Lynn
Expert September 2017

Anyone NOT having the wedding they always dreamed of?

Lynn, on September 14, 2017 at 7:26 PM Posted in Planning 0 73
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So are any of you not having the wedding you always wanted and if so, why? Did your desires change, and if not, how are you dealing with the unmet expectations?

73 Comments

Latest activity by Sydney, on September 23, 2017 at 9:14 PM
  • SweetAugustBride
    Super August 2018
    SweetAugustBride ·
    • Flag

    I'm not sadly. It's FH and FMIL that's taking charge and every time I state my opinion, it doesn't matter. I just gave up and told FH it's his wedding and I just walk away. I don't give any input anymore since it gets put down anyways. It's hard but I'll just deal with it I guess.

    • Reply
  • VC
    Super April 2018
    VC ·
    • Flag

    I would've LOVED to have a destination at some beautiful resort in the Caribbean, but FH put his foot down and demanded his grandparents be invited. They've been practically counting down the days. They've recently been placed into a nursing home, so we're hoping they'll physically be able to make it!

    • Reply
  • LovroftheArts
    Devoted April 2018
    LovroftheArts ·
    • Flag

    Kinda in the sense I always always ALWAYS dreamed of being an Autumn bride. I had soooo many Autumn wedding ideas/fantasies but unfortunately there were 2 big obstacles

    1. My older sister got engaged before me and wanted an Autumn wedding too. I know everyone says "Everyone gets ONE day" and we could have technically just gone ahead and planned a wedding 2 weeks or a month after hers (she wanted Sep/Oct and we wanted Oct/Nov) but we knew that would make it super hard for our out of state family to attend both weddings and my older sis and I have a strained relationship that we are trying to rebuild so I didn't want any drama/hurt feelings/weirdness to come between us by choosing a date close after hers

    2) We knew we wouldn't have the *quality* of wedding we wanted with only an 8 month engagement (got engagaed in February). Fiance suggested we wait til Oct 2018 so I could get the Autumn wedding I dreamed of but I was definitely not prepared to wait that long. So we split the difference and came up with April. And since we were already planning to have our honeymoon in New Orleans regardless of the month we decided to do a destination wedding there too!

    So yes my wedding vision changed from what I fantasized about as a teenager and that's okay (though I will admit I felt pretty sad about it for a few months after we made the decision). But I've come to appreciate Spring is just as beautiful as Autumn -just in a different way. We're going to have a kick-ass wedding at a STUNNING venue with 200 year old oaks, market lighting, a view of the Mississippi river and the catering is serving our guests phenomenal Creole/Cajun food and full open bar with an awesome DJ to keep our guests dancing for hours!

    • Reply
  • Emily
    Super July 2019
    Emily ·
    • Flag

    Awww @tiffany I'm sorry! That's so sad

    • Reply
  • BohoRN2017
    Expert November 2017
    BohoRN2017 ·
    • Flag

    Truthfully I am not. I wanted a much smaller dinner party. FH really wanted to invite a mass amount of friends. So I that kind of lead to my parents feeling like well if he is inviting all these friends why can't we invite more our friends.

    On the plus side since my parents have invited a lot of guests they are covering a large portion of costs. They have added a lot of other nice things I think guests will enjoy. So while the wedding is much larger than I wanted, it will be a nice one for our guests.

    If I had to go over with I would have told FH to cut the friend list.

    • Reply
  • Ariadne
    Savvy December 2017
    Ariadne ·
    • Flag

    Totally. But that's because my dream wedding would have a giant budget and I wouldn't have to compromise. But since I do have a groom, it's not what I had envisioned for just me. I still think it's gonna be great but it was not what I daydreamed of.

    • Reply
  • Light Haired Girl
    Expert February 2018
    Light Haired Girl ·
    • Flag

    I guess certain aspects aren't ideal, they aren't what I had an image of growing up. But I have learned to love the details! The biggest thing for me was the guest list. Originally we booked a venue, and set a date in May for 150 people, then I realized I want to marry FH because I want the marriage. So we moved up the date to February and had to cut our list down to 80. That was pretty hard. I always imagined more people being there. But the idea of a an intimate(ish) wedding has grown on me.

    • Reply
  • Breana
    Devoted September 2017
    Breana ·
    • Flag

    About 2-3 months ago, I realized that I was planning a wedding that my family wanted & not what we wanted. We dropped everything, lost about $3,000 in deposits and are excited to get married in Hawaii on Monday, just the two of us.

    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    Tiffany, I worry for you. Are you planning to spend the rest of your life kowtowing to your FMIL?

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Jjb
    Devoted November 2018
    Mrs. Jjb ·
    • Flag

    I'm not, I wanted a vintage winery setting with a smallish group of people but it was turning out to be far too expensive. It's actually more affordable (in my area) to do a traditional banquet hall with more guests than the vision I had.

    Once I made the decision I decided I would go forward and enjoy the process rather than look back with regret. I have to check myself a few times a week still.

    • Reply
  • Keisha
    Master September 2018
    Keisha ·
    • Flag

    I wanted a reception at a downtown hotel on the rooftop area. It's wall to floor windows and the view of the city is breathtaking. The rooftop terrace would have been perfect for the ceremony. But it only holds 180 and FH wanted a church ceremony.

    • Reply
  • FutureMrsR
    VIP May 2018
    FutureMrsR ·
    • Flag

    @Tiffany, That's so not okay. You don't deserve to be suffering in silence. Don't do this to yourself; speak up and don't let anyone walk all over you.

    @OP, I never really had a dream wedding, but I'm happy with what we're doing. I wish we could invite a few more people for sure, but I just can't afford it.

    • Reply
  • Trish
    Devoted November 2017
    Trish ·
    • Flag

    I'm actually loving how everything is shaping up. If there was a way to make it work out so that we could have gotten married at the winery where I work, we would've. Unfortunately, the rental fees for a tent, chairs, flatware, plates, linens, etc was getting to be a bit much. I love the venue we did choose and am happy with that.

    I wish my sister and i got along so that she could be in it, but that's not possible.

    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Super June 2018
    Hannah ·
    • Flag

    I wanted a DW and it's just not realistic with our families. I always wanted a November wedding but with my work schedule it's not possible. It's not a big deal though.

    • Reply
  • Malwen107
    VIP October 2018
    Malwen107 ·
    • Flag

    I never had a "dream wedding." I knew that when I met someone, we would create something that was perfect for us, and that's exactly what we're doing. Even when we got engaged it took a long time for either of us to come up with a vision of what we wanted!

    • Reply
  • KarenO
    Master June 2018
    KarenO ·
    • Flag

    Honestly, no. I never really thought much about my wedding and never thought I'd actually get married. I was raised Catholic, so always assumed I'd have a church wedding if it did happen, but I am not practicing anymore.

    Once I started to really think about it, after I met FH, I thought about eloping to Vegas or getting married on the beach. That is not at all what we're having (nearby historic mansion by the river for the ceremony; ballroom there for the reception). I am happy the way it's turning out even though it's more than what we really wanted.

    • Reply
  • FutureFuji
    Devoted October 2017
    FutureFuji ·
    • Flag

    I thought we would have more guests but we are struggling to meet the minimum for our venue. We actually cut down the guest list a bit because it was approaching 130 and then somehow a lot of unexpected things happened to various guests and they are now not able to come. I'm bummed but I know it will be a great day regardless.

    Oh, and one of my bridesmaids (someone I've been friends with for over 10 years) bailed on me 30 days before the wedding. Didn't see that coming. Trying to roll with the punches and remember WHY I'm getting married... and that is to be with FH.

    • Reply
  • Melissa
    Super June 2018
    Melissa ·
    • Flag

    I never really "dreamt" of a wedding my whole life. But, once we got engaged, my dream wedding was FH and I getting married just the 2 of us on a mountain or somewhere scenic. But, FH and his family want the big wedding so here we are. I am sure I will enjoy it as well, but not my idea of a "dream wedding".

    • Reply
  • Phae
    Dedicated April 2018
    Phae ·
    • Flag

    Our wedding was a nightmare. MIL took advantage of the fact that we were on the young side and had been to exactly zero (0) weddings that we could remember. So she basically picked every single thing. I think maybe we chose the caterer or the menu but it was only one of those things. Oh and our daughter's dress. My mom insisted she would make any dress I wanted, I gave her a picture and she decided it would not flatter me, so she made what she wanted me to wear. It wasn't a bad dress, but still. She also made the bridesmaid dresses, which were a "surprise", that did not go with the colors MIL chose because my mom didn't like those colors. I don't actually remember most of the decorations, I couldn't tell you what the centerpieces even vaguely looked like, that's how little I was involved.

    I could go more in detail, but in summary:

    Our vow renewal venue could catch on fire in the middle of the reception and it would still go better than our wedding.

    • Reply
  • Robyn
    Super October 2017
    Robyn ·
    • Flag

    Yes! We are getting married in a Catholic Church... ugh I hate it.

    • Reply

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