An absent father returns to want to help with the wedding? WHAT?!

Hmm... this is a hard situation. do you harbor bad feelings towards your father, i know you said you haven't seen him in a long time, but this might be a good time to let him back into your life, if thats what you want. have you spoken to him about why all of a sudden he is coming back around?

I say yes because he is your father and is trying to make an effort.. just don't get to excited due to broken promises in the past. Whatever you planned on spending for your dress keep it put back just in case he doesn't come through for you,, but hopefully he will. My dad passed away unexpectly 3 yrs ago and even though he wasnt in my life like I wanted him to be I would give anything to have him walk me down the aisle.

I have NO idea why all of the sudden he wants back in. I DID however tell him (B/c I never have before) when he started coming around...exactly how I felt about what he had done. And I didn't have a filter. I don't think he realized how much damage he had really done to our relationship. I told him that I had gotten my hopes up SOOO many times in the last 15 years, JUST for him to 'smash' them again. I am his only daughter with children...he doesn't even KNOW them! I explained to him that this was his last chance to step up as my father. I've done fine for the last 15 years without one, I can live another 50 without one if I have to. I don't think he realized until that moment how hurt I have been all of these years...Now he calls once (maybe twice) a week....especially when my little one was admitted into the hospital. He called on Christmas AND Brandon's birthday, etc...he texts me every day......Its hard for me to decide how to take this...I worry that after the wedding (cont)

(cont) and the excitement he will just disappear again. I was always a daddy's girl.....I've really missed him

Just based on what you said about empty promises, I wouldn't rely on his promise to pay for the dress. At best, he's trying to make amends. At worst, it's more of the same. It's hard to say that you shouldn't accept the offer, but you have to be prepared, financially and emotionally, for him to flake. Hugs!

@Samantha: I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. I can't imagine the hurt. I lost my Papa 3 years ago (almost 4 now). He was my father figure....and the thought of him not being there to share this moment with me KILLS me inside. My father will not walk me down the aisle though...(I was already given away), but my boys will hold my hand down the aisle....and he knows this. I am still saving my $$ to the side in case he decides to bolt again..

Oh, Ana, I know! FH has been pushing me to try just ONE more time (he has daddy issues too!). So, again, I don't have my hopes up...well I say that, but I know I will still be crushed....Unfortunately, I become more numb to it every time he does it. Also makes me realize why I have had such awful, abusive relationships until now.....

I would allow him to pay for the wedding dress if that is what he wants to do. However, if he has broken promises before you may want to be careful and make sure the dress you choose is in your budget. Sometimes fathers that aren't a part of their childrens lives finally grow up and want to help so he may be offering to help as an apology for being an absent parent.

Thank you Brian. This has weighed heavy on my heart...I could wait to get here on WW to get everyone's opinion! Love all of you dearly!

Bump

I think I'd thank him for the offer, but explain to him that instead of financial support, what you need more is emotional support from him. Explain your fears of him leaving again, and tell him that you both need to work on the relationship slowly and that it will take time. I'm not sure I'd accept monetary support right now....but would rather see him for coffee etc. for now. Keep a slight distance/wall to protect yourself, until he earns the trust back. Also keep in mind that your children will be affected too if they get attached and he leaves again. Don't let him do to them what he did to you. Good luck!

Mrs. Cooper my dad is a dead beat as well. I don't need him but I do wish he would try to make amends like your dad. Maybe he has just come to his senses. I would take him up on his offer let him come around and slowly warm back up to him. But dont leave yourself open for disappointment. I would still set the money for the dress aside. If he does come threw use it for something else.

Well, that's why in the last 15 years I have not made my boys accessible to him when he 'says' he's coming into town. He lives in OK and I live in Houston, TX, so we aren't close by. He recently friended me on Facebook, and now that he is able to see pics of the boys I think maybe he is now realizing everything he's given up? My boys are #1 in my life...their father did to them what my father did to me...I refuse to let my 'father' do it to them too! He has a LOT to prove!

I feel you should let him get closer but you should not take anything from him (who knows how reliable he might be and if he will actually stay this time).

I think Brian's advice is spot on. You were boldly honest. Perhaps he had time to think and wants to make ammends.

*shudder* I just about went through the whole scenario you described except I haven't been married before. My dad found out I was getting married and all of a sudden he wanted to be super dad and pay for things and offered to help do stuff, just out of the blue I hadn't seen my dad since I was probably 13 or so. Unfortunately when I told him my Step dad was walking me down the aisle he bailed and said he didn't want to do anything so we're no longer speaking, to make a long story short. I would suggest you be honest with him like Brian was saying. Let him know you're not sure about letting him in because he hasn't been there for you. If he truly wants to rebuild a relationship, he's going to have to earn it. If you're not up for that, which is completely understandable, just say thanks, but no thanks. Good luck.

I would say yes because he's making an attempt to be apart of your life. Maybe he realized that he messed up, and this is his way of "fixing" it. I understand that he hurt you, but you can't carry it around forever. It only hinders your growth. Maybe this time you guys can actually have the relationship that you have always wanted. Maybe you should actually talk to your dad about your feelings. It may open his eyes to some things. I wish you the best. ; )

I would talk to him about the pain he has caused. You want to be able to forgive him and move on, but it's not just that easy.

Tell him you appreciate him being willing to contribute to the wedding, but you think the money would be better spent on family counseling for the two of you. Then, maybe you can both move towards repairing that bond- but it will take a long time.

I wouldn't let him pay because it would put you in the position to "owe" him something in return. If he wants to rebuild the relationship, he needs to do it one brick at a time, not with grand gestures.

Just to be cautious. Thank him for the offer and that you appreciate it, but it isn't neccissary. From there, if I was in that postion. I would tell him that you want to rebuild this relationship slowly. If I had no father for x amount of years, and then all of a sudden he is involved buying things, etc. I'd be very uncomfortable. and EXTREMELY cautious. You already said you and yor FS have kids together. I would even be hesitant about letting them see him. It would be heart breaking for thse kids to 'have a grandpa' then all of a sudden, Grandpa is no longer around, as that's what he does.