Are you Offended? (re: plus 1s)

@Centerpiece - The only reason I ended up attending was because the wedding was 6 hours away from me, and about 20 minutes from my FILs. My FH got to spend a night hanging out with his dad because of it, but it was definitely insulting. My sister didn't bother making the trip.

One of my cousins who will still be engaged by my wedding emailed me saying she felt so bad she even was asking, but she threw out the save the date envelope and couldn't remember if her fiance was invited. Of course he is, you're engaged and have lived together for 7 years!

If I were just dating someone, I wouldn't be offended, UNLESS we hung out with the bride/groom as a couple socially and considered them friends. But if they didn't know my boyfriend, I wouldn't be offended.... I personally don't want a lot of strangers at my wedding, either. Blanket plus 1's can also easily DOUBLE your budget and I'm not willing to do that to feed 20 people I don't know. 20 extra people at my wedding would be almost $4K... that's 4 months rent! Even if I didn't "need" the money, there's people I could HELP with that money.

I think the only hard cut off to be invited is living together/engaged/married (obviously). If we're sharing a life and sharing expenses with someone, I wouldn't attend a big expensive event without my S/O...

And if you're single - I am ALL ABOUT going to a wedding solo rather than dragging a friend or bringing a "date" you don't really like.... I met FH at a wedding!

FutureMrsDrF -- you're a "find the silver lining" type of lady (and I'm glad you seized the opportunity for your FH to spend time with his father).

Yeah, fairly offended. When a friend of mine got married a few years ago, FH and I were long-distance, but we'd been together for over seven years at that point. She'd made a big deal about how she was inviting all "established couples" so it really stung when he wasn't invited.

And the really infuriating part was that, due to the distance, she knew he probably wouldn't have been able to go, so it wasn't even about saving money. All she had to do was add his name to the damn envelope on my invite. I'm still resentful about it.

Yes, I would be offended. By not inviting your guests' significant others, you're prioritizing something (the venue, the flowers, the food) over your guests' comfort. That's the absolute wrong way to plan a wedding. And there is no defensible line you can draw in the sand. By saying "only married, engaged, or living together partners", you're ruling out people who may be together for years but just aren't ready for marriage yet. Any time limit, like they must be dating for 6 months, is equally arbitrary. I have no place judging other people's relationships like that.

Plus ones are trickier. I personally wanted to give my true single guests a plus one because I wanted my guests to be as comfortable as possible, and if they would be more comfortable with someone there, they should have that option. I understand that's not always possible and I wouldn't side eye an invitation without a plus one to a single guest, but it's just my preference.

I personally don't understand the argument that you don't want any strangers at your wedding. If my guest sees herself in a relationship, then that guest should be invited with their partner, regardless of whether I've met them or not. I have friends all around the country and met a few SOs for the first time at my wedding. If I went by the rule that I had to know the person, that would have caused a lot of hurt feelings and would have been pretty bitchy on my part. I loved having my friends and their SOs there and wouldn't have changed it for anything.

@FutureMrsDrF - that is unbelievable! I'm glad you were able to find a silver lining but UGH! To throw a Full House throwback out there...HOW RUDE!

To me you only really have to invite SOs when people have been together long term, are engaged/married, or living together. If I thought a friend had gotten very serious very quickly I might have taken that into consideration but we didn't have the room to give everyone +1s for just dates (if we'd done that we would have had to cut out family members). It's nice when you can do that but given that everyone we invited knew at least a handful of other people we didn't see it as a big deal. No one was standing around feeling awkward and alone. It might have been different if we were inviting a bunch of friends from different parts of our lives who wouldn't know anyone.

I wouldn't attend a lot of weddings (though there are probably a few) without my partner, because I wouldn't be able to get through them and wouldn't enjoy it, because I need someone there, but I don't really feel like it's rude of the hosts, if they're considering every other need of the people they actually want as guests. I think you can be considerate of our guests without catering to every whim.

I might also be skewed because the weddings I attend are usually very small or very family.

I think part of what I'm getting at is what people are saying with not being able to judge whether a relationship is or isn't serious enough to count, but in the opposite direction- eg, because it's across an arbitrary line, suddenly people are expected to invite someone?

I've never had to attend a wedding without my SO at the time, but I'm pretty sure I just wouldn't go. Or, if I went, I definitely wouldn't have a great time without FH. I'm pretty surprised by how many people here are against having any guests they don't know. I want everyone to have a great time at my wedding, and I think offering plus ones is just a way of better hosting people; we've gotten some cancellations and been able to offer more plus ones, and I just say to please let me know if there is anyone (date or friend) whose presence would make the evening even more enjoyable. I'm with Emily, I'm excited to meet some new people at my wedding. They're not just random people; they're people who are loved, or at least important, to the people that I love. And that's enough for me.

If I know of the relationship at all, that's good enough, and I'm not going to go judging how serious it is. I wouldn't dream of only inviting half a couple. I will say, though, that a TON of people are turning down plus ones, so I know that not everyone would care as much.

Honestly, I don't like to attend weddings unless i know the couple (and thus other people attending) really well, so if they don't want to invite me, just DH, fine by me! Since I can't drive, if they wanted to invite me but not, him that would be problematic, but not in an emotional way-- just in a 'well, NOW how am I supposed to get there?' way.

I believe that people should decide whatever they want when it comes to their special day. That being said, and from personal experience, if you don’t invite a plus one you will still eventually have to deal with the way your decision to not include both people made the uninvited guest feel. Making someone’s SO feel uncomfortable could really jeopardize the closeness you have with your friend.