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Anxiety as a Bridesmaid

Jane, on September 25, 2022 at 9:27 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7
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My friend is getting married and although I have been friends with her for over 15 years, we have barely spoken or seen eachother in almost 2. She asked me to be a bridesmaid when she got engaged in 2020 and asked me before she was (because she had a hunch). In that time we’ve had a falling out, and and to be fair hasn’t been there for me while my brother suffered mental health and substance abuse issues and now my dad has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Dealing with all of this I have had so much anxiety including social anxiety and don’t even feel comfortable with myself anymore. I have lost so much sleep over this, in fear of jeopardizing a friendship that honestly I haven’t felt like I’ve been apart of in so long. She’s made me feel bad for the things that I’ve been through, opposed to be supportive as a friend and that makes me feel even more uncomfortable. I feel like it’s not fair to myself or to her at this point, it’s just I wish I did not realize as late as it is. And truly I do not know what to do.

7 Comments

Latest activity by Paige, on September 27, 2022 at 11:35 AM
  • J
    Jane ·
    • Flag
    I should almost mention that the wedding is in a month. Timing was never on my side but, honesty always has been. I was hoping things would change. But this year has been hard on me to the point where I’ve felt trapped and alone. And seeing her for the first time in that long after our falling out would be the day of her wedding and it just does not feel tight
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    It's OK to step out if this is truly affecting your health. It sounds like you need help for some of your background issues, and I'm sorry things have been tough for you. Have you thought about seeking some therapy for the feelings of loneliness and isolation?

    I would say something like for health reasons you're unable to participate in the wedding. You don't need to explain your personal issues or provide a reason that seems "valid" to others. If it's valid to you, then that's all you need.

    I hope things go better for you.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Friendship is a two way street and if she’s not being a friend, then don’t stick around hoping things will get better because they don’t. If she refuses to make an effort now and you are more distressed by her, step down immediately and let her her figure everything out herself. You don’t need that extra stress from someone who doesn’t care about you.


    Hoping that things with you and your family improve.
    • Reply
  • Laura
    Rockstar September 2022
    Laura ·
    • Flag
    First of all, kudos to you for even asking the question with all you have on your plate. In the case of the friend and the wedding, I would say let her know that due to the health and dealing with all the circumstances that you are dealing with that you feel it isn't fair to her
    • Reply
  • Laura
    Rockstar September 2022
    Laura ·
    • Flag
    Sorry I keep hitting reply, it isn't fair to either of you the situation you find yourselves in. Unless the wedding is next week I think it is only fair to her and you to let her know due to circumstances with your father's health issues you need to step down as bridesmaid. It sounds like she hasn't been too supportive when it comes to you regarding all that you were and are dealing with. Too be honest your mental health and state of mind needs to be cared for first. Let her know you'd love to be there to see her walk, but are unable to continue in role of bridesmaid. Now just be aware that some brides take this very personally and she may decide to uninvite you to the wedding, some people are quite petty in this way. I hope it isn't in this case, but just be prepared. As long as you always go the route of it not being fair to her it should be ok. Good luck please let us know how it goes.
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  • P
    Dedicated April 2023
    Peyton ·
    • Flag

    I would see if she would be willing to talk. A friend of 15 years is not something you gain easily. I would be open and honest and acknowledge any and all hurts with her. If you can reach a reconciliation, then I think you should fulfill your commitment. If you can’t, I would tell her, no. This is going to be tough, but unresolved conflict can be mentally worse than any conversation. Be strong and courageous!

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  • Paige
    Rockstar October 2022
    Paige ·
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    I think this is the way to go. Maybe she just didn't realize how much you were struggling? We all fall victim to getting wrapped up in our own little worlds some times. It doesn't mean we don't care about others, it just means we have a lot on our plates. Having an open and honest conversation will either lead to your friend realizing the issue and trying to be supportive, or she'll show you why opting out would be a good move. Bowing out of a wedding a month prior can be a relationship-ending move, and potentially ending a 15-year friendship isn't something I'd undertake lightly.

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