Already married

The first things you'll have to do is create a budget and guest list. Then you'll want to research venues and schedule tours. Until you have a venue you can't really schedule anything else. The sooner you find a venue the better. October is an extremely popular month to get married and a lot of venues book over a year in advance.

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That's where im stuck at is if we just want more of a reception location since were already married or do we just do it all. we already have our guest list done and have a roundabout budget

If you do decide to do it all, you would technically call it a Vow Renewal. I know some people on here have done those before.

The red flag that sticks out to me is lying to your guests about being married. That’s how it sounds where you say “we want to do it as if we aren’t married“. Just plan a vow renewal/anniversary party and be honest with everyone. Also, depending on the crowd, while it is a current trend to have a small ceremony and big party, a number of people feel like they are not important enough to you to attend the wedding if they are invited to the reception only because they view the ceremony as the main event.

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As you said, you will already have been married two years. You'll be a wife, not a bride. That doesn't mean you can't have a great big, lavish party with all the trimmings, cake, a gown, dancing etc. But I would stop short of a bridal party, accepting any showers or traditional pre-wedding events or inviting people to a "wedding" as opposed to the celebration of marriage or anniversary party it is.

Also, I'm not sure you meant it this way but definitely do not misrepresent to your guests that this is the real thing.

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Our whole family knows were married so we aren't lying. they're the ones pushing us for us to do the whole thing since they werent there to witness it. my husband is an only child and we dont want his family to miss out on their only son getting married and same with my family as well. i want my father to still walk me down the aisle. when i mean small ceremony i mean everyone invited to the reception but more simple then an actual wedding.

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That's exactly how i feel we have everything we need and ever wanted. if anything, a honeymoon fund. Its our friends and family that are asking about a wedding party and bachelor party and so on. im okay with calling it a celebration of wedding however its our family that wants to call it more.

View Quoted Comment That’s when you learn to set and maintain firm boundaries with partner’s support to say no when family or anyone else pressures you.


Again, nothing wrong with a vow renewal or anniversary party but do not call it a wedding because it is not one and that ship has already sailed. The same for pre-wedding parties such as showers that cannot be held after the wedding has long passed.

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I agree with Michelle. Set those boundaries with the In-laws now because you ARE married whether they were witnesses or not. Do they just want to throw a bachelor party or do they not recognize your marriage? If need be, check them with those exact words. It would be highly inappropriate to throw a bachelor party or shower after 2 years of real marriage. A vow renewal party is still a wonderful celebration to share with others.

On a side note, yesterday I received a vow renewal invite that listed a honeymoon fund on the website. The couple isn't greedy, but I think they were at a loss of what to do in their excitement. This is really in questionable taste as they have been also married 2 years. Most often guests do not gift people already married.

View Quoted Comment I agree that registering as a married couple is inappropriate. It may have been for very good reason but it was still the couple’s choice to get married privately with few people in attendance.


My experience is different, though. In my circles people who never sent a wedding gift at the time quite often will if invited to a delayed celebration of this kind, and those who did usually bring something more appropriate to an anniversary dinner, too. But that’s all totally optional and by choice.
OP, I would not do a honeymoon registry, though. They take a percentage and cut a check so it’s really just asking for money. Guests who want to write you a check know they can. Plus, it’s not in great taste to ask people to fund a married couple’s vacation, whether or not they ever took a honeymoon.

I agree with all the others. Have an amazing vow renewal celebration with all the bells and whistles! But, do keep in mind that it is a vow renewal, not a wedding. So registries/honeymoon funds, as well as traditional pre-wedding events (showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties, etc.) would not be appropriate.

Congratulations and good luck! I agree with most of what was previously said: this is technically not a "wedding", more a vow renewal/anniversary celebration. It is in good taste to have a simple ceremony, a more casual reception with many family and close friends; attendants optional (you may wish to invite your original MOH and BM) unless necessary at the church (more about that in a moment). Bridal shower would be probably be considered tacky, but if you and your husband want to reconnect with friends, bachelor and bachelorette parties might be fun. Your attire should not be "bride and groom" types, but even a white dress is appropriate as long as it doesn't look like a wedding gown. For example: my husband and I are married 37 years. We had a small church wedding but didn't have a Catholic wedding ceremony because I'd been previously married as a Catholic, then divorced. I recently obtained a church annulment and now we are planning a "convalidation" ceremony in June, at our 38th anniversary. Technically, it is a wedding because we'd not been married in the Catholic Church and our marriage is not recognized by the Church. So, we are having a simple ceremony during a regular Sunday morning choir Mass at our parish church . We have 2 attendants because witnesses are needed: my closest and dearest friend (also the church organist/choir director) is my MOH; our 36 year old son is BM. His children, ages 12 & 9, will participate in the Mass by bringing up the offertory gifts. We have no invited guests per se - our parents and siblings are deceased and we have no other relatives that live nearby. Later in the day, the MOH and her husband, who is photographing the day, are hosting a wedding dinner for us (their wedding gift to us) at a local elegant restaurant and it will be just the 8 of us including the priest. I am wearing a lace sheath dress, knee length, with a sheer "coat" over it, a small bow with a tiny veil in my hair, and flat dressy leather shoes, all a creamy ivory color. My husband is wearing a formal black suit, white dress shirt with French cuffs, a black/blue/gold silk paisley tie, black shoes. Our son is wearing a suit & tie and white dress shirt, his kids will wear their "Sunday best" - dark slacks, white shirt, tie for the boy, blue lace dress for the girl. MOH is wearing a lovely royal blue pant suit. I will carry a small bouquet of ivory roses, and there will be an ivory rose corsage for MOH (she'll be playing the organ for the Mass and directing the choir), a small bouquet for my granddaughter, and boutonnieres for the men. At the restaurant there will be a small tiered wedding cake and a centerpiece with a Nuptial candle set - hubby and I each have a lighted candle and we will light the center candle. In other words - all the elements of a wedding done on a smaller, more simple scale. BTW, I did have a bridal shower, a surprise from my MOH, but it was just the two of us at her house, and she gave me gifts such as the candle set, a pair of white slippers, wine glass and coffee mug that all said "bride" as well as a well as satin slippers and lace socks to match my honeymoon (yes, we're having one, a week in New England - we didn't 38 years ago!) peignoir, and a "Something Borrowed" - a lace trimmed handkerchief made by her grandmother. And, she's also had me out several evenings lately for dinners, a show and a concert, as "bachelorette" events. Except for these gifts and events from my MOH (who is having as much fun as I am planning this!), there will be no registry and no other gifts or parties.

View Quoted Comment I’m going to have to disagree with a lot of this. There is no need to have a scaled down ceremony or reception, nor is there any need to wear scaled down attire. You can go as big and fancy and elaborate as you want with your ceremony and/or reception! Want to invite 250 people? Invite them! Want to have a huge wedding cake? Have it! Want a fancy dinner, open bar, DJ, dancing, etc. etc…. do it all!! And by all means, wear a wedding dress if you’d like! It can be simple and understated…. Or a full-on fancy ballgown! None of those things are faux pas or considered poor etiquette. So plan the vow renewal of your dreams- whatever that looks like for you and your SO 😊

Just throwing it out there since this is a really hot topic on this forum, my husband and I were married for a year and a half and got married essentially as newlyweds. Our families knew we had been married as well as many close friends, we really just didnt make it social media official or change my name socially until the wedding. We both still did all the stuff people do without being married first. We did wedding parties, bachelor and bachelorette, and a bridal shower. No one complained, no one was upset, everyone was just excited to celebrate with us. Know your crowd, but I would recommend what we did to anyone who needed to sign papers early. Most people in our circle of friends have done it similarly.

We also still called it our wedding, because it was. Sitting in a judge's office and signing a piece of paper for 2 minutes was not our wedding. A wedding is a party in celebration of a marriage, and if youre ok being non-traditional, idk why it has to coincide with doing the boring legal stuff.