Anyone else dealing with a close relative with a mental illness?

My sister has a mental illness -she fights w/bi-polar disorder. It sounds like you might benefit from a support group. The fact that you are on the site asking for advise from others here suggest that you are open to it and would benefit from it! So I would strongly recommend it. It helps! But in terms of how to deal with it, allow your mom to do what she's ABLE to do. If she doesn't have the capacity to stay & interact, allow her the space to stay as long as she can and leave when she needs to go. These kinds of activities can be VERY overwhelming to parents who are perfectly healthy. For those who have illnesses it's even more taxing. Handle it as if your mother had a heart condition & needed to leave to remain healthy. Tell people that she could only stay as long as she did due to her health. You do not have to give details. But be sure to tell people that since you realize how much of a challenge it was for her, you're so glad she was able to join you for even a part of your day!

He's using schizophrenic excuses - for example he feels being a certain party (he doesn't want to go to) is "overwhelming. But is in college and goes to parties (with new people) all the time. I THINK he's using excuses my mother would use in order to get out of things because if she can use them, she can't force him to go then. He definitely has some sort of issues, but I'm not sure it's schizophrenia. But my parents won't listen to me about him needing to see someone and he's 20, so unless he's actually a physical danger to himself or someone else, I can't force him to go.

And that's a good idea about what to say if people ask... but even people who know are just sometimes forgetful. And it will make me sad, despite the fact that I'm prepared for it to possibly happen.

My sister that was causing a lot of drama for my wedding is bipolar as well, but she refuses help or to be medicated so I had to uninvite her from wedding. But I would think it would be much worse coming from your mother. If she needs to leave a little early, then I wouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed about it. And the fact the she knows when to leave is really great. My sister doesn't know, and has been known to cause large embarrassing scenes.

I think Brian has it right, have her do what she can handle, and all you can do is love her and be glad that she could attend as much as she could handle.

I do pretty well dealing with things on a day to day basis. I did see 2 therapists and the first helped a great deal. I've found in general that if I can just be open and talk about it, that helps a lot. (For a long time, I was told I couldn't talk about it.)

It's the holidays and special occasions (hence the wedding issues) that are still difficult.

I know there are support groups for parents out there, but are there ones for kids? I've never heard of any.

Good advice you've gotten so far..You might look into the National Alliance for Mental Illness..I know a lot of cities have open meetings, kinda like AA..they have a website if you just google you should see it..I believe meetings are open to family members..actually there might be a group just for family members called Family to Family..It's worth looking into..

Also do you know what might help her feel better in a setting like a wedding, like if there are certain coping skills she uses to feel better? It also may help talking to her about her concerns for that day if she is open to it.

Check out www.nami.org for support groups for family members. Under the support & programs section there is a education, traning and peer support programs link that has a lot of different places for family members and care givers to get support. Your local outpatient mental health center (or person who is treating your mom) may have other resources that you could take advantage of.

Excellent advice from everyone. Just wanted to add I know how discouraging it can be sometimes when we wish our parents could simply just be parents!

My Grandfather has dementia. We're not really sure how advanced it will be next Spring when we get married - but he's got his good days & bad days and there is a very strong possibility he may not be able to attend our big day. I'm heartbroken just thinking of that possibility...

I'm sorry Kimi. *hugs* That must be really tough. I'll be hoping and praying for you that he'll be able to make it!

A close relative is at least bi-polar & refuses to be diagnosed or to get treatment, as though such a "label" would include blame for our family's (not small) problems. Instead, it has been untreated for decades, and is only getting worse, while those around her carry some pretty heavy emotional scars.

The best thing I ever did for myself was to talk to an expert about the symptoms and understand the illness. It didn't make any of it go away, but it helped me see it for what is, & relieved me of the blame and bad self-esteem I'd been saddled with emotionally.

Your mom's ability to function and participate is limited, not by her fault or yours. Take what good times you can get, and when things go downhill, remember it is a disease, and disease has no intention.

Sorry you're dealing with this!!