jlpurce
Expert February 2010

Am I being selfish?

jlpurce, on October 10, 2009 at 10:20 AM Posted in Planning 0 20
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So when I was picking my bridesmaids I jokingly told them "No one better get pregnant". My sister was just pregnant for my brothers wedding and there was a lot of dress drama. So my sister-in-law went and ordered her dress yesterday and after having issues with the size she knew she needed (she tried them on like a month or two ago) she decided to take a pregnancy test. SHE'S PREGNANT. Now I love having nieced and nephews but the thing that bothers me is they were TRYING to get pregnant knowing that my wedding is coming up. And she is the type of person who wouldn't go to my sisters baby shower because the attention wasn't on her and it was the day after her wedding. I just feel like for someone who doesn't like the attention taken away from them, she is trying to take it away from me. Please tell me am I being selfish?

20 Comments

  • I
    Super December 2010
    icart ·
    • Flag

    Your not being selfish.. you told them, so you know make her something different so she is not standing up there. So what if she buys the dress or you do. you did state about getting pregnet. I would explain to her that it would look odd to have a pregnet bridesmade and that with all the standing would be hard on her and so she can sit down doing the guest book or something... This is yours and your FH day not hers and if she wants to be the center of attention, well she will be in a few months. Good luck. Hugs

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  • Laura
    Master May 2009
    Laura ·
    • Flag

    Yes you're being a little selfish....deciding to start trying for a baby is a HUGE decision in a couple's life and not one that someone else has a right to intrude upon, especially for something as trivial as a dress fitting. I get the attention thing and the inconvenience but people's lives can not be totally put on hold for your wedding. It can take a YEAR of "trying" for a couple to get pregnant, so putting it off for additional months for your wedding is a LOT to ask. Brides ask all kinds of things of their BMs, but I don't think they should ask them to put off starting a family. It's ok to not be THRILLED that the timing isn't better, but you do have to let it go and focus on the joy of it. Your BMs are not just props for your wedding, they are human beings with entire lives outside of your planning and therefore they have to continue to live their lives. Sorry

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  • jlpurce
    Expert February 2010
    jlpurce ·
    • Flag

    Thanks for you input Laura. They already have a child so this isn't the beginning of their family. I understand where you are coming from and do not want to control other people. I guess like you said I'm just not thrilled.

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  • L
    Dedicated July 2010
    LoveShown414 ·
    • Flag

    In all honesty, I'm bordering on the line of this is selfish. BUT for only 1 reason. I am having the same issue only with my very own sister! & I know that I'm beng selfish but we DO have a right to be! It's supposed to be the bride's day... not the pregnant lady! I told my sister not to be pregnant for my wedding and asked her nicely to just wait till after my wedding. So what does she do? Gets pregnant BEFORE my wedding so that she can still have attention on my day by having a newborn baby.

    Since your sister in law is going to be, what, 4 months? She won't be too huge but itll still be noticeable... maybe talk to her about whether she's really going to want to be standing up there for the whole wedding&eating at the head table (make it sound really miserable that she'll have to do these things) and maybe she'll step down on her own. Plus she may gain alot of weight by that time so you can bring up that the dress may not fit either. Don't let it bother u 2 much-itll all work out!

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  • jlpurce
    Expert February 2010
    jlpurce ·
    • Flag

    Thanks for bringing me back to reality. I realize I was being selfish and should be celebrating this instead or worrying about the dress fitting her. Hopefully there won't be too much dress drama. Thanks again!

    • Reply
  • Laura
    Master May 2009
    Laura ·
    • Flag

    Jlurce we ALL do it at least once or twice in our planning, we get a little too caught up in the details of the day to see the big picture. It is disappointing that everything can't be EXACTLY just how you want it, but that's life and it's great that you can see you might have needed an adjustment in perception. good for you! Like I said, we've all been there so don't feel bad. That's why were here to be honest with you!

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  • Jessy
    Master May 2010
    Jessy ·
    • Flag

    Jlpurce, I admire you for being so open to the opinions you received. You seem to be very mature and level headed.

    To those who seriously get upset with bridal party members for getting pregnant: I think it is selfish to ask/expect other people to put off their family planning just so a bride can feel like she's the center of the universe. Its not the bride's day... (or even the bride's year, if you take the engagement into account)... it's the COUPLE'S day. And any couple who is truly focused on celebrating their love for one another should feel honored to include others who are also experiencing the fruits of such love.

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  • W
    Master June 2010
    wowjunkie ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Laura and Jessy. Think about a year or two or however many after your wedding. What if someone told YOU "Hey, I know you want a baby and you're tying, but...NO. My wedding is so much more important than your family." I'd be livid, and I'm pretty certain you would be too. If that's a "rule" to being a bridesmaid then I think I'd rather bow out, ya know?

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  • reddiva22
    Super September 2010
    reddiva22 ·
    • Flag

    Jlpurce, I am glad that u are taking ppls constructive critisism so well, it shows how mature u are, but I have to agree with the other brides (with the exception of one) Good luck!Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • jlpurce
    Expert February 2010
    jlpurce ·
    • Flag

    Thanks to all who gave their opinion without being rude or insulting. I enjoy the critisism I have gotten because it made me step back into reality. However, I don't appreciate being called a moron. I think I may have just lost sight of the bigger picture for a minute, as I'm sure people do along the way in this crazy planning process.

    • Reply
  • reddiva22
    Super September 2010
    reddiva22 ·
    • Flag

    No worries jlpurce, we all get in wedding mode, I am also guilty of that, I had a situation where I was this way too and I had to be brought back into reality as well. (not ur situation but a similar one, so don't feel bad, we all do it) Good luck!

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  • arlala555
    VIP May 2010
    arlala555 ·
    • Flag

    I see where your coming from. I am a true bridezilla and more then a million times has my MOH told me so. I don't think you are being selfish at all. If I was pregnant during a wedding, I would gladly step down. It's the brides day and I wouldn't want to ruin it. And about the, it can take a year to get pregnant for some people, I know that feeling. I might not be able to have kids and even if by chance that happened during a friends or relatives wedding. I would step down.

    • Reply
  • W
    Master June 2010
    wowjunkie ·
    • Flag

    See, I don't get how it's taking away from the wedding. The wedding will always be about the bride and groom - no one else.

    • Reply
  • Tamara
    Dedicated November 2009
    Tamara ·
    • Flag

    I was asked to be in a wedding, went to try on my dress and then found out I was pregnant. I was 7 months pregnant when my good friend got married. I offered to step down and she said NO WAY. I did not take away from her day at all. How can being pregnant ruin someones wedding?

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  • JJ
    Master December 2009
    JJ ·
    • Flag

    Oh this happens all the time. i know i can't control everyone. some things are unreasonable. if you are that concerned, then take her out of your wedding party...seat her at an obscure table at the reception. don't let her be a reader, sign guests in, pass out programs, keep speeches minimal only to your moh and best man....there is only so much you can do.....you can also choose the style, material, color of dress for the bms.

    • Reply
  • JJ
    Master December 2009
    JJ ·
    • Flag

    Or place her at near the end or middle in your bms lineup.

    • Reply
  • Jessy
    Master May 2010
    Jessy ·
    • Flag

    Dsouldiva seems to be another fake account. Everyone should just report her/him.

    • Reply
  • reddiva22
    Super September 2010
    reddiva22 ·
    • Flag

    Great! More spammers, seriously these ppl need lives! Where is the security on WW?!

    • Reply
  • Talred
    September 2009
    Talred ·
    • Flag

    I had asked one of my friends to be a BM and we had to postpone the wedding for close to a yr. However, during that time (Feb09) she informed me that she was pregnant! I WAS SO EXCITED for her. I just asked her if SHE STILL WANTED to be in the wedding. I KNEW I STILL WANTED her there. I totally left it up to her. She was due 2 weeks after my wedding. AND YES we did have a few dress issues, but they all worked out and she looked BEAUTIFUL. She has just had the baby A GIRL!!! this past Monday! I WAS VERY HAPPY to have my friend in the wedding. To ME it was a GOOD sign, new marriage, new life. She just added to our wedding day.

    • Reply
  • jessica
    VIP May 2008
    jessica ·
    • Flag

    I'm sorry hun but your both being selfish her for wanting to take the spotlight away from you but at the same time you get pregnant when you get pregnant. but you are being selfish for being mad about it get over it and deal with it they have merilty bm dresses i belive

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