Am I to be considered rude for not inviting someone to my wedding?

Wow. No you're not wrong, they are. Weddings are not tit for tat. So not the point of a wedding. You are not obligated to invite every person to your wedding who has ever invited you to a function. If you have space on your guest list you might consider just b/c she's family of sorts, but if you're maxed or if you are having a small/intimate wedding, just tell them no. They're being rude and presumptuous.

I highly doubt that my new BIL is going to invite my mother to his upcoming wedding next year, and she has spent a decent amount of time with him and even sends him cookies sometimes. She'll probably send them a small gift or card anyway b/c that's just how she is but she would never presume to get an invitation as they are having a much smaller wedding than we did.

(To help you not feel alone) I completely agree w/Krisa.

& poo on your brother for making you feel guilty for not wanting to spend money on someone you don't know. He's being rude for even getting involved. Its not his wedding.

It's not rude on your part at all. You do not have to invite your brother's FMIL. A wedding and a birthday party are completely different. You don't have to invite anyone you don't want to & your brother needs to get over it.

You're not wrong at all. Your brother is wrong for repeating this rediculousness to you, even if it's his fiancee's doing (which it most likely is seeing as he didn't say anything when you INITIALLY told him and called you after the fact). Here's one way to look at it: if you were to go out to dinner this weekend, would your brother's fiancee's mother be a person who you would call up and invite out with you? Would you be perfectly fine with picking up her $50-100 tab at the end of the night?

No you are perfectly right. Not everyone has an unlimited budget and even if I did I wouldn't want people I don't know at my wedding

did you bring a gift to her birthday party? If so I would say to your brother I already gave her a gift at her birthday, an invite to my wedding was not her gift

No, your wedding day is not a day to entertain aquaintances, or extended family of family, (it makes my head spin when I think of this!) Its not a day to invite every person you've worked with over the last ten years, the people you see at the gym every week or the friendly clerk at the country market,ect,ect. We have very large families and because of space we could only invite a limited amount of people. Each of us could only invite our very closest friends because of this, I had 4 friends, my husband had 4 friends and then our neighbor that we are close to. Do you know there are people who dont talk to me now for no other reason than they werent invited? (these are people that I told from the get go that I'd only be inviting family) I've chosen to move on without any hesitation, thier pettiness will not become my worry. I say, move on and dont give them a second thought. I hope you have a wedding where every person you look out to see is a valued relationship to YOU & FH

I totally love this if you don't invite so and so im not coming thing, its completely ridiculous. if he wasnt your brother id say tell him to stuff it where the sun dont shine...but if he's only asking for one person say "fine" but thats it.

Agreed! you are not wrong at all!! Unless you are close with her, there really isn't a reason to invite her... Tell your brother that you'll invite her to your next birthday party, and then you'll be even

You aren't rude. If you barely know her, it's not needed. I'm not inviting my brother's friends, despite the fact that I have known them since high school, and at one time they were like extra brothers. We just aren't that close anymore. If your brother is not going to be there then that is his problem.

You are not rude at all! If you invited everyone to your wedding that ever invited you to a birthday party, graduation party, engagement party, wedding, baby shower, bridal shower, or any other major life event, your guest list would be astronomical!

In that same respect if you didn't go to an event where a friend or family member wasn't invited to attend, you might hardly attend a celebration in someone's life.

I would gently explain to your brother (maybe after some calming down time) that although you would like to invite everyone, it just isn't possible. And that you would really love to have him and those invited to attend, as you consider them your nearest and dearest. After that, the choice is up to him.

Definately you are not rude and your brother has to understand you have a budget and a guest list if he doesn't you can say are you gona pay for her spot if you are that is the only way am inviting someone I seen once or twice maybe but is not fair to put up with all this drama aside of planning a wedding. Ridiculous!!!

WOW. I agree with the above comments. You are NOT rude.... I went to a wedding of an ex-coworker that we no longer really talk to (though they are friends on fb) a year or two ago but I am not inviting them to our wedding because we are on a limited budget and I would rather cut people like that than friends or family that I really want to be there.

It is your wedding and if they don't come because of that, that would be CRAZY.

And a wedding is WAY MORE expensive than a birthday party. Tell them if they really need her to be there for some crazy reason, than they need to shell out the $50-100 for her plate.

Nope, not rude.... but if it makes you feel better I am having the same arguement with my FIL's about inviting their DIL's family to our wedding.

Nope. Not wrong at all, especially if you aren't close with her. Birthday invitation =/= wedding invitation.

For our wedding, my DH's brother's wife's parents were invited. However they are close friends of DH's parents and the family for many many years now. My brother's fiancé's parents were not invited as they are not close with our family. Also, while my in-laws have met my brother and his fiance on multiple occasions, in no way would they expect an invitation to my brother's wedding.

Man that paragraph was confusing to type.

Not rude at all, and I agree with EdieKristen. If they want her to come that badly they can pay for her.

FH and I are paying for our own wedding. My mom wanted to invited a few extra people, and I told her to get her check book out (in a loving/ joking way but she got the point) of course if FMIL wanted to invite more people I could say the same to her. She has been amazing though an everytime I ask her she just says "whatever you want." so lucky to have her in my life!!!

Thank you all for your thoughts. I am going to stand my ground and only invite my nearest and dearest friends.

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