Are you Offended? (re: plus 1s)

It won't let me edit the OP, but I'll just say here that you don't have to answer those all individually (but you can), and you can give anecdotes or whatever instead of answering the questions, or whatever works, I'm sure you get the general point to what I'm asking.

(the edit that did go though in the OP is because the plus sign didn't work in the title)

We didn't give plus ones, but this didn't come up at my wedding because it was so small- no one attending would bring random guests no one knew to a 16 guest super intimate thing, no one was 'just' dating, and everyone who was married was married to someone we knew.

I would rather take my partner to a wedding because he helps a lot with my health/medical stuff and makes it a lot easier to get through such a thing, and of course because I enjoy his company and like my friends/family to meet him. But, my answer is that regardless of levels of how married I am, idgaf.

This came up specifically last year- my cousin got married, I asked, he said no. At that time last year, we were hardly less married than now- we considered ourselves married, had 99% of the legal benefits/drawbacks/status (provincial rules make this possible for non married long term couples), and were regarded that way by pretty much everyone we knew.

I seriously, even before planning my own, just couldn't manage to fault someone for not wanting some stranger they had never met before at their wedding (after planning my own, I feel like that even moreso). My partner wasn't particularly offended either, although he thought it was weird (and afterward he sort of wished he had come because I had so many stories about it. it was like a parody of a wedding. I definitely am not saying that my cousin had good etiquette regardless of my plus one feels, nor that this wasn't a reflection of it).

My aunt and my parents were offended, despite me being like "??? why would [cousin] invite [partner] they've literally never even seen each other he barely even sees me," so obviously I'm not everyone's opinion on it.

But this might have been different in that it was a family thing. I was with people I knew (not helpful for medical stuff, but I wasn't isolated at it or anything), and they were all sort of a unit. On the other hand, if I was invited to some schoolmate or coworker's wedding without a plus one, I might be like 'you're inviting randos like me but I can't bring someone I know? seriously?' but I don't know if that's offense so much as a way of ranking that it would be a boring wedding. If it was a friend I'd expect him to be invited because they do know him, although if it was an old friend (that is, one who hadn't really met him much, but knew me well) and they had a tiny wedding like mine I wouldn't necessarily care much.

I have an easier time sympathizing with 'I don't want random people at my wedding and don't want to feed them' than 'but we have been together for ages and are married my spouse should be invited.' I don't know. I do think how offended/unoffended I am slides with size of the wedding and who specifically they are.

Yes, I would be offended because I would feel left out.

I don't think time should be a factor/a line. I was attached at the hip to my husband after our first date and we moved in together within a few months.

I personally didn't care if I met anyone new at the wedding. I was so busy greeting and chatting.

Yes I would be offended. No it doesn't matter how long we've been dating. I knew 2 months into our relationship I would be marrying FH someday and regardless of what we called ourselves we were together and would be offended if I didn't get the plus 1. Same went for FH. 6 months into our relationship he had a christening to go to for some distant family and got a plus 1

If I wasn't seeing anyone ( or rather, when I wasn't seeing anyone) it would depend. Most family, I could do without. Distant family, I would appreciate a plus one. Friends, I could do without.

Married, engaged, living together and dating should always get a plus 1.

If i know only a few people at the wedding, and I'm single, I would want a plus 1 and would bring ( and have brought in this case) my best friend. If I know a whole table or more, I would say no plus 1.

Those are my lines.. but having said that, I gave anyone over 18 a plus one and named the SO on the invite whenever I could

In college, 2 of my good friends got married (about a year apart). A month or so before each, I had just started dating someone. My friends knew the guy, but we weren't bf/gf yet. In both cases the guy was invited, but honestly I was surprised they were!

I don't think I would be offended, then again, anyone who knows me knows I'm living with my SO and while not 'officially' engaged or publicly planning our wedding, it's well known that that is where we are headed. Also, both he and I are among very few, on either side, yet to be married.

My FH and I are going for intimacy for our wedding. We are only inviting the people closest to us...and their significant others, children. We're estimating a total of 80 or so family and friends, including children. Therefore, we have a "no random" policy. Since, we're only inviting folks we see and talk to regularly, we know if they're in a relationship...and we have no problem asking before we send out invites. They're our family and friends, not strangers.

Anyway, if it's a single family member that is not in a committed relationship, they are not getting a plus one. They will have plenty of family to hang with. It's only a few hours, they'll live. For single friends, they only get a plus one if they won't know anyone besides FH and me. So basically plus ones will be dependent on whether they're in a relationship and if they know enough people to enjoy the wedding. I don't believe in bringing someone just because you want to hook up a random friend with a free meal and open bar. No ma'am. We're not paying for that.

I wouldn't be offended if I was single, I might be if I was in a serious relationship though, but only if the couple knew both of us and only invited me. I know the cost of a wedding and the stress. I go to a wedding to celebrate the marriage of a friend, not as a fun date night. I can count the number of single ones that will be at our wedding on one hand. We've all been friends for a very long time, there literally won't be anyone who doesn't already know everyone else.

My only experience on this topic is this: FH and I had been together for a year and already living together when my cousin sent out her wedding invitations. FH wasn't invited, but my brother's SO was invited. You have to be really careful about this sort of thing. I was offended because i felt my relationship was invalidated.

All of the friends we are inviting are close friends... so we will know if they start dating someone. Our rule for plus ones is that if they are dating someone at all, they are getting a plus one. Who are we to judge the quality of their relationship? If they are not dating anyone at all, they aren't getting a plus one. Most of our friends are engaged/married/in serious relationships, so it's not a huge issue.

But I've always kind of had an issue with people creating cut offs for plus one invites. Just because someone hasn't been dating for a year, doesn't mean they aren't in a serious relationship.

Woo this took off while I was typing my thing.

I think my line is more 'are you inviting people you don't know?' If you are, then it doesn't really matter how long they're dating. If you're not, then it also doesn't really matter how long they've been dating.

But that's not a very helpful answer because I know people can't afford to invite everyone and give everyone plus ones, but don't necessarily want to give no one plus ones. I guess that's why I'm speaking to more immediate feelings of offense than logic of how to make your list.

@Aver haha ok. Well, yes. I would be offended if a close friend or family member invited FH to a wedding and didn't offer him a plus one or put my name on the invitation. If we had only been dating a couple months, maybe not so offended but we've been dating 1.5 years at this point and I've met his family and close friends.

If a high school friend that FH hasn't seen in five years didn't offer him a plus one, I wouldn't be offended but I doubt my FH would attend.

If I were single, I wouldn't be offended at all. However, if I didn't think I would no one else at the wedding I probably wouldn't attend unless it's a really good friend.

I have a different take on this. When I invite an adult loved one or friend to a social event I'm hosting, I tell them they can bring an escort. It can be a friend, a parent, a sibling, the neighbor, a friend with benefits, a significant other, a dating partner, or a fiance/fiancee. I would do the same thing if I were inviting an adult loved one or friend to my wedding. I am not going to examine every adult relationship to determine how valid I think those relationships are. In my mind, it is important that the guest have a great evening, and if bringing an escort makes that easier to accomplish, then they get a guest.

Would I be offended if I, as an adult, weren't given a plus one to a wedding? Honestly, I would. But at my age, so would everyone else in my social circle.

I do agree, Centerpiece, with your idea of an escort, largely because I don't think romantic relationships should be the only ones seen as significant (regardless of length etc. if you can bring a casual date, you should be able to bring a casual [other guest] instead).

I don't agree that adult should be offered an escort slot to anything, though, because space and other restrictions are real, and lots of people, I'm sure, would rather invite 10 friends than 5 friends and 5 strangers when those restrictions apply, and again, I can't fault that.

It depends on who you are to me. Pretty much the only time I wouldn't be offended was if the person was a coworker or high school friend from before we were together. We don't mind attending weddings alone, are pretty laid back, and generally take non-invites as a budget issue rather than as a middle finger. Even if you were someone closer to me, I wouldn't be OFFENDED, but I'd probably raise an eyebrow that's for sure.

I would be very offended if my husband wasn't invited, and I saw it the same as when we lived together (we were already engaged when we moved in together). I had the same criteria for couples we invited. Married, engaged and/or living together were a must.

In terms of people who are dating, it's trickier, because sometimes people become very close right from the start, like Erica, whereas there's people who have been dating for a while but still see their relationship as somewhat casual.

Something else to think about - what if they don't know anybody at the party? We gave plus ones to a couple people who either had started seeing someone recently or was not seeing anybody, because we knew they wouldn't have friends among our guests.

I would be offended if my fh wasn't given a plus one. Not that he can't go w/o me (we've both been to weddings alone even since we've been together) its you as a person getting married should understand why you want your SO at a wedding. If we have to decline I always send a gift (just usually not as large as if we actually attended). But in the event I declined bc my FH wasn't invited I certainly wouldn't be compelled to buy you anything. Plus my fh can be an a$$ hole so if I ever told him he wasn't invited he would probably hate you for years, bc he would feel that is a sign of disrespect of our rship. Luckily we've nvr been in that situation.

VC-I actually had the opposite consideration at mine, I had a friend with whom I felt obligated to invite her SO, though I don't know him, but she would have been literally the only person he had ever met before at the wedding (and of the guests, likely he'd only ever see me and her ever again), although she would have several people to catch up with. But as well as being very long term relationship, she was coming a long way and stuff and I didn't want to make her either make the trip alone or bring a travel partner and not invite them. But we talked about it before invites went out even and she planned to come alone anyway, so it didn't matter.

FFW- I forgot that (at least in some places) people are etiquette-implored to send gifts to weddings they don't attend, so I didn't really consider that (although I don't suggest anyone use that as a reason to invite people's SOs, obviously).

I know you're using general 'you,' but I'm looking at this as a guest more than as a bride (I barely consider my wedding a wedding), and I mean, my cousin/other relatives maybe should know if they're getting married that my spouse is important to me and I'd like him to be there, but that doesn't translate to really feeling like they should want him there.

At this point in my relationship, I think I (or FH) would be offended. We have been together since high school - so most people have always known us as a "couple". However, when we first started dating two of FH's cousins also got married - I was surprised that I was invited to the weddings (I was officially invited to one, as well as the wedding shower, and future baby showers. However, FMIL never told me that I had been invited to the showers - had I known, I probably would have sent gifts, as I believe I was away at college during the showers. The other wedding, I had no idea I was invited to and FH didn't know I was invited until they asked about me at the reception). I was surprised because I wasn't that close to his family yet - I was always fairly quiet/shy the handful (maybe?) of times I met them (for family events) before the weddings.

I do have to say that I am inviting some friends without a plus one. They do know other people that are invited to the wedding. However, this is not to say that they will all say "yes". We did invite couples (some are fairly new couples and they were surprised that their SO was invited - we even kept getting asked, if we were sure and that they wouldn't mind coming alone). I haven't met some of our guests SO's but I am looking forward to meeting them. Originally, we only wanted people who we knew, to attend our wedding - but that slowly and sort of got thrown out the window. We only gave some of our single guests plus ones -- those are the ones that are traveling from overseas (if they are willing to come overseas, the least we can do is let them bring an escort as a traveling companion).

I am really all over the board with this, but to sum it up. I was surprised to be invited to weddings within the first couple of years of FH and I dating (we were dating a year before I went away to college, 4.5 hours away; so we didn't get to see each other much while I was in college and I didn't spend a whole lot of time with his family before I got invited to the different weddings). Right now, if I didn't get invited - I would probably be hurt, ask if I was suppose to be invited, but I would let FH go if he wanted to. **He recently went to a friend's wedding alone. I was invited, but we both had just gotten back from another wedding from across the country and we couldn't afford for me to miss more days off of work. I was completely okay staying back (he flew out early Monday morning for a late Monday morning wedding and then flew back early Tuesday morning) for many reasons. Yeah.. that wasn't summing it up - as I totally went on another tangent.

I would be offended now but wasn't/wouldn't have been the first three or so years of my relationship with FH (again that has to do with the whole being away for college thing/not spending lots of time with his family beforehand).

I would be offended. Maybe we are an odd couple, but we rarely go out without each other. I do know other couples where each does their own thing and both are perfectly happy. However, I think the safest assumption when inviting a couple to something is that they would prefer to attend together. I'm also a little extra fired up about this from my brother and SIL's wedding recently... FH and I have been living together for 6 months and engaged for 4 months. Brother was out of town for work when their invitations were addressed and sent. This was after we'd been engaged for a solid 2 months, and I had given SIL our address after I moved out of my apartment. Invitation shows up addressed to me only! I didn't say anything about it, but you bet your sweet @$$ I brought FH to the (300 miles from where we live, Friday of Labor Day weekend) wedding.

I have been invited to events without a plus one and so has my FH. Neither of us were offended. I've invited co-workers to my wedding and let them know they don't have a plus one and some are married. Reality is if I don't know you I'm saving both of us the awkward moment. If your offended then don't come.