I'm the MOG and we are also paying for our son's wedding wasn't what we thought was going to happen. She has a dad, then mom and step-dad so when they first got enaged we thought all of the parents were going to split the cost of the wedding as the kids yes I said kids 21 and 19 don't have any extra money for a wedding but we want them to have a nice wedding that we can all cover. I knew going into this that neither of her parents could afford a lot and neither can my husband and I. Being a researcher at heart always looking for the most for the least cost. I started looking for venues for them to look at as they wanted an outdoor wedding but needed an indoor reception area. At first the bride had picked a local City park with a meeting room we could rent then then dress shopping happened was suppose to be just looking to get a idea of style and size she wanted the first dress you tried on which was $800 at first didn't look like it was going to happen but the mom went home and ordered it online mind you we were already limiting the total budget for the wedding to about $3000 being $1000 from each of us. Not including dress or grooms attire ( the dress is so much more then a local park wedding haha.) So we had to find another venue and we did still a park but a lot nicer setting with a couple of nice indoor reception areas. My husband and I paid for thinking it was part of what we were helping with. Then with in a week her mom says she can't help with the wedding cost now or not much but not to blame her buying the dress. Her dad tells her he will do what he can but won't be able to do the $1000. So talking with our son he really wants a wedding so we will do what we can . Mind you her mom gave her a list of people for their side of the family to invite about 50 guest ( just their side) our side including the wedding party , Brides immediate family and grandparents is 50 which is what we can swing with a bit of belt tightening. So we have had to say that for anyone over an above the 50 we have on the list of most important people that someone on their side of the family needs to pay $20 a person it's about $30 a person average but something have to be paid for no matter how many and other things cost go up cause of the extra people. Son completely understands but his bride to be thinks if they just go a head and invite everyone on the 2 list that we will just come up with the money not happening as we can't we are already doing about double what we had planned plus a couple of surprises I didn't put in the budget as surprise gifts. So I'm not going to blow up our budgets cause her mom couldn't say that's out of budget if i'm going to help with the wedding
So with all this said I wish the kids would give me more input I'm doing all the planning , buying, contacting, ordering and more. Every time I turn around there is something I didn't think of. I even tried asking her mom about different things cause I thought I was over stepping. The bride only seems to have opinions when it's something they haven't even thought of and I say something or have an idea then it's I like that or that is a good idea but lets do this or that. Haha. So I think what is happening is they think cause we are paying they don't need to do anything everything they have done is cause I have said you need to decide.
I do have a say on the cost of things to keep it with in budget like tablecloths was a lot cheaper to buy then rent, Artificial flowers that look real.
Am I completely off base to tell her family that they need to pay per person over and above what we can afford and expecting them as a couple to actually help with the planning of the wedding and to take care of some of the details
