Am i completely out of line and off base???

19 year old bride and groom here. We are paying for a lot of our wedding ourselves and our families are helping out a lot. My FH and I don't want to break the bank for things that aren't that important to us, like the reception decor. We just want a small unique ceremony and to be married. We are having a big reception afterwards to celebrate with everyone, but we are keeping the reception simple!

Well we are getting married may 26 and my fiancé’s mother n father has to pay for everything! My side doesn’t believe in spending money on a wedding they especially think it’s rediculous to have a destination wedding—they’re negative people that believe in quick money free weddings lol. So that being said do what you can with what money you have. If they can’t make extra money by selling stuff or making stuff and selling it or the “kids” think of creative ways to pay then do what you can or wait til they are old enough to pay for some of it also.

No your not out of line..they are taking advantage of you!!!! The parents shouldn’t be putting in any input if they the helping pay for the wedding...that is to much like wrong them making decisions and not paying...you might need to talk to your FDNL and let her know you budget is your budget or the will have to pay for the extra guest

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Why is it their responsibility to pay for your wedding?

Stop planning their wedding. If you haven't already paid out your maximum amount, give them the remaining money and tell them to plan away. Maybe they'll realize that they can't afford what they want and postpone the wedding a few years. That would be the best thing for everyone.

First off, I almost wish you were my mom lol, that's so nice that you're paying. I think the bridal parties parents need to pay though, they couldve gotten a cheaper dress I mean she's only going to be in it for a few hours and honestly because this is her wedding if the budget is gone over then she needs to pay like she would have to if she didn't have you guys to fall back on. I just hope this venue comes with food because if not then the bridal parents should at least pitch in for that or pay

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But whatever you do, don't do this. This is terrible advice. Backyards weddings will cost more in the long run because you will have to rent every tent, table, napkin, chair, knife and fork, and port-a-potty for the wedding. And nobody wants to pee in a port-a-potty at a wedding anyway. And don't get started on the self-catering, lurk around the forums for a day or two and there will be a blow up thread to answer your questions about that.

PS If I went to a backyard wedding and was eating self-catered burgers, which is all you could afford with this budget and the bride was wearing an expensive "dream dress" my eyes would roll back so hard. The moment you invite guests the day is no longer "ALL ABOUT THEM." Either host your guests properly or don't have any.

View Quoted Comment Wow...just wow.

Sorry to be blunt, but they’re not ready to get married and $3k is not enough for anything more than taking immediate family out to a nice dinner. Also, the bride’s parents aren’t obligated to contribute anything just because you are.

If they're old enough to get married, they're old enough to plan and pay for their own wedding. It's kind of you to contribute but you have no obligation to do so, nor do you have an obligation to plan it for them!

The bride's family also doesn't have an obligation to contribute anything. Just because they're young and don't have lots of money doesn't obligate anything; remember, they're choosing this. They have to live with the consequences of that choice.

I got married for the first time at 21 and my ex husband was 22. We still planned a wedding that WE could afford. My mother kindly gave us enough money to cover her guests as a gift; his family gave us nothing.

Adults pay their own way, plain and simple. If they can't do it themselves, then they should postpone. Or there's always a courthouse wedding if they so urgently must get married now, and taking a few guests out to dinner at a restaurant. Big traditional weddings cost money, and they aren't an entitlement.

Give them the $1,000 and let them figure it out. You shouldn’t be planning their wedding. If they can’t plan their own wedding, how are they going to handle life as a married couple?

I think you need to take a step back. It seems like you are doing way more than you should be doing.
My suggestion is this
1. Talk to your husband and decide what amount you are willing to contribute to this wedding. It sounds like yu have already signed some contracts in your name so you will ultimately end up responsible for those and anything you have alreasy purchased. Are you wilking to contribute more? If so, decide on the amount.
2. Write your son a check for the amount you are contributing and give them a copy of any contracts you have already signed and committed to as well as any items you have purchased.
3. If you have more info that you have researched, you can give that to your son and his fiance as well.
4. Tell them that this is their wedding and they will need to do the rest of the planning. You can be there for support and to answer questions or give opinions. Buy, it is there responsibility to plan this wedding. And to plan it within the budget that they have.
5. Stick to whay you told them. Let them plan and figure it out. Don't let them talk you into giving them more money.
I understand wanting to help them because they are young. But, they need to figure out how to do this for themselves. You doing it for them is not going to help them learn to be adults. They need to see that all of these things come with a cost. And that they need to work within their budget. Compromises will need to be made, guest list may need to be shortened, or the wedding date pushed back to allow them to save more to contribute themselves.

I agree with several of the PPs. You are being very generous but it seems like you are indeed being taken advantage of. If your "kids" want a wedding, they should be contributing. That is a big part of adulting...budgeting. If they are old enough to be married and have a life of their own, they can and should do most of the planning. From what I can decipher, your budget will not cover everything. Have you sat down the bride and groom and HELPED(, I say help, not do for them) construct a budget? Let them know you can only contribute $X and they can use it as they please. Stand firm with your decision. Let them plan their own wedding and come up with any extra money themselves. Afterall, it's their wedding, not yours. It sounds like some serious consideration needs to be given to the idea of is this the best time for these two to have a wedding or get married? A wedding doesn't make a marriage.

Don't try to ask the brides family for money. That could go terribly wrong, and it's kinda rude. Just as you don't have an obligation to contribute anything, neither do they.

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Oh for heavens sake. You never go to parties at peoples houses? When you go to peoples parties for houses they rent a porta pottie and stick it in the back yard? What world do you live in, where entertaining in a private home is unacceptable? An at home wedding is no different than a holiday meal. You most definitely DO NOT have to rent tables and dishes and linens, that's absurd. If you trust your loved ones to cook food that won't kill you on Thanksgiving, then you should trust them to be able to cook simple food for a wedding too. Trust me, in the 80's and earlier, this was done ALL THE TIME. I'm not talking about a "potluck" either. If two very young broke people are getting married, there's absolutely no reason to be a huge snob about the type of celebration they CAN afford. No one mentioned burgers either.

View Quoted Comment I agree with everything you said outside of the last line. Neither of my parents could scrape up $500, better yet $1000 even if an emergency came up. That may not be the norm, but it’s more common than you’d think. Not trying to be argumentative, just pointing out that there are many who don’t have that kind of excess lying around. My mom really wants to help, but she just can’t. My dad kinda wants to help but is in different. Neither of them can help, and of course that doesn’t bother me at all because I know they try hard. I feel bad that they can’t contribute the way they want to, so I do my best to make them feel included otherwise 😊

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There's a huge difference between having 15 relatives over for dinner, and 200 of them over for a wedding reception.

Also, my parents were married in the 80s and they had a catered dinner. Their siblings and friends did the same.

They really need to pay there way if they agreed too

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15 people over for Thanksgiving is a very small gathering. Most holidays and parties at my house are 35-50 people. 200 people for a wedding is HUGE. When I suggested a backyard or church basement wedding, I meant of course to have the number of guests that can fit in such a space. You are being contrary for contrariness sake. I'll proudly stand by my suggestion though. Anyone who's too stuck up to go to a regular party where they have decent food and drinks and company and seats because "it's a WEDDING" and they think all weddings should cost $5000+ and be held at a rental venue with rented everything is missing out .

I'm 21 and working minimum wage while in school and paying most of my own bills, and I still am managing to save up about 200 to 250 bucks a month for my wedding. I know everyone's situation is different, but there is no reason why your son and future daughter can't help out if they really wanted to. And if they can't than they're probably not ready to get married. You need to put your foot down and stop letting them take advantage of you.

Set a limit and stick to it. You are not obligated to pay for their entire wedding and you are 100% not obligated to do any contacting or planning their wedding. Honestly it seems to me that they are not ready to be married if they are unable to plan a wedding or budget within means.