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Lynn
Expert September 2017

Anyone NOT having the wedding they always dreamed of?

Lynn, on September 14, 2017 at 7:26 PM

Posted in Planning 73

So are any of you not having the wedding you always wanted and if so, why? Did your desires change, and if not, how are you dealing with the unmet expectations?

So are any of you not having the wedding you always wanted and if so, why? Did your desires change, and if not, how are you dealing with the unmet expectations?

73 Comments

  • perthgirl
    Dedicated October 2017
    perthgirl ·
    • Flag

    I'm not. We always wanted to elope somewhere beautiful - mountains in canada or New Zealand or even in our local wine region 3.5hours away, or San Fran city hall. But it was important to FH and I to have out parents and siblings there.

    FHs parents are old and not in good health to travel long distances, and his sister lives overseas with her husband and two kids and would never pay to travel somewhere other than our hometown to watch her brother get married (and she's not even paying now, FHs parents are) and even when we suggested the wine region (driving only and we would have hired a mini bus to dxrive them down and paid for accomodation) we got so many compaints about how it was too hard and wasnt fair on them.

    So we're doing a 70 person, traditional wedding in our hometown with a plated dinner, and speeches and a first dance. I'm sure it will be a good day, but I still wish we could have eloped instead.

    • Reply
  • mrsaj2b
    Master October 2019
    mrsaj2b ·
    • Flag

    At one point I probably would have had the wedding exactly the way I'd write it out if it were a movie but my FH has been fighting cancer and we've had to reschedule this wedding several times. Each time the wedding in my mind has been watered down. This time around it is just about bare bones. LOL! It's ok though. At this point I just want to marry the man I love. Honestly, if I could easily cancel and gets a least a part of my money back I would. I'd then just go to an island, just he & I, and have an ultra romantic I Do private ceremony.

    • Reply
  • Beachy
    VIP November 2017
    Beachy ·
    • Flag

    Mine just took a detour. I am not doing what I really saw myself doing for a 2nd wedding, however I am doing things that I love.

    We are having a beach wedding but I wanted to just elope. FH has never been married and im sure his family would resent me if we didnt have at least some fashion of family at the wedding. Its not what i wanted 100% but its partially what i envisioned.

    • Reply
  • Mrs.hays
    VIP April 2018
    Mrs.hays ·
    • Flag

    I originally wanted my venue to be a vineyard but I changed it to a church to save money.

    • Reply
  • Clarissa
    Super October 2021
    Clarissa ·
    • Flag

    I'm not I wanted a beach wedding in the spring but FH wanted to do it in March and since that's the only thing he's requesting I'm giving him that.

    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    Expert October 2018
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag

    Just the fact that I am getting married is enough of a change for me. I have super low self esteem so I thought I would never find the right person to marry. I didnt even let myself dream about it. Now look at me, engaged to the love of my life.

    • Reply
  • ANASTASIA
    Dedicated April 2018
    ANASTASIA ·
    • Flag

    After meeting FH, I dreamed of a beautiful fall wedding, with just immediate family and our two best friends. Instead, I'm having a spring wedding with 100+ guests. FH has a large family, and really wanted them all there(I love all of them, I just wanted something more intimate). As for fall, we have several birthdays, major holidays, and police life related things that happen in October/November- so adding another event in the mix seemed like too much. I'm pretty happy with what I can do style wise with a spring wedding.

    • Reply
  • Whitney
    Devoted June 2018
    Whitney ·
    • Flag

    My vision changed a bit due to who my partner is. When I first thought about getting married I imagined a party at night with dancing and friends. However, FH hates dancing and we don't have enough money to do the evening reception at our venue. Our guest list is mainly family. It will be a lovely afternoon wedding though. I'm still happy.

    • Reply
  • alma
    Devoted October 2017
    alma ·
    • Flag

    To be honest I wanted more of a back yard wedding with a lot of small lighting hanging from trees. With only very close family and friends with no more that 60 people. To go a Greek honeymoon. I would have an all black dress on.

    Instead we are having our wedding at a beach resort near home, our guest count is between 100-175 and our honeymoon will have to wait since FH wants me to get my paper work fixed first so wr can take a family moon with our kids instead. My dress is not full black but i still love it.

    • Reply
  • Jessi
    VIP December 2017
    Jessi ·
    • Flag

    I had my "dream wedding" when I was young and while it was fun, it was a pain in the ass and i don't talk to 90% of the people that were there (too many acquaintances and parents work people that I felt i had to invite because they were paying and "sure, it's a wedding, everyone should come").

    I never thought I'd get married again but then I met FH (after being single for 10 years) and he changed my mind cause he's awesome. I wanted to do just us on an island somewhere, but 1)when i told my son he asked what he got to do in the wedding, 2)FH wanted his mom and sister and niece there, and 3) I decided I wanted to have family too (even though my mom and dad have passed and it made me a little sad to get married without them there) so then it turned into what it is now: a 30 person intimate ceremony and dinner at a really nice restaurant. I like it and am glad we will get to share this with our families and a couple of really good friends.

    • Reply
  • CarrieLynn
    Expert December 2017
    CarrieLynn ·
    • Flag

    I always wanted to get married in a church. I asked my preacher before choosing a venue, and none of the churches around would let her officiate. FH's church isn't the same denomination, and he really didn't want to get married at my mom's church. Every other church said my preacher could stand at the front and read a passage, but their preacher would have to do the rest. She couldn't even wear a robe. We would've gotten married in her church, but it's too far and way too small. So, outside it is! (I call her my preacher because she was since I was about 4, then when I was about 15 she was reappointed somewhere else. Our families have also kept in touch. She also officiated my sister's wedding.)

    • Reply
  • Kristin
    Master January 2034
    Kristin ·
    • Flag

    My dream wedding would have been 25 people at Disneyland in front of the castle or eloping to Scotland and getting married in a castle, but that was MY dream and not FH's so we came to a compromise. We invited a few more people than I would have liked but it will all be ok in the end Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Expert March 2018
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    Budget.... dealing with it with lots of OT to try and make it happen. Working toward my goals!

    • Reply
  • Lynn
    Expert September 2017
    Lynn ·
    • Flag

    Tiffany, at the risk of over stepping boundaries, I have a friend that had a wedding much like you are describing where the FH and FMIL controlled everything. Fast forward ten years, two kids later, it became an abusive (abuse is not always physical) that she had to physically escape, but because of the children dealt with it daily until the youngest child turned 18. Is this a sign of your future?

    • Reply
  • T Marie
    Super October 2017
    T Marie ·
    • Flag

    I've always wanted to get married on a beach on some island but a destination wedding just wasn't possible for our vips. When looking for venues one thing I wouldn't budge on is having the option to have the ceremony outside. We had to like both the indoor & outdoor option. The venue we chose we love the ceremony space for both.

    • Reply
  • Lynn
    Expert September 2017
    Lynn ·
    • Flag

    Just Kidding, sorry you have to have kids at your wedding. That is one of the first things we agreed on. I'm not letting someone's kids ruin our day.

    • Reply
  • Jesca
    Dedicated March 2018
    Jesca ·
    • Flag

    I was in the process of planning pretty much my dream wedding. The venue was the only one that both my fiancé and I fell in love with (the views were amazing), it was within our price range (win!), we can invite all family with kids (because no one wants to actually bring their kids to a DW).

    Now we're not sure if my venue is still standing. St. Thomas has some major damage from Hurricane Irma. We are hopeful about still getting married on the island. It just might not be my dream venue. As long as I'm getting married to the man of my dreams, there is nothing more than I could ask for.

    • Reply
  • Orchids
    Master March 2018
    Orchids ·
    • Flag

    I want a quiet elopement, the two of us somewhere beautiful and no bells and whistles. Alas, FH wants the whole shebang.

    • Reply
  • CoolKat
    Super October 2017
    CoolKat ·
    • Flag

    I really wanted to elope but now we are having the big wedding. I have since created dreams of what I want the wedding to look like but unfortunately I have expensive taste with a modest budget

    • Reply
  • JJAF
    Super October 2019
    JJAF ·
    • Flag

    Yes. I wanted an intimate wedding but because FH has a large family and my FILs have a lot of people they want to invite (and are paying for a larger majority of the wedding), they have the say. And it sucks Smiley sad

    • Reply

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