Eliza
Devoted March 2015

Are destination weddings rude?

Eliza, on December 4, 2013 at 3:42 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 64
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Two of my good friends just got engaged and set their wedding date two weeks before my (already existing) wedding date. My fiance and I truly love them and would love to attend their wedding. Only problem is: it's in France. If they were having a wedding near me it would be possible to go, but we can't go to France two weeks before our wedding! Plus, it's not like they have family there... they just picked it out of the blue because they want to visit. And they are giving us a hard time already saying they hope we can come. What do you think? Is it unreasonable of us to skip it?

edit: I was going to write a long response but this article pretty much articulates my thoughts exactly: http://weddings.gatheringguide.com/ac/wedding-etiquette/how-rude-are-destination-weddings (which are, there are ways to make it not rude... but in general asking your guests to do that is very inconsiderate!)

64 Comments

  • Lisa
    VIP September 2014
    Lisa ·
    • Flag

    I definitely do not think it is unreasonable for you to skip it. 2 weeks before my wedding? I wouldn't go.

    • Reply
  • SunshineJenn
    Master August 2014
    SunshineJenn ·
    • Flag

    Destination weddings are not rude. People have the weddings they can afford and it's up to the guests to decide if they can attend.

    It is not unreasonable for you to skip it. You're getting married right after that.

    • Reply
  • Jackie
    VIP July 2014
    Jackie ·
    • Flag

    If you cant go, you cant go. Plain and simple. If theyre going that far to get married, they should expect that people wont be able to go. Tell them you cant go, and if they question you, tell them the truth, that paying for your own wedding wont allow you to afford the trip.

    • Reply
  • SXC
    VIP November 2013
    SXC ·
    • Flag

    Destination weddings aren't rude, perhaps inconvenient and expensive for everyone else though. However a bride putting people in a guilt trip for not coming to her destination wedding? That's rude.

    My guess is that she's finding out a lot of people are also saying no and having a hard time trying to justify the destination wedding, if no one is going to be there. Just a thought.

    • Reply
  • L
    Master February 2015
    LetItSnow ·
    • Flag

    Anytime someone has a destination wedding they can't EXPECT anyone to go. They should just be delighted that anyone comes. Any expectations that someone will spend a small fortune, take time off work, buy a gift and outfit etc to attend your wedding is rude.

    I think especially considering it is so close to your wedding, it is perfectly reasonable excuse to say you just aren't in a position to go. Call it budget, call it needing time to organize your own wedding, call it lack of vacation time from work when you add in your honeymoon- whatever. You shouldn't be EXPECTED to go and I think it is unreasonable to expect that.

    Last year I received 3 destination wedding invites to 1-week all-inclusive resorts. There was no way I could do all three in the same year. I couldn't afford it, I didn't have the vacation time and that's not how I would choose to spend my money even if I had the time and money.

    I too got flack, but I just explained, if it were local I'd be there.

    • Reply
  • Rebekah
    Master April 2014
    Rebekah ·
    • Flag

    I do not think DW's are rude. I think what is rude is putting pressure on someone to attend. When you choose to get married far away you have to know that people may not be able to make it. We picked Nassau because we love the Bahamas & if you leave New Orleans at 6am you are there by noon.

    I don't know that I would travel to France 2 weeks before my wedding. It would really depend on finances. It just seems like a lot.

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  • NLeo
    VIP May 2014
    NLeo ·
    • Flag

    I'm doing a DW but I do think it was kind of rude to set their date so close to yours anyway. Especially if they are pressuring you to go. I wouldn't go if I were you. And that's not rude. That's common sense.

    • Reply
  • P
    Super April 2014
    PurpleHairLover ·
    • Flag

    They aren't rude but in a lot of ways are very unpractical. Not everyone can afford to go which is one thing you are running into right now. It isn't unreasonable of you not to go! after all you're trying to put on a wedding too not just them!

    • Reply
  • Eleanor
    VIP October 2014
    Eleanor ·
    • Flag

    Agree with the others. It's not rude to have a destination wedding but it is very rude for them to put pressure on you to go.

    • Reply
  • Z
    Master May 2012
    Zoe ·
    • Flag

    It's not unreasonable for anyone to skip a wedding, but especially not for a DW which involves so much more time and expense, and especially *especially* not when it's so close to yours. Don't make this about you and your wedding, though. They probably have a million contraints that led them to pick that date, such as cheaper rates in France, siblings in the military, company policies on vacation, etc.

    • Reply
  • AndreaLily
    Master October 2013
    AndreaLily ·
    • Flag

    No they aren't rude, it's what they want to do. I do think it's rude to plan it two weeks before yours and expect you to go. Right, let me just pull out that extra 5 grand I have laying around and no need for and go to France. Get real.

    • Reply
  • KarenM
    Master November 2014
    KarenM ·
    • Flag

    Well put AndreaLily. Ditto. The DW itself isn't rude, but being offended if you can't make it is.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Shanon V
    Master May 2014
    Mrs. Shanon V ·
    • Flag

    I don't think they are rude. Two of my cousins are also getting married next year. Both are destination weddings: one before me and one after. We're not going to either...that's just the way it works.

    • Reply
  • Out the Window
    Master May 2014
    Out the Window ·
    • Flag

    Your wedding is important to you and your spouse only. Everyone has responsibilities of their own and will make decisions based on their own lives. Maybe that was the only time they are able to take off. Maybe this is the only time they think they would be able to visit France. It just so happens to coincide close to your wedding date. Things happen. Life happens. So no, it's not rude to plan a destination wedding.

    But it is crazy to think she EXPECTS you to be there.

    • Reply
  • ItsGoodToBeKing
    Master February 2014
    ItsGoodToBeKing ·
    • Flag

    I think itʻs unreasonable to still be working right before your wedding- little lone in FRANCE -.-

    • Reply
  • Shannon Giraffes.
    Super January 2014
    Shannon Giraffes. ·
    • Flag

    As always, I'm in the minority. I do think DW's are rude and selfish. I understand its "your day" but there are so, so many other people that it is also very important for. I can maybe understand something out of town here in the states, maybe like a 3-4 hour drive away. But another country? Why? Just go on your honeymoon there.

    More on topic though...I agree that there's no reason they should be upset that you can't go. You had been planning your wedding before they decided to waltz off to France. Most regular people don't have that sort of money, or vacation time built up to just travel around like that.

    • Reply
  • SunshineJenn
    Master August 2014
    SunshineJenn ·
    • Flag

    Shannon, some people can only afford DWs. And if a DW is selfish, then so is eloping. And then consider than most people have family who are more than a 3-4 hour drive away and the location doesn't really matter because everyone needs to travel anyway.

    • Reply
  • Abby
    VIP November 2013
    Abby ·
    • Flag

    It's not rude to have a destination wedding, but it would be rude of your friend to expect that you would be able to come 2 weeks before your own wedding.

    Anyone having a desintination should have realistic expectations about people coming. Especially with it being on another continent! Chances are people are NOT going to be willing and/or able to come. She needs to accept that or change her date. You are not being unreasonable in saying you can't go.

    • Reply
  • Carly
    Super November 2014
    Carly ·
    • Flag

    I don't think they are rude but the couple can't expect or put pressure on guests attending. You have to know that it will affect your guest count because of the additional financial stake your guests have. But every couple had a right to do whatever wedding they desire.

    • Reply
  • Out the Window
    Master May 2014
    Out the Window ·
    • Flag

    Let's face it - for the majority, having a DW is so that you're HOPING certain people can't go. Exactly why my sister did one in Maui. She only had 10 other people show up. She was in her glory.

    • Reply

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