Am I being a crappy friend?

"They are cool and all" is not what I describe as a friend. This sounds more like an acquaintance, mutual friend, coworker etc NOT a friend. So this explains your laid-backness in not RSVPing on time and not really wanting to attend the potluck plus the informal Facebook invite. So I think thats your answer don't go. If this were a real friend of yours you would have have spoken up about your discomfort of the potluck, RSVPed on time, and attended regardless even if you just ate your own food. Potluck weddings are tacky yes but it doesn't stop real friends from going. Decline & stay home. If you like them a little more than a bit, send a gift or take them out for dinner.

Weird. Potluck wedding?!!! Sounds like it should be called a BBQ. I wouldn't feel guilty about not going. I'd definitely go to the ceremony though.

I didn't even know that potluck weddings were a thing...

If it's a really close friend who you would expect to attend your wedding I would go. Either don't bring food and explain why, or bring something store bought. Good luck!

I would only go if it was someone SUPER close to me.

I went to a potluck wedding, it was great food. BUT, I would never have one and want to attend one where I had to bring something (I think they had all their family bring something).

That is just weird. I like making food, but for a wedding? No thanks.

Potluck wedding + FB invite = hard pass for me :/

It doesn't sound like you want to go and I can't blame you. I would've rsvp-ed, but I also wouldn't have a potluck wedding...and a Facebook event for it at that.

Tough love headed your way: Yes, you are being a crappy friend (if you guys are really friends, not acquaintances). Sorry. A good friend doesn't let their hatred of potlucks (which I'll admit are super gross and have made me ill before) trump their love for their friend. A good friend RVSPs on time, brings a Costco platter, doesn't eat the food, and wishes the best for the couple. A good friend doesn't miss the most important day of their friend's life over food.

And as someone who is having a wedding and knows RSVP etiquette, you really should've RSVP-ed either way. Someone else having bad etiquette due to ignorance does not mean you get to intentionally respond with bad etiquette.

I had to bring stouffers Mac and cheese to a wedding. No. Just no. Never in my life.

Nope nope nope. If you truly want to attend then you should bring some food that you've gotten from a caterer and the only eat that. I wouldn't trust the rest of the food.

Why do they even need a guest count if they are not providing food. I would eat before I go, bring a store bought meat and cheese tray and a flask.

@MNBride "... and a flask" lmaoooo

No Lyla, that's an enabler.

So odd! I never knew this was a thing. I would go but not bring the dish... how rude to ask someone to do this!

Wait, so Facebook invite and a potluck? Yikes.

If you're close, go and bring some cookies or a tray of vegetables. I really like PP's suggestion of saying you had a commitment you tried to get out of but couldn't. You could go to the ceremony then leave

If she's an important friend, I'd attend the ceremony, give her a hug, then promptly exit stage left. But if you guys don't talk or hang out, just send a decline note with your best wishes.

I would just suck it up go and bring a dish :/ I know it may not be what you want but if she is your friend and don't want to lose your friendship .. I would say to just go :/

I think it's really rude that you didn't RSVP.

ETA: I agree with @Lyla. If this is a really good friend who you care about, go. If it's not a good friend, don't go. Either way, you should have RSVPed by the deadline. Either way, you should stop posting about her online and inviting total strangers to mock and judge her.

I bet it's a cash bar too.

I've decided not to go. I spoke to my FH who agrees with all of you and knows my financial issues right now, my cousins wedding is the following Saturday and he said if you could only go to one, who would you pick. So, I guess imma buy a gift card from their Amazon registry and call it a day.