Am I being a crappy friend?

She's the crappy friend. I would RSVP no. Personally (and I'm a trained chef) I would not want to take responsibility for my dish making someone sick or just being gross when I got there.

If you want to be a real useful friend? You'll tell her why you're not going. She probably won't or can't change it, but she should know how dangerous, gross and rude this is.

I think I would attend the ceremony and then promptly leave. I'm not bringing my own food to a wedding. If they're not going to properly host you then there's no need to stay for a "party ".

She is the rude one. Potlucks are a huge health and safety factor. If you really want to attend bring eat before you go. I would also not be giving them a wedding gift.

If this is a really really close friend, I would buy a tray of pre-made food from a caterer, bring that and consider that her gift.

I would stay for the ceremony and a toast, and leave shortly after.

I wouldn't go and you should have rsvp'd no.

Potlucks are super gross.

Yeah I can't just attend the ceremony and leave, I mean they are really fun to be around with and I'll know a ton of people there so people will know if I dip out.. . I could buy something pre-made but I don't want to supply food for 100 people either as I'm already cutting it tight saving for my own wedding... Plus it's outside and I'm in florida and just full of complaints apparently. I'm just not excited about this at all.

@Celia, Thanks so much- I may casually bring it up that it's gross

I feel like WW has programmed us all to hate potluck weddings. If this event was a birthday party or baby shower would it really be that gross to have a potluck? I get that it is not the classiest wedding out there (and by no means am I doing this) but if you love the friend and friend group then why wouldn't you go? Bring some rolls (they're super cheap) and have a good time.

@FutureFuiji, I would decline any event that was a potluck for 100+ people. Yes, that includes birthdays, baby showers and casual get togethers. The only potluck events I attend are small gatherings and I personally know/trust the cleanliness of everyone handling food. I have seen way to many coworkers, classmates and acquaintances leave the bathroom without washing their hands to trust just anyone's cooking. Eta: Also, a friend shared this on FB. It was from their office potluck. Yes, that is a kitty litter tub filled with homemade rice pudding.

It's not even that WW has programmed me into hating pot luck weddings, I'm just not a fan of pot lucks. I found hair in a pot luck thing at work once, and one item which was "meatless" was cooked in bacon fat and it made me very ill because i'm allergic to pork. So I guess those have just left a really bad taste in my mouth about potlucks.

Not sure where you are in Florida, but I know where I am, and this weekend I believe is going to be in the high 80s and so much humidity. Yup nope.. wouldn't go. Nothing worse than eating a tuna salad that sat in grandmas car during the ceremony.

At the end of the day, would you regret not going and will you have fun?

I think that is #1

Other than that, you don't have to go and heck, you don't have to bring food either.

I would go to a catering company and pick something up from there and bring it. - Yes it's not the proper way she should be hosting her guests.

ETA: Bring something you would want to eat and only eat your food.... that's what I would do at least... haha.

I'd buy a few bags of chips and rolls, or some grocery store cupcakes and call it a day. If there's not a complete meal, that's her own fault. (This is if you really can't see missing her wedding.)

ETA- I die a little inside every time the kitty liter rice pudding is shared.

As a "lick the spoon when I'm baking and FH will never know" kind of gal, I just can't trust pot luck food.

If I go to potlucks, I'd bring just enough food for myself and eat that. If you do decide to go, you can just pack a meal for yourself and not share. It was rude of your friend to expect you to bring food, though.

Sara offers a great compromise, if you plan on going. It sounds as though you know a lot of the people attending, have you spoken with any of them about this?

If it were me, I'd still probably go if I were very close to the people. However, if I were that close to the couple I probably would have known their plans for a potluck earlier on and I would have been like "are you sure? why? x, x and x can go wrong, it's really not a good idea".

@BeachDreams I just gagged....

It would depend on how much I liked them. I suck at cooking so I'd buy something to fill in any gaps left in the menu

@FutureFuji, I did not like potlucks before lurking WW. I think it sucks to pretend to host an event but actually make your guests do most of the work.

However, the reason people may not mind as potluck for, say, a birthday party as much is that the food could reasonably be served right away, or at least prioritized by whether it needs to be kept at a certain temperature or not. At a wedding, you have to wait through a ceremony before you can eat, and ceremonies rarely start on time. Who knows how long the food is sitting before you get to eat it?

Also, a wedding is (usually) much more formal than a birthday party or baby shower. I don't know about you, but it takes me a good bit longer to get ready for a wedding than a birthday party. I don't want to spend all that time getting ready and then sweat my makeup off over the stove.

But, yeah, I would be only slightly more inclined to attend a potluck birthday party than a potluck wedding. And I'd give major side-eye to a potluck shower. I have to cook something AND bring a gift? No.

Oh hell no!!!!! I would go to the ceremony and skip out on the reception. If she asks why, I would be honest about not being comfortable with the food.

I won't eat anything unless I know the person cooking it when at a party (obviously professional catering/restaurants excluded). People are gross. Rice pudding kitty litter is a perfect example!