Adult Only Wedding that has been known for 2 years

View Quoted Comment I understand where you are coming from. But I meant it as a point that they knew where I stood years ago. And that is shouldn't be a surprise. Not that I expected them to pause their lives for my day. But I also feel that it is a disregard to me for not respecting my wants on my day. I'm willing to make it work for them I just wanted advice. What if I brought my puppy to an event without telling the host or hostess. I would be expected to make arrangements. It's no different. Minus the breastfeeding which I have already discussed and accommodated them for that. I'm not being rude or disregarding their feelings. I'm going to make it work, whether they come or don't come I respect their decisions.

The amount of time they have known that your wedding would be adults only is completely irrelevant... However, I definitely understand not wanting crying babies disrupting your ceremony. I would talk to them individually and try to come up with a compromise. Maybe their spouses can watch the babies in the bridal suite during your ceremony, and they can baby-wear during the reception? Or maybe it would make difference if they had a say in selecting a babysitter so that it's not a stranger? Start by having a conversation with them in order to get on the same page.

View Quoted Comment Completely agree. This is exactly what I believe I am going to do. Because I want them there but I also want to have a quite ceremony. Thank you for your feedback and understanding.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think you look like a monster. Not at all. You are a bride (and groom) who made a decision and want it respected. You came back and clarified your stance and that helped immensely in my understanding (not that you needed to but I appreciated that!).
You most certainly do have the right to have a child free wedding and you are being very generous with your want of providing babysitting services. My thought process was effected by the fact that those with newborns were in your wedding party. You offered options that did not need to be provided and understand that everyone involved has a personal decision to make and stand by.
This is a great post IMO in understanding/working through an issue. Thank you for not shutting it down and keeping it going.

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Thank you for understanding. The mothers being in my bridal party and one of them being my matron of honor is why I want them to be there. So I am trying to not have drama. I just feel we all need to get on the same page and respect what the others want. If I can get a significant other to watch the babies during the ceremony and have them around at the reception I am totally down for that option. I just hope we can all come to an understanding without it getting nasty and ruining are friendships.

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I will talk to them individually in person, one next week the other in July.

Looking through this post I just want to add something to one of your comments. You mentioned that you shouldn’t have to accommodate for their life choices - please keep in mind that this is what you are asking of them. Talk it out and see what they feel comfortable doing (seems like that’s what you plan to do). Perhaps giving them the option to opt out may be appreciated. One month after having my son I was still in quite some pain, and having some health issues. I also agree that leaving a newborn alone is not the easiest thing to do (in general) let alone with a stranger. Even though things are opening up in many areas, Covid is still here and babies have no immunity. I personally would not bring a baby to an event right now. We are actually having this conversation with my husband’s brother regarding our postponed celebration and his nephew (who was going to be our ring bearer) to see if they prefer leaving him at home since he’s too young to be vaccinated. I totally understand the no kid thing (it’s what we are doing, the nephew was the only kid due to being in the ceremony) but in the grand scheme of things, these are people’s children we are talking about. The parents are the only ones who can, and should, decide what is best. Your wedding may not come first in the eyes of a parent. I say this all with love, so please don’t take it as me being harsh! Just keeping it real, hun

View Quoted Comment I totally understood what you meant regarding the 2 year heads up. We are all planning weddings and when we send our invitations, the RSVP will have two options… Accept or Decline. I’m a true believer that the “decline” option is there for a reason. And, unfortunately, some people will have to use it for various reasons (and I don’t need to know the reason). Life happens and it’s ever-changing. So, everyone can’t attend everything (period). That is also true for bridal party members as well. However, the hope is that you know sooner than later when it comes to your bridal party members.


At this point, the ball in your bridesmaid’s court to make a decision that works for them and their child. They’re going to be parents soon, so making these types of decisions is something they’ll need to get used to.

View Quoted Comment I 100% agree with you. I don't have kids so I do not fully understand. But I really would be shocked if the one giving birth a month before would come. Due to not knowing complications. You are not being harsh you are being honest. Thank you for your input.

View Quoted Comment Yes, 100%. I feel that they don't want to hurt my feelings. But I would totally understand and respect if they didn't come.

If you are 100% set on adult only (which, by the way, I completely understand- no judgement at all), then you will need to convey that to them in the nicest, most understanding way possible. You have graciously offered to pay for an on-site sitter, which they don’t feel comfortable utilizing (also completely understandable). Maybe you could offer to use that money to pay for a sitter of their choice, or their parents/in-laws. If they simply do not feel comfortable leaving their baby with anyone at all, you will need to decide which is more important to you- having no babies present, or having these women in your wedding.

You shoundn't make any exception to your kid-free rule, otherwise the parents who coundn't bring their will be upset with you and your fiancé/husband. No exception (other than your and your partner's sinlings) not even for a newborn/infant.
They knew that you wanted a kid free affair, so they have to choose: either they let the sitter you hired warch them or they can decide not to attend. I'm not sure why the couple should do what these girls want since you are already accommodating them by hiring a sitter! I'm sick and tired by some people, especially bridal party,parents,grand parents when they pressure the couple to do this, not to have that, trying to make YOUR wedding about them,etc...
We also decided to host an adult only and the exceptions are my bro and my groom's sis who will be 15,5 and 15 at the time. We are getting pushback/backlash from our families but we told them no exceptions other than my bro and fiancé's sis, we are not even accommodating my fiancé's s sister who has a 1 Y.O (2 in apr. 2022 when we get married), my future sister in-law said she will let her daughter with the sitter we hired so if she agreed for a 2 Y.O, why other people wouldn't?, if they are upset with us , they can RSVP no.

Here's my thing: someone has to get married earlier, and someone has to get married later. Presumably these women are married, and you may have even been a bridesmaid in their weddings. In life, if someone shows up for you, you should show up for them. I get priorities change, they don't want to leave their kids or whatever but honestly, they were happy to be the bride and receive that love from their friends when they got married, now it's time for them to give that effort back when it's someone else's turn. It's not right to skip out on that because you don't feel like it anymore. People shouldn't be made to feel like no one cares because they got married later.

As a person who had kids at her wedding - offer the sitter; if you can, offer to let them bring an extra guest to care for the baby. But if you want no kids, then have no kids. It's your day, and childfree weddings are fairly standard.

This is a super tough situation. You are doing everything you can to accommodate them and help them feel comfortable. If they are unwilling to make a sacrifice for you for 5 hours then maybe you should reconsider them being in your wedding party. This is something they should have offered when they found out they were expecting. Being a bridesmaid mean being there and be able to help you. If they just had a baby or are ready to burst they are not going to be able to fulfill the duties that they agreed on.

This should not come with any hard feelings for anyone. New moms should be with their babies and a bride should not have to take on additional burden and make more sacrifices.

If you make an exception to the child rule for them be prepared to make exceptions for everyone. The one thing you do not want to do is to have a scream infant at the ceremony and reception while a mother of a 10 year old had to pay for a sitter with their own money. That 10 year old would have been less of a disruption and would have actually enjoyed the event.

Our best friends are trying for a baby which means her due will be right around our wedding the women is our officiant and the other is our best man. They know there is a no child rule and we are brainstorming ways to make it work for them.

PS: Don't let anyone tell you you are making the wrong decision. You have spent too much money and time on this wedding and at the end of the day it is about you and what you want.

As someone who has worked in high-risk maternal and child health, I'm confused that few people have talked about health concerns. Neonatal health is serious. Medically-advised C-sections are serious. Be prepared that your friends may not be physically and/or emotionally prepared to attend your wedding. It's not really about babysitters and your way.

Honestly this is so over blown in my opinion. I would assume these pregnant BM have SOs of some kind they're bringing with them to the wedding?

They're not going to be carrying the baby while walking down the aisle or while standing for your ceremony. They'll leave the baby in the care of their SO. If the baby starts to fuss or cry the SO can remove themselves and the child from the area. It's not a big deal as far as that goes, so no reason to hire a babysitter for during the ceremony to observe newborn babies.

Just politely ask your friends to have their SOs remove themselves and the kiddos if they start fussing and you're clear. Most parents are respectful enough to do that anyways, but it's a really easy compromise to ask.

I do agree with other posters though, it's possible neither of these women will feel physically or mentally up to being with you at the altar after giving birth. Post-partum can be hell, but that's not for you to decide. As someone much earlier said, be a friend first and a bride second.

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Are you seriously trying to compare bringing a puppy vs an infant baby to an event? LOLOLOL, no.

Circumstances change. I get being disappointed but these people are your best friends. Having an infant nearby is not going to affect your wedding at all. Babies that little sleep pretty much all the time. Let them figure out what they're comfortable with - you really don't need to be involved any more than saying "of course babies can be around if necessary, I'd like you stand up during the ceremony without baby in your arms, but other than that, whatever you need."

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THIS 10000%

If you stick to this, be prepared to 100% for them not to come. They are the food source of their infant and there are so many post birth factors that they cannot even factor in now. I’d be ready for them to decline coming.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. This is what I believe will happen. And I am fully aware of post-partum effects. We will see what happens.