Are you the first one of your friends to get married?

I am the first from my friends to get married. I've noticed that we get invited less and less to events because "you guys are practically married and we assumed you wouldn't be interested!" People act as if getting married means you can't go out anymore!

I can completely relate to your post. I am the first one of my friends to get married and none of them are in serious relationships. When they are talking to someone new they will ask me what to text back and Im like uhhhhhh its been so long. I try to help though. I can also totally relate the health concerns.

I think its difficult as you get older things change for you at different rates.

I am the last of my friends to get married and FH is the first of his (4.5 year age gap). I found that at different periods in life I drifted away from some friend. For example instead of going out with me every weekend when I was single and they were engaged or married we did brunch or shopping days. This isn't to say that they are any less my friend. Life has a way of doing things like that but true friends are always there for each other even if it isn't everyday or weekend. My suggestion is to still be open and honest with your friends. I know when I was younger and would hear about my friends husbands and it was always complaining I didn't care for him very much but as I got older I realized it was just a vent session and that was it.

I'm the first of my friends, since we're getting married "young"! I totally agree, it does feel like a changing dynamic, but I guess that's just a part of growing up and maybe growing apart. I'm not too concerned, but I have noticed it.

I'm in the same boat. My best friend is completely opposite of me and I find it harder to connect with her unless it's a conversation about herself. I think a lot if not all has to do with her maturity and still being a partying college student. But that's life and for me I guess it's a part of getting married young (21 & 23).

We're actually one of the last to get married. One of my friends is already divorced (we're only 28 & 29). I don't think it changed them any or hanging out either as we were all in serious relationships. Those that have kids, we rarely see now.

We're not the first of our friends, but we are the first of the friends that live in our city that we spend time with on a regular basis. Maybe it's because we're older, but we have tons of friends in different places in their relationships. Some have been together for years longer than we have and haven't felt the need to get married, some of our friends are single, and some of them are in new relationships. A lot of my friends are impatiently waiting for proposals, so I think our engagement caused a little bit of jealousy (not resentment toward us or anything like that, but mostly disappointed that it's not their time yet). A dear friend of mine cried when I told her about our engagement, and I don't think it was tears of happiness for me. I think the biggest shift for us is that I think it will encourage more friends to get engaged! That said, my FH has a group of single friends that he likes to spend time with, and sometimes I get frustrated because they make plans at weird times and stay out all night. And my FH has the most intense FOMO of anyone I have ever met, so he will stay out and sometimes forget to keep me informed on where he is and I have to remind him he's not single and at least needs to let me know when he'll be home! But I assume that as more and more if his friend's settle down that it will happen less and less.

100% yes, but also I think my friends became aware that they were distancing themselves a bit and have really, wonderfully stepped it up over the last couple of weeks! And I've been more intentional about investing in the relationships that are most meaningful. I think the change in life stages has made us all have to choose if we're going to work harder at the friendship or let it dissipate.

FH and I are the first of our crowd to get married, and like @Olivia above, FH struggles with it some. We get along much better with people a little older than us, but his friends all act like they're 16. They're excited for us to get our own house so they can party without parental supervision...? (That's just one reason why we told them a big fat NO when they asked if they could move in with us.) They're all really immature, and he's just not like that. For that reason, I don't really understand why he puts up with them, especially because he's not really into the party scene like they are, but if they make him happy, who am I to judge? None of his or my friends are in serious relationships, so we get along better with family and coworkers at the moment.

But yes, we're the first, but we're ready. Our families wondered why we waited as long as we did.

eta spelling

I'm in the opposite position - I'm one of the last of my friends to get married and also one of the last to have children. On my end, it did feel a little lonely still being in the dating pool but then I just relish in the thought that I live by myself and have less obligations and responsibilities. Also, I had a lot more time and resources to volunteer, travel, and pick up hobbies.

It's definitely different for everyone although clearly a thing. I haven't struggled with people not inviting me to outings. I don't like the club scene but I do enjoy dancing my butt off everyonce in a while. But the friends I've made in this city are very much into grabbing coffee, happy hour or a dive bar. One of my good friends is going through a tough time. And sometimes in friendships one person needs to lean on the other more for certain times. I just feel like it's been a long time and there's never a break for me to complain or vent. I definitely did get shut down for feeling sad about the ttc issue and ended up apologizing to my friend because she's been so sad lately. So talking about those concerns was like shoving in her face all the things she doesn't have. Which I remember being single and not wanting to be. Not fun. I'm just learning about this new kind of lonely.

Like if FH disagree about something substantial, I'm not going to share it with any of my close friends. Out of respect for him but also because they don't get it. Does this change when other friends enter commited relationships? Or because many things in marriage are private, is it something I just have to get used to? Not sure if I'm clear.

One thing I forgot to add that I have noticed being the first of our crowd to get married is that people seem to assume that we have a lot of money because we're getting married, and I'm not sure why. People say that we make double what they make on their own, and I'm like "Duh...there's two of us?"

So we often end up stuck with the bill at the end of the night. We're also often the ones who are in charge of planning and hosting things. I guess everyone assumes we know how to "adult." Us getting engaged definitely changed things with our friends, and I wouldn't say it was for the better.

@FutureMrsR I'd be really annoyed with getting stuck with the bill. We still do the hard work of splitting the check at the end of the night. Being the parents of the friend group is something that should happen if the couple or person really likes that role. Like Monica from friends. There's definitely financial advantages to a dual income household but like you said, doesn't mean you're rich and they don't have to be dicks about it.

I totally relate to this! We are both first in our entire friend groups as well as the first of both sides of siblings to get married. I noticed a change almost immediately following the engagement. I think the hardest part is siblings though, I'm the oldest so it at least is easy on my side, but my wife has 2 older brothers, one in a long term relationship (girlfriend wants to get married but he's happy with just dating/doesn't see the point in marriage) and the other brother has been in and out of relationships and feels all of this crazy pressure to settle down and get married and have kids really fast because his younger sister is married. We just try to put a lot of effort in not only our relationship but also try to make everyone in our life feel valued. It's really hard!

My friends, yes. But that's not saying much because I don't get close to or trust people. His friends, no. He's right in the middle of the pack with his friends for getting married (though the rest may take a while as none of them have even been known to have a relationship).

I'm almost the last one to get married but honestly non of my friends changed after marriage and so far neither have we. We still all go out to bars or hang out at each others houses. Talk about our relationships. Nothing is a secret in our group. I can't really relate to the loneliness. I hang out with my married friends just as much as my single friends.

@Rachel/Maria, it totally is annoying to me, but FH doesn't care! I hate telling him his friends are rude, but they seriously are. These are the same people who told us after we got to a little get-together at someone's house that it was "$5 per person if we wanted to drink." Like, what? Sometimes, I think they really are 16...

@FMR yikes! So much barf! Hope you don't have to put up with that for too long. :/

I have friends who are married and friends who aren't, so I'm kind of in the middle. DH is the first of his friends to get married (we're 27). When we got engaged FH was getting a lot of flack from some of his friends, and some acquaintances, about getting married. Making fun of him for settling down, and then bragging to him about all the girls they're "banging". They all also still live at their parent's houses, don't pay any bills, get drunk every weekend, and several of them are older than us. We're married, don't drink much, and own a home, so we're at a different stage in our lives. He struggled with it for a bit, not because he doubted us getting married, but just because he hated that his guys were giving him a hard time.

I do think the dynamic changes when your friends get into serious relationships. The majority of my friends are married or in serious relationships. I can only think of a couple of friends I have who are single, and we've definitely drifted a bit (not sure if their relationship status is the cause, or distance since they both live OOS now).

I’m 25 and H is 31 so he’s in the middle of all his friends and I was the first of my friends. Besides my MOH who is in a relationship and my cousin who got married a few years ago and is younger than me, all my friends are at least two or more older than me also. H and I also had plans to move me to another country to be with him but a few of my friends would joke that it would never happen and they doubted the seriousness of our long distance relationship constantly. Once we announced our engagement and my move, many of my single friends dropped me from going out. I was constantly bailed on if I suggested going out, only to see pictures a few hours later from the same friends who couldn’t go out. I wasn’t invited places and if I mentioned it, it was always “oh well, you’re engaged so I thought you wouldn’t want to come.” Or I had one friend who would invite me to hang out with whoever she was dating and his friend. “Does he know I’m not single or does he think this is a double date?” “Oh I have no idea.” Whenever FH was in town, if we went out with one of my friends, they would alwaaaaays expect one of us to pick up the tab. “Oh, H picked the tab up last time so I didn’t bring cash.” We used to be each other’s support system and I have been known to drop by at someone’s house to give advice or write a 10 page text bullet pointed during hard times. Any time I ever brought up any issue, even if it wasn’t even about my relationship, “well at least you won’t be single forever,” “well that sucks,” “I have an opinion but I’m not going to say it because you won’t like it.” At our wedding, all of my close friends were extremely distant and some didn’t even say goodbye to me even though I had two days before I moved. A few not so close friends really stepped up that night and I have been in contact with them. In our new home, we have married friends, friends in relationships, and single friends who are both my age and H’s age. My MOH and family are the only ones who consistently respond when I text them about life and what’s going on with them; everyone else has stopped. But here, Not one person has treated us differently because we’re married. We are definitely that married couple that likes to go out and drink on a Friday or Saturday and we are always included. I think it depends on where you are and who you’re surrounded by. You are a reflection of the five people you spend the most time around. Also, you will eventually start making more married friends as time goes on who can relate to you.