Am I being unreasonable for not wanting kids at my wedding/reception???

@E&E it's really not meant to be an offense, it doesn't mean the bride and groom think your children are unimportant. Obviously you know weddings are expensive and kids drive up that cost. It's not a great atmosphere, either. I love all the kids in my and FH's family, but I just don't want them at the wedding. Doesn't mean I think they're unimportant.

No kids or babies at mine either, I'm sure a few won't like it but I'm not swaying. Stick to your guns, there's nothing wrong or selfish about wanting a kid free affair.

You're not unreasonable for not wanting kids there but the language you've used to explain your reasoning is a little on the harsh side.

Not unreasonable at all! We aren't having kids. I just hope you don't talk about your friends kids like that in front of them

I don't understand parents who totally abandon their own identity for the identity of "parent". You were your own person before you got married and/or had kids (not necessarily in that order), why do you have to abandon that? No, life isn't the same, but your life shouldn't revolve around any one thing (or person(s))

It is a bit unreasonable to ask someone to leave their infant with a babysitter. They may still be breastfeeding at 9 months.

Also, you kind of sound bratty when you complain about "whiny" kids ruining your "moment." These are your closest family and friends and that's how you're going to talk about their kids?

It's not unreasonable. It's you choice.

If they can't come, they can't come; that's the choice THEY made.

As a parent, I wouldn't even think about bringing my daughter to a wedding that FH and I were invited to. I understand everyone's different, but I think some people are too dramatic over not being able to bring their children. If it's an out of state wedding, I get it makes it tough. But for a local wedding most parents have babysitters they'd be able to hire for a night.

@MrsSki - then they have the option to decline? And just because someone is your nearest and dearest, doesn't mean your affection for them directly extends to their offspring any more than it does to their SO. I love my cousin, but her son is so whiney - does that fake crying stuff all the time and is spoiled. Just because I love his momma, doesn't mean I want to spend a whole lot of time with him

Wow.

Well, No kid will ruin your "moment"

mothers make the decision on sitters, cause that's their kid.

You can make it an adult only reception/ceremony but there are exceptions when it comes to kids. Certain ages, bridal party etc. And you need to be prepared for the fact that people won't show because you don't want their "whiny kid."

If a member of your bridal party can't find a sitter that meets their standards, you should be understanding or expect that person to no show at your wedding.

What if she is breastfeeding? Don't feed her kid at my wedding or else? Or leave him with a sketchy sitter or stay out of my wedding? The older kids, I get, but the babies.. come on..

Again, expect them to not show. ETA: at least be understanding if in the event they can't find one.

@Sarah, I think you misunderstood. You said it yourself, being a mom is "Part" of your identity, but it isnt your whole identity. Surely your life revolves partly around your spouse and your career and not solely your child? And you have a social life outside of your child and their play dates?

Absolutely not! and for others saying you're being dramatic... they can go somewhere else with their comment. its your day and you have that right to choose what you want. my fiancé and i are doing the same thing. I do not want kids at our wedding either... created a big deal with some of our guests, but if it is a big problem with some of the guests than i wish them the best and we will still enjoy our day. lol

@fallbride not all mom's make that choice.

Hence it's the moms choice if she wants to find a sitter or stay out of the wedding. ETA: let it be known that a child, ruined an Adults wedding.. I guess that's why they make microphones huh? Well... half the time I can't even hear the vows at wedding even without kids.

Sorry @Chip and @Fall Bride, but I'm totally sticking to if it's someone you really love and want to be there, a couple should allow a breastfeeding baby. If the baby is awesome enough to take a bottle of breast milk, that's great, but not all babies will. Older kids are much easier to leave than a kid who depends solely on mom for nourishment.

It just depends on how much you want the parents there. I can honestly say we don't have a single person on our guest list that I don't want there, so I don't see a problem if they need to bring their infant (for us, 3 are bringing infants but not their older children)

I can't tell you how many events I have had to decline just for the simple fact that I could not find a sitter available for that specific day or time that I could entrust my kid too. It's tough doing the mom life at times, and a single one at that. And I'm not talking weddings, I'm talking everything: dinner dates, nights out, concerts.

But I tell you what, all those people who didn't have kids before, are coming out of the weeds asking me if they can bring their child, because now they understand how much effort goes into finding one. :/

I will have 3- 6 year olds for sure. Those are my son's friends to keep him occupied. I will have a total of 5 babies under the age of one, from 5 friends who are new mothers. Each one has asked.

I have told them simply "it is your choice, I want you to enjoy yourself without worry, but I understand if you want to bring little Anna. I totally get it."

Out of the 5 only 2 mom's have said they will not bring the baby. The other 3 are undecided due to age of babies, breastfeeding and how protective they are. I love my friends. I love their babies.

To each their own, but at the very least take into consideration the effort it takes to find one and be understanding when your bridal party can't find one. Make it work, if you can.

Thanks for all the advice. I feel a lot better. No, I did not call their kids whiny to their face. I'm just venting now when I say that. I was calm and respectful when I spoke to everyone. I feel very strongly though about not having kids at the wedding. I have attended other friends weddings with the same ladies who are giving me a hard time now. I've seen one of their children run up and grab the back of bride's dress as she was walking out of the church with her husband and the mother did not do anything. Instead, she laughed because she thought what her kid was doing was cute. We attended a different wedding this past December, where one friend sat thru someone's ceremony while her daughter cried and she tried to calm the child down there inside the venue instead of walking outside. Another guest ended up telling to take herbchild outside. That is the type of foolishness I don't want at my wedding and trying to avoid. I will stand my ground. NO KIDS!!!

Not unreasonable at all. The only children at mine will be the kids participating thats it.

Did OP mention the children's ages? Are they actual babies (read-infants) or their "babies" that are really toddlers and above?

Personally, i'd allow a breastfeeding mom to have her child, they're usually quiet that age anyway and sleep mostly, but if the child eats on its own that is a different story

ETA I saw the update where it sounds like the children are more toddlers than infants - no, its not unreasonable to tell them no

@chip. Yes 5 babies under 9 months. The toddlers and kids I understand. But the babies needs to be looked at individually in my unpopular opinion

Totally understand. We are not having any children or babies there either. We have made it known this past summer and most likely again on our guest information card that we will send out with the STDs saying something like,

"Adult Only Wedding & Reception

Unfortunately, we are unable to host children and babies at the wedding and reception. No exceptions will be made. With respect, we would like our special day to be an adult only occasion. We appreciate and thank you for the understanding."

FH wants an adult only wedding more than I do. If people can't find someone to watch the kids say how sorry you are to hear that and you'll miss them at the wedding. Stick to your guns.

@MustLoveCats, really hammering it home there, huh?

Always with the tackiness.