Are you surprised at someone who declined to come to your wedding?

I'm so sorry to hear this I haven't sent our my invites so I can't relate BUT when I was reading your post. I wasn't really surprised. We all have that friend that is a little flaky. Did she call and tell you why?

It stinks that your friend won't be there, but it sounds like she doesn't have the means to come. Maybe it's transportation, or maybe it's money to buy a gift. As much as we all focus on how much we are spending on our weddings, it's easy to forget that the guest has to pay for a lot too. Transportation, hotel, clothing, gift and time... those things all add up. Maybe you could mention it to her casually, like you are going to miss her being there. Hopefully she'll tell you the reason why she can't make it and it will ease your mind a little.

It sounds like maybe you've always been there for her, but it wasn't much reciprocated. . .

I'm kind of hoping for a substantial number of NOs. shhhhhhh.

Yes. I gave some of my family 1.5 years of notice for our wedding. Before we were even engaged (we just knew.) I offered to assist with paying for accommodations for them. I suggested coming for the weekend to make it as affordable as possible. I found flights, figured out getting them from the airport to the hotel, looked up if my cousin's daughter would fly free (she would have), etc.

After all of them saying they'd start saving and couldn't wait and we will be there -- none. My grandfather and my argumentative uncle (who, while a PITA, is the only other person to EVER come to us for anything.)

I'd planned around them being able to make it and had I known 6 months before my wedding (and skipped STDs), I could have easily switched to a tiny wedding with just our nearest and dearest and save some money and still be married.

GRR.

Nope, no phone call. =/

I won't tell anyone, Paris!

I'm glad I'm not the only one, Reenski! That is SO frustrating!

Yes we bent over backwards for my nieces wedding. I mean backwards. The whole family has not RSVP. Nice really nice.

Yes, my uncle.and grandmother are not attending because they are in a died witb mg mom over something really really stupid. Cousin also.not.coming. I am really surprised, I really thought my own grandmother would come.

I've been really worried about this lately. Most of FH's family is in New York and there's some I haven't met.. I just really hope they all make it!

@Mrs. W, not frustrating, just disappointing more than anything. We always go to visit them, my parents helped my aunt and uncle with a loan for my cousin's wedding and they've been paid back 1/5 of that loan (which would have been handy to have for my wedding.) It's almost a slap in the face that we've done what we've done to see them, to be there for their big days and they can't get it together enough to be here for me.

I haven't sent out invites yet, but my aunt told me a year out that she can't come. She does marketing at a Nascar venue and there is a race the weekend after my wedding. I realize this is a crazy time at her job. If I had scheduled it the weekend after, during the race, I would have totally gotten that she couldn't come. But to not be able to come the weekend before with a years notice I think is a little ridiculous, esp since we are very close. I mean, you can't find someone to cover for you in a year's time, for half a day?

I haven't sent out invites yet, but we are over our guest list by 30 people. My parents are paying for my wedding but I HOPE HOPE HOPE for their sake 30 people decline. I'm already so over budget it's ridiculous

We're about 50 over budget, so it's better for our pocketbooks if she and her plus one don't show up, but.. Still! I'm going to be irritated. Because why not? =)

We haven't even finalized the guest list or sent out std's etc...and already my SIL is telling me that my brother might be the only one coming to the wedding because she might be pregnant during that time and doesn't want to leave her existing kids at home. keep in mind they eloped and didn't invite anyone but like 10 people (not including my parents), and i was trying to bond with her over having to have a smaller wedding and having to pay for it, etc, and i mentioned that we may have to invite some people and not their kids (more my side than FH's side), and that's what i got. like, not even a "oh okay well we'll see where we are later on, maybe we can send the boys to their friends' houses for the weekend and if i'm not pregnant and/or unable to travel we could make it work"...she also whined to my brother who in turn went to my mom about it. my mom basically said "look, it's your sister's wedding, she can do what she wants." a few weeks later bro calls me and says (cont)

That they don't have anyone they trust enough to babysit and that cousins a b and c would want to bring their kids, etc. i told him it's more of a venue limit issue, that i only have half the guest list, that we're paying for the wedding ourselves and i really don't want to have kids who i don't know how they're going to act or if they're going to run off and get abducted (having the wedding at a beach house). plus, we're looking into streaming the wedding online for those we're not going to invite, those who can't make it physically and those who can't make it financially. AND, most of the people we can't invite we'll be seeing 3 months later because my dad's side of the family does a biannual family reunion, during which there's a night where pictures, videos etc are shared to announce significant changes in the family since the last one (i.e. births, deaths, graduations, weddings). most everyone i've approached this subject with (singles, people with kids) seem to (cont)

Understand and are just happy to be able to come down. honestly, the less RSVPs i receive, the better LOL

oh, and did i mention that i've never met SIL despite their being married for a few years now? and that no one in our family save for our parents, grandma and cousin and his wife has met her?

I have only gotten back 66 rsvps out of 200! I even had on the rsvp please respond by 5/21.

Its about 50/50. Some of our very best friends let their daughter change her grad party to our wedding so now they cant make it : ( we were really disappointed.

DH was very surprised when someone he has been friends with for 20 years and looks up to as a mentor declined the invite. We even made sure that the ceremony and reception sites were easily wheelchair accessible for him. He took me aside one day and said that it was a money issue...that they couldn't afford a gift, but didn't want to tell DH that. I told him that his presence there would mean more to DH than any gift, but they still declined. DH was very disappointed when that one come in the mail.

We haven't sent out the invites yet, but I already know a few of my uncles can't come. They have fishing trip that weekend...However, I understand that we're only having an 8 month engagement. We're expecting (and hoping) that about half of the people on FH's side will decline. There is some animosity in the family. FMIL basically told us to invite them because they'll send money/gifts but won't come.

I'm not sure that FBIL will be able to attend the wedding. He's in the Navy and will be getting deployed to Africa sometime this summer.

In all honesty, our families are so large that I'm hoping some people will decline (obviously some more than others), and then we can better afford catering.

I am so happy to have found this thread - it is really comforting to know that I am not alone, and crazy for feeling sad about the number of Nos we've received.

We both come from large families and felt pressured to invite all aunts, uncles and first cousins - out of formality and requests. We also have a lot of friends / close co-workers, so we had invited 245 (including guests). Right now only 113 have RSVPed yes and it looks like once we get the rest in it will be around 140. That's over 100 people that have said no, and of course so many of those came on the same day, making it one of the worst days ever.

My mom died when I was 15 years old and the wedding is a few days after the anniversary of her death. This has been an insanely difficult process, more so than I had anticipated, but I was really looking forward to spending time with her brothers and sisters on this day. Now, only three of them are coming, and I'm so hurt. They always say how much they miss my mom, but they can't show up on her only daughter's wedding day. I just can't wrap my head around it.

Also, my cousin is getting married a few months after me, and they are throwing her a bridal shower, but none of them even asked me about mine. They didn't even come to it. I had 6 people at my shower. Man did I feel extremely embarrassed and unloved at that party. I wanted it to end so quickly so that I could curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out.

And then there are those that have said no because of work. Seriously? They had 9 months to prepare their time off requests and they couldn't get that done. It blows my mind.

Each "no" really hurts and feels like a slap in the face. I would do anything for my family and friends, and I have poured my heart and soul into this wedding because I really care about it, and want to make sure that everyone who loves me feels loved by me.

Through this process, and by reading this tread, I've come to learn that wedding planning is really emotional. We need to protect our hearts and be honest with how people will act, because had I done that from the beginning I could have anticipated this situation a lot better. It would have hurt still, but not so much.

It is nice to read some of these comments, not nice that people are not coming to your weddings, but nice in the way that I am just plain pissed off about some of the NO RSVP's that I have received. 3 of what I thought were my very good friends and have known the wedding date for 2+ years, have RSVP'd NO, because they have to babysit their grandchildren...

Really???? They have known about the wedding for 2 years and can't say no to their own children for the one night??