topic is to not register at all. Nor should you put up any type of honeymoon fund/jars/boxes, etc. If you do not register, your guests will bring cash/checks to the wedding as your gift.

We had a very small registry and put a request for money not gifts on our wedding website along with listing our registry. We didn't go with an actual honeymoon fund site because they take a cut. I personally don't agree with the "it's tacky to ask for money" sentiment because in my mind, it's almost the same as a registry. Both are asking people to give you something. Most people gave us money, and I heard from some family members how they thought it was better for us to ask for money instead of registering for stuff we didn't really need. We put the money into a high-yield investment account.

That sounds very tacky. I would be very offended and taken aback if I saw that.

View Quoted Comment I mean I don’t think it’s “tacky” to ask for a gift that will be used and not put away in storage like most wedding gifts. But too each it’s own, right?

All I see in the comments is that not having a registry should be a big enough hint but I never put one on my invitations and so many people have already asked what gifts they should bring. There are formal ways to ask for money and get the point across.

View Quoted Comment Thank you, I’ve heard of a few people mentioning it on their website! I feel as if our family/friends will find it easier as well. Also, I never thought of using it towards investments- that’s a great idea that I will keep in mind.

View Quoted Comment Yes, thank you!! I am just looking for a polite way to ask our guests. I feel as if not making a registry is just leaving them in the dark and not really a hint.

I would not do any of the boxes. Just don't register and people will give cash in their card that they bring to the wedding. I always bring cash to weddings to tip the bartender (or if there is a cash bar, God forbid) but I would never pull out additional money to gift the bride & groom.

View Quoted Comment I 100% agree with you. Idk if you watch The Office. But the idea of no registry and hoping people “get the hint” makes me think of the episode where Jim & Pam just watch cash and Phyllis like knits them oven mitts or something. Just not registering is too much of a risk and you may end up with a lot of junk you don’t want.

I absolutely agree that there is a tactful way to word it and, I said this on another thread, but I believe that people who get so offended that the couple wants cash instead of stuff are really making the gift more about themselves than the couple because they want to give what THEY want instead of what the couple actually wants or needs. Plus money is becoming way more common anyways. The times are changing and unfortunately we are all getting married in that awkward zone where the old way of thinking is clashing with the new way.

We're in the same boat as you! We planned on creating a registry online with honeymoon funds of various amounts and a couple of gifts (things I definitely wouldn't buy myself) to encourage people to give money. We also are going to have a card box if people bring something to the wedding.

Speaking from experience, if you don't register, 95% of your guests will give you cash. My husband and I had a pretty decent sized registry (for the shower, but was still open at the time of the wedding, and we got zero physical gifts for our wedding, every single guest gave cash. Your guests will know what to do. If you do ask for cash, even in a "polite" way, that will probably offend some people and you'll end up with a gift you didn't want, or nothing at all from those people.

I’ve seen so much back negativity with this, so I thought I would share my personal thoughts. We are making one of our step cards, inside the invitation, titled Gifts. Below that, is a “Home and Family Fund” under that, it says “The bride and groom kindly request no boxed gifts of gift cards.” Then we added “A Note from the Bride and Groom... This is simply all we truly want or need besides eachother. Please, don’t trouble yourself with shopping, or wrapping. Whatever amount you would go out and spend on a gift, we graciously request to send this way.

If you’re reading this, you are a special presence in our lives and we are elated that you’ll hopefully be joining us on our wedding day. We are beyond appreciative for your love, support, and any contribution towards our Home and Family Fund. We’re looking forward to being able to have an official nest, so that we may soon grow our family.” Our invites are formal and elegant so it looks very tasteful and put together.

Look, it’s a completely different day and age. Most couples now, already live together premaritally and already have dishes, cookware, bedding, etc. A LOT are living in apartments or smaller residences and they can’t yet afford a house or to feel financially stable enough to start a family and definitely don’t have the room to store more things. I know that is us and so many others we know! Why not request what you actually want or need? I believe it’s rude for the couple to expect gifts. On the other hand, I also believe it’s rude to show up to a wedding for someone you love, respect, or appreciate without having contributed something. Whether it be your ultimate support & friendship, a service you’re able to give, your time, assistance, or a gift. At one time or another, or for the event itself to help them out. I personally have never shown up at a wedding without having contributed as much as I could. I’m a hair and makeup artist and trust me, I do everything I can to hook my friends and family up. When I was 21 I had no money to give. (34 now wedding planning) I was bridesmaid to my friend and slept in the same bed with her the night before the wedding which completely helped her anxiety. I finagled a cute, purposeful safety pinned look for her dress that ripped 5 minutes before her fancy rehearsal dinner, and did her makeup and helped her artists with her hair. If I’m not doing stuff like that, I always give monetarily. The feed back is, they always appreciate it SO MUCH. I think being turned off by any bride and grooms request for gifts is petty. If you can actually be offended by that then ask yourself is it them or is it you? Maybe you’re jealous you didn’t do the same and just come out with it. Maybe you actually don’t have $50-100 to give, and that’s OK! ... but they obviously appreciate you in their lives enough to include and pay to include you on the biggest day of their lives, so what else might you be able to offer to them that they would really appreciate? Ask yourself, if it was you, would you honestly want a 50 dollar ninja blender or 50 dollars? Because even if that blender was a priority in your life, you now have 50 dollars to go buy it. Or maybe you’d prioritize differently on a whim. It’s the freedom that is the biggest blessing. If it was your own wedding what would you want/need/appreciate most? Why is it ok to register for a bunch of stuff that costs money but “rude” to ask for money? Why do people do things like a money dance?? Or a honeymoon fund? And that’s considered ok? Which it totally is! Literally guys and gals, it is YOUR wedding and it YOUR LIFE. You do you. State what you want in an honest, sincere way. Etiquette is what you make it. You set the tone. If people don’t like it, then oh well. Hopefully they’ll at least have a blast and will have amazing memories and pictures. Being a bride or groom is hard. Personally, we don’t have any financial support going into this. We are doing it on our own, and his family being huge, Guestlist 300. Original guestlist 550. But we both really knew we would be sad if we looked back, and never had this special day to share with each other and the special people in our lives. It is your life. People will always judge or criticize something no matter what. The real ones will understand. I hope more people will openly ask for monetary contributions. It is modern. If makes sense. It’s simple. It’s most easy on the guest also. At the end of the day it’s what most of us want or need so why be fake? Pride and traditional etiquette might say it’s rude but we have evolved. We don’t live in 1950 anymore. Anyway, I really am passionate about this and honestly, I hope this helps some wayward brides and grooms along if they’re on the fence. Do it, don’t look back. I wish someone would’ve written this for us to see. Cheers and happy planning, you got this