Anyone have a decline to a bridesmaid request?

My sister almost declined because I'm estranged from our father and not inviting him to the wedding. It would have made me sad, but she was very sweet about explaining why she wasn't sure.

Much better to have her decline up front than be a half-hearted BM. The woman I wanted for my MOH declined-- she was in Nepal doing Peace Corps and had *promised* she'd come home from wherever she was (she did a lot of PC type stuff back then) to see my wedding. Well, turned out that she was pretty miserable this time around and was afraid if she came home for the wedding she wouldn't have the will to go back. I was bummed but understood and we're still great friends.

I feel like I would rather have someone decline than begrudgingly agree and then act like a pain the entire time.

My feelings would’ve been very hurt, and I don’t think it’s something I’d ever do to someone. But everyone is different. Maybe she doesn’t think they are as close as the other girl thinks.

I had a good friend tell me not to ask her - ever - to be a bridesmaid...obviously this was done in a nicer way and it was long before I got engaged.

Her reasoning - she doesn't personally believe in marriage and doesn't feel as though she would be the best person to stand up next to me (or any of her friends) as a bridesmaid due to her beliefs.

I wasn't offended at all - I respect her beliefs and I wouldn't want to pressure her to be a BM if she didnt want to be.

It sounds like your friend may have declined the other wedding because she really didn't enjoy the process of helping plan a wedding. Don't take it personally and if you want to ask her then do so but don't be hurt if she declines with her personal reasons.

I didn't have anyone decline but FH had a good friend decline being a groomsmen. He said being dressed up and in front of people isn't his thing. We kinda knew that prior to asking, so we understood!

Never had anyone decline

But I have.

She was a friend from college I love her but I couldn't be part of her wedding to "that man" when she asked me she knew that was a possibility.

I don't regret it I couldn't have stood up with her.

I had someone tell me no. It hurt a lot. She didn't feel it would be her place. I don't have too many female friends, and finding people I wanted in that role were tough. I don't understand why anyone would turn it down because of it being a lot of responsibility....honestly who has their bridesmaids doing that much? If anything, you bounce ideas off them and they help with that, maybe pick something up that was ordered, help oversee things the day of. It's not like they are actually planning your wedding for you. Mine are just there to stand with me and look pretty.

As others have said, i dont think there is anything wrong with saying no. I would rather someone say no, then a forced/regretful yes

I asked one of my best friends (who actually set FH and I up) to be a bridesmaid and she declined. We went back and forth a lot brainstorming ways to make it work, but ultimately it is for the best that she said no. She's finishing up her 3rd year of grad school so has all sorts of crazy tests and whatnot, and she's also 10 hours away so the last thing she needed was to worry about extra expenses or insane weekend trips home. We decided it's better to let her be involved at her convenience. She asks all the time how planning is going, and we're thinking of giving her a reading or something similar to do the day of. It was a tough decision to make, but one that works well for both of us.

My fiance had one decline. She said it was due to money, which was completely understandable. I believe my fiance was a bit disappointed though due to it being one of her close friends. It's not for everybody though.

I just had my first decline tonight. She dragged it out for 4 days and I'm so sad now.

I think the only person I would consider being a bridesmaid for is my sister. I have no interest in anyone else's bridal showers, Etc. I'm just not into that kind of stuff and wasn't at all disappointed when my BM weren't interested in mine. Some people just don't love weddings and I'm one of them.

I said no once.

The wedding was to be during the fall of my final year in grad school. I lived in Louisiana and the wedding was in Michigan. The bride told me I would have to come twice (once for the engagement party and once for the wedding). I could not afford that.

Maybe she decided after being a BM the first time it's not something that she enjoys doing, or maybe she felt it was a bad experience. I've never had a BM decline nor have I ever declined, but I would much rather the person say no then have them be unhappy and complaining or not helping at all. I personally would not find it selfish. Not to sound harsh, but she has every right to decline just as you would too.

ETA: I would still ask her. Tell her that all you would want her to do was to stand up there with you and that you have no other expectations.

Just a thought... Maybe your friend realizes that the person who asked her to be a BM would be a real bridezilla and doesn't want to deal with the drama so she declined. If you really want her to be your BM, you should just ask and remember that at the end of the day, her decision has your best interests at heart

It's not like something I am super excited to do, but for one of my best friends I would never turn it down. My girls have been amazing to me and I can't wait to return the favor.

It seems like, and I could be wrong here, but it seems that the real issue is that you put in the time and effort to be in her wedding and she's not returning the favor? Well, that's just it, a favor. I've stepped out of a wedding party because it was too much for me to deal with personally. And I did it as graciously as I could manage and while the friendship isn't mauled, it is different... If she's your good friend and you want her, then ask. If you think she's just being petty and rude...why would you ask her?

I declined my brother's fiancee request to be her bridemaid and I feel awful because she was very dissapointed. I love her to death and I couldn't be happier to have her as my sister in law but thats just not my thing. Plus my 2 little girls will be her flower girls and I'm already spending a lot on her dresses and have to focus on them during the wedding. I really hope she gets over it because everyone has been making me feel bad about it.