Anyone have a decline to a bridesmaid request?

I see nothing wrong with declining to be a bridesmaid. It can be sort of a pain. It's not selfish because its not someones responsibility to be a bridesmaid. It's a choice and judging someone for it is kinda crappy in my opinion.

I don't see anything wrong with declining. I've been a bridesmaid four times already and I agree with @Eleanor -- it's a choice.

I guess it's one of those things...would you prefer that she accept and then not want to help and always be complaining? I asked a few of my friends that I hadn't seen in a few years b/c they live in another state to be BMs and would have been disappointed if they had declined but I would have understood. It's hard not to be a little offended but I'd try to realize that not everyone wants that responsibility.

It does sound weird that she's done it for some friends but not others...makes me wonder if she's just not that close with the friend whom she declined or maybe it really is about money and she just doesn't want to say.

I'm mostly annoyed because if its your good friend, don't you do things you don't really want to do because it means a lot to them? I guess I'm just thinking she should return the favour since we were in her bridal party and went out of our way for her.

I would ask her still. I made this exact mistake when planning my bridesmaids. My very close friend was talking about how she didn't to be a bridesmaid in one of her other close friends weddings and how inconvenient it was and that she didn't want to be bothered with it.. right in front of me.. so I decided to not ask her because I didn't want to be turned down (and I partially thought she was saying that to give me a hint she didn't want to be in mine).. After about 2 weeks of freaking out over it.. (I had no one else to chose because I have only a few friends I'd want in that role) I ended up mentioning it to her and she said "Are you you serious?! Of course I'd want to be in your wedding!" So I guess it all just depends. I'd ask!

ETA: Was I confused? Did you already ask her and she said no or did she say no to someone else?

I asked 2 of sisters to be my MOHs, and one of them is so excited and has all these grand plans. The other hesitated and I told her it's okay to decline. I won't be offended. Well she accepted and she's been MIA ever since. She doesn't want to do any of it, help out, she argues against anything I want, to the point where I want to kick her out. I understand it's not her thing, but I would rather her decline than be in it when she doesn't want too. If she had just declined, it would be done with, no hard feelings, and moved on. Now it's drama, no one can ever get a hold of her, she said she didn't wanna go to the Bach party because she's not 21 and it's in Vegas, so we planned without her, and now she made a big fuss because she didn't get a courtesy invite. It's not for everyone, and if someone doesn't like it, they should politely decline. I think if you really want her in your wedding, you should ask, but not be offended or get mad if she declines. Trust me, you want a polite decline, than have someone in your wedding who doesn't want to do it!! It's a hassle, and that'll hurt your feelings more than a decline.

I was 0-4 before I got a single yes. I didn't necessarily take it personally in the beginning, but it did hurt me a bit.

I'm with you on this one. I could understand if there was a good reason - like not having the money or being too busy. My feelings would have been hurt if one of my close friends said no.

For my best friend's first wedding, I tried to get out of being a BM. I didn't want to spend money on a dress I'd only wear once. I prioritize money to suit my needs, not others. I would have been happy to help with other things and listen to vents and support in other ways, I just had no desire to be a BM. But she really wanted me to be there, so I was.

I've already told my cousin, who was my BM, that I don't want to be a BM when she gets married. I'll help plan, do all sorts of other stuff, I just particularly hate buying dresses I don't really like.

I think it's good of her to be honest with her friend -- if she's just gonna be a BM sitting there like a bump on a log, it's not gonna be helpful to anyone, methinks.

I might be hurt before knowing anything about weddings.

Now knowing what I know I'm not sure I ever want to be a BM. LOL I've only been once and that was like 20 years ago.

I basically told my MOH that she was my MOH...I didn't even ask...I told her. : )

Here is a summary of 50% of posts on this website:

MY BRIDESMAID/MOH WONT DO ANYTHING AND DOESNT CARE ABOUT MY WEDDING I WANT TO KICK HER OUT ALL SHE DOES IS COMPLAIN

now, don't you think both parties involved in those situations would have just rather had the bridesmaid say no instead of feeling like they had to say yes and be miserable?

She turned down a close friend. She laughed to me about how she said no to our other friend and I too felt like she was telling me that to hint that I'll get a no too.

I haven't asked her yet, but I'd rather not ask her and get a fat rejection because she can't be bothered to help- especially since we were both in her bridal party and spent a fortune on it.

I would be hurt, but I would also rather somebody decline than have someone consistently let me down.

I can see your points about having her as a BM and not getting any help. I'm not really worried about that part since my only real expectation is to have her stand up for me. I guess I might feel different if I hadn't already put in my time for her wedding.

I think ... I know that I would rather them tell me no upfront. I am less than 2 weeks away and I just had to replace a BM because they just didn't want to do it anymore. We also have had to replace a GM twice, the first because he couldn't seem to schedule time off from work and we only found out because I had asked him if he was bringing anyone and that is when he told us, and the second because we can't get a hold of him and he moved and left no forwarding address. So it is best that you know upfront. And as far as the duties they have to do is determined by what you have them do. I personally haven't asked anything from my BMs but that is because I am a control freak and want things done a certain way and thankfully my man doesn't have a problem with that.

I didn't have anyone decline but when I was 16 my sister asked me to be her MOH and I declined. I was young and didn't like her husband so I thought I would take a stand. Looking back I regret this decision. I still don't like her husband but I wish I would of been there for my sister. Young and dumb

I had one it hurt my feelings a little bit then I got over it! She told me she didn't want to deal with everyone for the past so she would come to the wedding but no to the bridesmaid

I didn't HAVE to, but I did. My cousin sort of just expected that I would want to be in her wedding, and I so didn't. Looking back I should have done it, but ultimately it made it easier on her that I wasn't. The rest of her WP was local and I was 3 hours away at the time. I think I did hurt her feelings at first, but her mom (my aunt) talked her down.

I don't see anything wrong with declining. Some have reasons for it. I had to ask another girl to take the place of one of my bridesmaids (because I had one just back out) and I'm giving her a few weeks to think about it (she's out of town). I won't be mad if she says no, it's a personal choice.

I didn't have any of my girls decline, but FH had a GM decline. FH didn't care. He has 2 guys standing up for him and he's happy with that. He's a simple guy!