Am I Being A Bridezilla?

If I got that response after telling her I found a flight and the timeline I would drop it. You KNOW shes trying to think through it and give you the best possible reason she cant make it, so I would take it and leave it at that and see her at your wedding. Its easier for her to buy you shoes then travel and cram 15 things in a day then leave again.

You have unreasonable expectations. Not only is it VERY expensive to fly across country, but the time difference and the energy it takes to travel that far are exhausting. The ONLY person for whom I would do the schedule you proposed is my sister. You literally planned every second of her time for a whole weekend, and then you send her back to work on Monday completely exhausted. I personally need at least a day after a trip like that to recover. You also have no idea what her job entails or how mentally taxing it is regardless of how many hours she works. By the way, I only work one job and sometimes end up working 70hrs in a week. Plus, why would you expect her to use all her vacation time to do your pre-wedding events? I didn't have many pre-wedding parties (only 1 actually), partly because I didn't want to monopolize any more of my friends' and family's time than I needed to. I almost said no to a bachelorette party because my MOH (my sister) and one of my BMs were coming to Seattle (where I am) from NC, and I wanted them to relax on what was essentially their vacation. The compromise was that we would have the party on the Thursday before the wedding because both of them and most of my OOT friends already planned to be in town. There is no way I would make my friends make two cross-country trips for my wedding. Let this go. Be understanding and support your friend's choice not to come to your pre-wedding events.

Travel is not easy for everyone. I've made plans for Friday after work and been to tired to actually do them because of a long work day. I can't imagine being asked to work all day/ week, jump on a 6 hour flight, immediately go out, paintball party, go out, then fly 6 hours home and start my work week again. My sister will be coming in on Friday afternoon. She's met maybe half of the BP before. They will be okay to walk together.

If she truly wants to be there for an event, she will. If she doesn't, she'll make an excuse.

One of my girls is unable to come to any of my parties but the bachelorette party and that's only because it will be the day before the wedding and she is getting here 2 days before (she has 3 jobs and school. It's hard for her to take off) so me and my local girls are going out to Tennessee to have a girls trip that she can be involved in. It's fun for my local girls cause it's a vacation and fun for me because I get to include all of my friends. Sometimes if you really love someone enough you have to be the one to make the sacrifices and bring the party to her.

My best friend lives far away from me and I do not expect her to do anything but stand beside on the day and hand me tissues. That's it. Half our bridal party lives in another country and will meet the rest at the rehearsal. And I would not be going to paint balling to meet people. I hate paintballing. How is that bonding?

Aly, that's so not true.

OP your expectations are way too high. The WP does not need to "feel comfortable with each other". For what? They're not going to be deployed. They're going to a party for a day. Your friend can't make it from literally most of the way across the country, accept that graciously. Also, she shouldn't have to take photos for your wedding activities, and I suspect that's your agenda.

Someone else posted "duties" of WP members. Those lists are bullshit. They're created by the wedding industry to make people feel like they have to spend a boatload of money or otherwise they're being a bad friend.

Jennifer is not a Bridezilla. Be like Jennifer, everyone!

FWIW: My three best friends are not local. Not being a bridezilla meant having to understand when none of them could even make it the wedding due to money, family, or time and still being their friend and not try to micromanage their lives to try to get them here.

Realllllllllyyyyyy glad I added the "yet" to my post. Girl you were flirting with being a bridezilla and I think you officially stepped over the line.

You're hurt. That's obvious. You jumped into wedding planning, starting with the best friend/photographer and the engagement pics (and if that's the same friend from across the country, the mere suggestion of her taking your photos was just excitement). You're talking about an engagement party, a weekend long BP, a bridal party meet, etc., You met with a little rejection -- not personal rejection, but rejection of a proposal, and you're upset enough about that rejection to ask a community if you're being a Bridezilla about it. Why would you even ask that if you weren't ready to hear that you may be a little pushy? In the end, you've decided our opinions are moot. I daresay they wouldn't be considered moot (even if we, as you suggest, don't know this person) if we validated everything you said.

Brittany, you wrote: "I’m sorry I can’t 'take a damn hint' and expect adults to be upfront and say what they want/feel/need instead of beating around the bush" See...you're mad. Now you're implying that this woman, your best friend, the one helping to pay for your wedding shoes, the one flying across the country to attend your wedding, isn't acting like an adult. In fact, she's not beating around the bush; I found her response to your list of your pre-wedding festivities to be rather obvious: "My best friend said she cant take that much time off of work."

She did decline -- didn't you hear it (it was a soft decline, but a decline nevertheless)? She thought about it and she can't take that much time off of work. That's where you should have left the issue, but you didn't. You say she knows you wouldn't be offended if she very honestly declined (how brutally direct do you want her to be?), but your very next sentence reveals that you are, at least on some level, offended: "...which is understandable but still frustrating because she goes on vacation all the time) but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and worked off the assumption that those vacations were already planned and she has used all of her vacation hours....". Do you not hear yourself? You're frustrated, you're giving her the benefit of the doubt, you're working off an assumption as it relates to her personal vacation plans and how they might affect her ability to fly across the country, engage in a paintball tournament, spend that night and maybe the next at your BP, and then fly home.

You apparently didn't like the responses you received, which is sad -- we don't need to know "how her body works", to read her message very clearly. It's too much -- whether it's too much time off of work, too much money, or just too much everything considering the fact that she will have to make this trip again for the wedding. You're even talking about time zone changes, and nobody implied that you were "a complete idiot."

You did a lot of research to prove to her that this could be done -- and the implication is "if she really wanted to". In your first post, I believe you said that she responded to your research by saying that there was time between now and then -- which again, is a way of tabling the subject.

You know, I hate the word Bridezilla; I think it is a silly title that used to paint brides-to-be as tantrum throwing babies who truly believe they're being coronated, and because of their special day, they get to step over and on anyone. So no, I don't think you're a Bridezilla, but I do think you're very defensive and perhaps you should make a choice not to infer so much from what others are saying. This is a perfect example: "I’m sorry you are all so put off by this but my entire wedding party thinks it’ll be a lot of fun. Glad I chose people who like to have fun in similar ways as FH and I. Goes to show I chose the wedding party correctly rather than by GEOGRAPHIC CONVENIENCE)."

Reread that a few times. You've got to hear how that sounds.

I don't understand the point of "wedding party meetups". Our wedding party met the day before (those that couldn't come to the rehearsal met day of!) And there were no issues. Everyone partied and got along because they were there to support us not become best friends

I would never want to go out and party after a cross country flight. That sounds awful.

Plus, she told you "no", gave you her reasons, and then you went around her to look up information she didn't want or ask for so you could pressure her into coming.

Getting time off work isn't always easy for people. Working all day and then traveling isn't easy for people.

If she said yes to being a bridesmaid then I'm sure she plans to be at your wedding, which is all that matters. It shouldn't be awkward or uncomfortable meeting new people at a wedding.

I'm sure it will be fine... but don't push people when they tell you no. I'm sure she WANTS to be there... but she's across the country. You need to manage your expectations.

Let me clarify - there are legitimate reasons, like cost and timelines and days off work. Attending bridal events, outside of the wedding, are not always feasible. If there are no reasons in her way and she wants to attend, she will find a way to make it work and be there. If there are no reasons in her way and she does not want to attend, she will find an excuse.

Yes.

Sometimes I wonder how I got off so easy with my bridal party (zero drama), then I realize it's because I didn't ask them to fly across the country to go fucking paint balling with a bunch of strangers.

Can I get an amen for Rachel D.'s post? Please be my therapist.

Ehhhhh.....My bridal party says, "How can we help, how early do you want me to be in town to help, etc.?".....my reply is always, "Just show up on the day. If you're able to put the outfit on, great, but even if you can't, and you're there in jeans and a hoodie, that's fine too. I just want you by my side".

Flying stresses me the fuck out. I wouldn't fly Seattle to SC and back in three days multiple times. No way, no how. That's like 10-12 hours on a plane in a weekend, plus another 4 to 6 hours of airport time total. Barely less time than she would actually spend there.

Just let it go. Invite her when you know the dates, and if she decides to come, great! If she doesn't come, also great!

@Brittany - I did read your post. If the epics thing is "no big deal" then why even mention it? You asked for opinions whether you're being irrational but it seems like you really don't want to hear that people think you are.