V
Champion July 2019

Am i Selfish

Veronica, on December 9, 2020 at 7:25 PM

Posted in Married Life 82

My husband and I are currently expecting our first child. We are having our gender reveal on Saturday which both of our families have known about since September. Today, my mother-in-law called asking if her best friend could attend because her plans have changed and she is no longer staying...

My husband and I are currently expecting our first child. We are having our gender reveal on Saturday which both of our families have known about since September. Today, my mother-in-law called asking if her best friend could attend because her plans have changed and she is no longer staying overnight and she doesn't want to travel on her own (my parents live about 2.5 hours from where she lives). My husband's mom is the only one from his family able to attend. His dad and step-mom don't really like parties and don't agree with us finding out gender, his sister has a newborn so with Covid she isn't comfortable attending, and his two brothers live 8+ hours away. My husband is feels I'm being selfish because I don't really want his mom's best friend (who I've only met a handful of times) at our gender reveal while my parents, siblings & their spouses, and my grandmother and grandfather (who are like second parents to me since my mom had me very young) will be in attendance. I just waited it to be close family which my mother-in-law's best friend is not, but I also don't like fighting with my husband over this. So do you guys agree that I'm being selfish for not wanting the best friend at our gender reveal?

82 Comments

  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    I completely agree with all of this!

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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I 100% agree with you on this. With covid on the rise again, i find it to be a little selfish on your husband part to allow his mother to bring some person not even close with you guys.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    The one dog has separation anxiety and would destroy the bedroom if she was left alone so unfortunately putting her away wouldn't be an option. My parents' church is available so we are going to have the party there in the basement.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    His mom has had Christmas with just our family before so I don't think she is uncomfortable with my family. We are going to announce it after, but I still feel like it is a personal moment that I don't want share with a woman I barely know. It honestly shouldn't though surprise me she wants to bring this woman because she didn't seem thrilled when we said it was immediate family only. She has tons three sisters plus a ton of friends that she considers sisters and I think she thought we'd include all of them. I think I would have felt a bit better if the person she was bringing I knew really well. The two other possible people she mentioned my husband and I are both closer to than her best friend, but I guess they weren't available.

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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Chance of rain & cold weather, dog issues, guest issue, change of venues, huge Covid pandemic... why not do the gender reveal via Zoom????
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Neither my parents or mother-in-law have good internet reception at their houses. My parents live a far so out the Internet is spotty and my mother-in-law's house the Internet only works half the time.
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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    So you're just waiting to hear back from the church now?
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    We heard back earlier and we can use one of the rooms in the basement. However, now my husband is complaining about the change in location. He feels it is unnecessary.
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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I kind've agree with your husband since the only reason that you had to change the location was because of the dogs. But at this point it's really about compromise. So will you do the reveal in the parking lot?
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Yes, we will do it in the parking lot. Another good thing about the church is it has more space. At my parents, there wouldn't have been room for everyone at the kitchen table and the island so some people would have to eat in the living room. The church has plenty of space. Also, my parents don't have good Internet as they live far out in the country so with the venue change if his mom wants to Zoom in his siblings it's won't be an issue because the church has good Internet.
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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Well it seems like a win win for the church venue! Tell your fiancé to get on board lol.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I thought the church was honestly the best option. I'm hoping he will just deal with it.

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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Good luck with everything
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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    Ok, first, I love dogs, and have some of my own. I get the stranger thing, one of my dogs was like that.

    But here's the deal: people are important too. And a gender reveal party isn't an all day thing. So, couldn't the dogs be somewhere else for a couple of hours? Examples: in your parents' room, in the garage, in the backyard, in a spare bedroom/office? Get a pet sitter for the afternoon? Ask a trusted friend or neighbor "dog-sit".

    I mean, if it was me, I would do that, rather than scramble around for another location (of which there really aren't any suitable options). I love dogs. I love mine and other people's. But this is not as big of a deal as you are making it. Do you have dog crates for them? Anything that could keep them separate from the party will work. Then everyone wins. You get your private party at the location you want and that works, MIL gets to bring her friend, therefore not having to miss the event, DH has his mom there, the only one from his family, and on and on and on. There are so many reasons to do this, rather than fighting it or changing everything around three days before.

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  • Alejandra
    Super March 2019
    Alejandra ·
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    I have a dog that doesn't like strangers but that would never be the deciding point for something like this. Why can't the dogs can't be tied up or put away for a while when you do the gender reveal and then let out loose when you're done. The reveal doesn't have to be a 6 hour party. If MIL is still willing to do the drive just not alone to see the gender then it sucks that no one is willing to compromise so she can actually be there. What if it was the other way around and it was at your in laws house but they had a dog they didn't want to bother so your mom/parents could not go? I think its a silly reason to dis-invite someone or not have them go. Maybe have a private reveal for your MIL? Or give her something she can open while you guys do the real one? Do you and your MIL get along?

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  • FELICHA
    Savvy July 2021
    FELICHA ·
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    If not letting her friend determines wether or not she’s coming because of the drive I would let them come. As far as changing the place on which you have it because of dogs seems unnecessary. Why can they be put up once they arrive? Also vets can prescribe anxiety meds for this sole purpose, just like Fourth of July.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    We had the reveal on Saturday at my parents' church rather than their house. My mother-in-law and her best friend were in attendance. The church worked out better than my parents' house would have because the church had more space and we didn't have to worry about the dogs. We ate, had the reveal and played games. We tried to include the best friend as much as possible in everything, but she barely spoke to anyone. My husband said it's because she hasn't been in a lot of social environments where she doesn't know anyone. The one dog could've been put away, but the other one has anxiety so she wouldn't have dealt well with being put in a separate room or locked in a cage. She would have destroyed the room she was in trying to get out or she would've sat in her cage and cried, wined, and barked until she was let out. She was previously on anxiety medication, but it didn't have good side effects. My parents live out so Fourth of July and other things like it aren't an issue because no ones really around.

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  • FELICHA
    Savvy July 2021
    FELICHA ·
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    I am glad that the church worked out and I am sure that having someone not very known be quiet in the back ground wasn’t that bad. I hope that you had an amazing time! And congratulations.

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  • Katie
    Dedicated May 2023
    Katie ·
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    Glad there was a good result and that everyone was able to attend. I'm sure your husband was really happy that his child's grandmother was able to attend, and it sounds like the friend at least wasn't disruptive. Not sure exactly what her deal is, but honestly I can be the same way especially if I'm not introduced by someone to everyone in the room. Also, with the pandemic many people haven't been meeting other people as much and their "socializiation muscles" may be weak! I am one of those that loves dogs (have a rescue pitbull myself who used to cry in her crate) and had to believe there was another solution to the dog issue that didn't involve uninviting MIL's friend, but glad there was an alternative.

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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    I don't think you are being selfish, but I also think you need to consider letting this one go. You are going to have a whole support system there for you and your husband is only going to have his mom. If he feels that its appropriate for her friend to come, or her friend coming makes traveling for his mom safer, then that's the way the cookie crumbles. Now if your MIL's friend is increasing risk to others by attending (say this is a friend that isn't taking Covid precautions and isn't regularly around his mom to begin with) or is taking up space and making it necessary for you to uninvite a guest you are both close to, then that is another story. But in this case, if his mom is his ONLY family member attending, I think her having a plus one that your husband is okay with is something you should just let slide as best you can.


    We had to cancel our wedding and have a Covid-elopement, with fewer than 10 guests because of Covid restrictions. One of those spots went to my mom's friend, a woman my husband had never met before and who was not even invited to our wedding. Why? Because my mom lives 4 hours away from us and couldn't drive herself, and my best friend, who was supposed to drive her, decided she didn't want to. So instead of having this intimate ceremony with people who meant a lot to us and then having a romantic first night as newlyweds, we had to host my mom and her friend at our house the entire weekend, and had to not include friends of ours at our own super tiny wedding ceremony so my mom's chauffeur could be there without us violating any guidelines. The alternative was for me to take off work and do an 8 hour round trip the day before our ceremony to pick up my mom, and then the same thing the day after to bring her back home. It would have been nice if my mom hadn't just invited her friend to the ceremony, or I could have put my foot down and said we didn't have space for her at the wedding itself, but the day was already so fraught and stressful and I felt like I would have gotten backed into a corner. Was it what I wanted? No. Does it still make me upset? Absolutely. Does it really matter, in the whole scheme of things? Not really. Anyway, my point is there are far worse things than having your MIL's friend at your gender reveal.

    Also, as for the dogs it sounds like you're having the gender reveal at your parents house and that their dogs are not properly socialized to have guests in the house, which just seems like a bad set-up it itself. It's not uncommon for dogs to be protective of where they live, or excited or nervous about people in the house and particularly people they haven't met, but if those are the temperaments of the dogs you have then you don't host parties at your house, or you crate the dogs while people are over or keep them in a separate room.

    Edit: Oh I see that this was resolved but WW doesn't let you delete posts. Glad it worked out!

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