Advice please - donation in lieu of favors

For the record, the only times I've seen my FH cry are when the topic of his friend comes up, and when he proposed. So I'm sure he'll be really moved by this. If I go through with it, I'd like to try and keep it a secret until the wedding or the rehearsal

I personally think it's a great idea, but I don't like the idea of saying in lieu of favors. Favors are not mandatory, I wouldn't even bring them up. I would just say that in honor of your guests you are donating to said charity. I think the program would be a great place for it. Or on the tables at the reception!

Thanks, I like that! Makes it less wordy too which is what I was aiming for.

Definitely! I just think it sounds nicer and IMO your guests will never think twice about the favor thing.

I have actually heard it said "in lieu of favors" and I think that's fine. I get what you're saying RayRay, but if you don't let the guests know the donation is *instead* of favors, it might come across as sounding a little braggy and then people will still be wondering where the favors are. LOL

I attended a wedding where they did a donation instead of favors and the guy who gave the blessing before dinner actually made a brief speech about why there were no favors. It was nice.

Putting a little card on the tables explaining it is a good idea too!

I've been to a few weddings that did donations. Each time, they placed a card at the seat that said something to the effect of "In leiu of favors, you made a donation in the name of your friend to such and such". But I think a program is another good place for it. My only thought it some people dont take a program, so if you have something at the table or a card at their seat, its more likely to be seen by everyone.

We're doing that. We made business-size cards on VP and there'll be one at every place setting.

I think that's a wonderful and very meaningful idea! I agree with what has been suggested already - a card at the place setting that advises guests that a donation has been made and if you share the meaning behind the donation I think thatd be really special!

Someone just posted about that recently. I forget what the exact wording was, but they are going to donate to an organization against the abuse of animals. Maybe you can search the boards.

@HisMrs that's the flip side I was worried about - guests wondering "why the heck is she bragging about this?" Haha! Although I don't think people would, especially since just about everyone on FH's guest list knew FH's friend in one way or another (it's a small town). It's my "side" that may need the background story.

I would put them at the place settings, on little cards or something, that say "In lieu of favors we made this donation." And maybe a small amount of information about why you made that decision, trying to make it heart felt and sweet, but not sad. I dont think in the programs it will be seen as favors and some people wont read that. Putting it on the tables not only communicates, but it also spread information about the organization, so people might remember it and make donations themselves, or learn about it.

My cousin did this for her wedding so I got long name plates from Avery and printed a nice explanation with pictures. We placed 2or3 on each table at the reception.

My FH's cousin did this, and when we arrived at our seats there was a little card that said "In lieu of favors, we have given a donation in your honor to the Breast Cancer Foundation." I thought it was very sweet, especially since FH's mother is in remission from breast cancer. <3

Here is what you can do and just put a little note if you want in memory of ___ and in lieu of favors we have made a donation to _______

You can make these yourself on vistaprint for cheap!

Make about 2 per table and just have them on the tables. I've seen it at wedding sand it's very nice!

One of the brides on here donated to a charity (maybe for MS?) and gave out bracelets like the LiveStrong ones but for her charity at her wedding. Does your charity of choice have a little trinket of some sort you can give out?

I should add that even the brides on here that are against donations in lieu of favors liked her charity bracelets since the wedding guest still got something and the charity was real personal to them (I think that it was for a disease the grooms mother had)

We did table tents explaining the donations in lieu of favors. They had identical text on both sides, and we did one per table (our tables had a max of 8 people each for our smallish wedding). On the table tents we explained the relevance of both charities and the personal connection we had to them, and we also explained some other small touches and donations to be made with the décor (we had photos around the manor of family members that couldn't be at the wedding, but we knew that sort of thing wouldn't register for most friends or guests on one "side" of the family).

I think it's great you're doing this as a surprise for your H too!

Are you sure you want to make it a surprise? Not sure...some people don't like to get sad/emotional in front of others. This could maybe be a bad thing to be surprised with.

I love @HisMrs idea of having it mentioned during the dinner blessing. Talk to your FH though and see how he would feel about this. Since he is so affected by the loss if his friend he could either love the idea or worry that he'd get too sad.

I also love @Sara P's idea of the bracelets!! I think that is an awesome way to honor his friend and include a card with why you chose the charity you did.

Thanks for the concerns, all, definitely good points to consider. Maybe it would be best to say something to FH about it in advance so that he's not a big emotional mess on the day of. To me it seems like a hard line to walk - it'd be strange *not* to mention him because it was FH's best friend, but on the other hand, I don't want sadness overpowering the day. Another idea could be to have the officiant mention it during the rehearsal dinner, so that it's a much more intimate group.

I attended a wedding where the couple donated money in honor of the groom's mother who had recently passed away from cancer and they put that on the small table numbers for each person, it said something like "In honor of so and so a donation was made tp the cancer society" or something like that. Anyway it was really nice and I think that is completely acceptable instead of favors! Most of the time people don't use or take the favors anyway