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Champion July 2019

Am i Selfish

Veronica, on December 9, 2020 at 7:25 PM Posted in Married Life 1 82
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My husband and I are currently expecting our first child. We are having our gender reveal on Saturday which both of our families have known about since September. Today, my mother-in-law called asking if her best friend could attend because her plans have changed and she is no longer staying overnight and she doesn't want to travel on her own (my parents live about 2.5 hours from where she lives). My husband's mom is the only one from his family able to attend. His dad and step-mom don't really like parties and don't agree with us finding out gender, his sister has a newborn so with Covid she isn't comfortable attending, and his two brothers live 8+ hours away. My husband is feels I'm being selfish because I don't really want his mom's best friend (who I've only met a handful of times) at our gender reveal while my parents, siblings & their spouses, and my grandmother and grandfather (who are like second parents to me since my mom had me very young) will be in attendance. I just waited it to be close family which my mother-in-law's best friend is not, but I also don't like fighting with my husband over this. So do you guys agree that I'm being selfish for not wanting the best friend at our gender reveal?

82 Comments

Latest activity by Jasmine, on December 31, 2020 at 1:02 AM
  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I get your point of view. However, since this is his only relative who is attending (and it seems like this may determine if she comes or not), I would honor the request.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I forgot to add that he is also mad at my parents because we now have to change location of the reveal. My parents have two dogs. One of which is very hyper (pretty sure she has ADHD) and the other is very protective and doesn't like strangers. Both dogs have met my mother-in-law, but not her friend so now three days before the party we are scrambling to figure out where to have it which is another reason I don't really want her best friend attending.

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  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    So you have to change the location because of the best friend?
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Yes, because neither of my parents are comfortable with the dogs around people they have never met. My mother-in-law was at my parents' house last Christmas and it took them a very long time to get used to her. My parents don't want to risk upsetting either dog with me and my sister both being pregnant.

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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    I honestly think it’s not a big deal. A gender reveal isn’t a big deal, pregnancy yes. But the reveal of gender, no. Go to a local park so the dogs don’t get upset and let the friend be there and call it a day.
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  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    Yeah, I think that changes things a bit. I feel like just adding a guest isn't a big deal. However, needing to find a whole new venue a few days before the event is a little extra.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    We planned on serving a meal. There is also a chance of rain and it is supposed to be cold.

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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    I would let her come, especially since his mother is the only family that is coming from his side. & I get that she doesn't want to travel by herself. What would it hurt her bestfriend being there with her?
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I wish she would've mentioned wanting to bring someone sooner since she has known about the party for almost three months. It would be easier if this wasn't sprung on us three days in advance. My grandmother offered to host it at her house, but she has a very small house and limited parking.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Aside from me wanting it to be private, we would have to move the location of the party. My parents have two dogs that they aren't comfortable having strangers around. The one dog is very high energy and is hard to control around people she doesn't know. The other dog is very protective and doesn't like strangers. They have both been around my mother-in-law in the past, but never her friend.

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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    That doesn’t change my opinion 🤷‍♀️
    But that’s just me. I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal. Life happens plans change, you roll with it.
    Announce if it’s a boy or a girl and go on with your day. Take who ever wants to go out to eat, order pizzas, have people at your place instead. There are plenty of options that don’t include being rude to your MIL or her friend. My aunt brought her long time friend to my bridal shower. It seriously wasn’t a big deal. It didn’t effect me or make my day or feel less special because someone I had o my met a couple of times was there. And my aunt was happy because she got an extra 2 hrs with her friend that was visiting from out of state.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    It is a big deal to us because this is the only thing my husband has been able to participate in due to Covid. Our place isn't an option. We live in a completely different state. How we are revealing the gender can't be done at a restaurant. My husband is a hockey fan so we bought a hockey puck that he will hit and it is filled with blue or pink dust that will come out depending on which gender it is so we have to have some place to do this at.

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  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
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    I would allow her to come. If you're afraid of COVID then ask she remain several feet from you and she washes her hands often.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Covid isn't the problem. Part of the problem is my parents two dogs. They have met my mother-in-law, but never her friend. One is very excitable around strangers and can be hard to control/calm down and the other is very protective and doesn't like strangers. With my sister and I both pregnant, my parents don't want to risk having strangers around the dogs so we'd have to change locations.

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  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
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    So basically your choice is have your “dream” gender reveal or exclude your MIL since you’re unwilling to change your plans. Some times you have to make decisions that do against what you want.
    I know my husband would act as if it wasn’t a huge deal if his mom wasn’t there. But, he would be super mad and probably for a while for making one of those decisions. Not sure if your husband is like mine or not.
    You ask for opinions and it doesn’t sound like you want them. You want people to agree with you so you don’t have to change. But that’s just me, some one who personally thinks a phone call that goes “hey it’s a girl!” Is more than sufficient. Good luck
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I have no problem changing plans. I'm just trying to figure out a suitable solution. We have talked about having it at my grandparents' house, but we are trying to figure out the parking and eating situation. She has a very small kitchen/dining room so sitting would be limited. She also has limited parking and parking on the stress isn't allowed. While it might be sufficient for you to just make a phone call, we wanted to do something special. We haven't seen any of our family in months due to Covid so we wanted something small to include them. We also wanted do something my husband could actually participate in. He hasn't felt a part of my pregnancy at all because of the Covid rules my doctor's office has.

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    Is there a community center hall in your area that you could use for a few hours? Or maybe all meet at a restaurant (maybe try to find one that has a party room or something similar)?
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    We are trying to see if my parents' church is available, but being that it is three days before the party it might not be available for us to use. They are a large parking lot that we could do the reveal which is my husband hitting a hockey puck that will produce either pink or blue dust. Unfortunately, a restaurant wouldn't have the space for us to do that without the risk of hitting strangers' cars.

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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Is it need for the dogs to be at a gender reveal though? If his mother is the only family that will be at the gender reveal and she wants to bring a friend then I don't see why it would be a huge problem. Her bestfriend doesn't have to be right near the dogs, and can they not be put on a leash? If so just have someone who they trust just hold the leash.


    If your husband hasn't felt a part of your pregnancy because of Covid, which I completely understand, then he should at least be able to have his mother their to celebrate with.
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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    Ooh, good call on the restaurant not having space for the hockey puck. The church would be a good option if it's available! Fingers crossed that you can use it!
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