Adult Only Wedding that has been known for 2 years

Be aware that due dates are just estimates. If the one isn’t comfortable with the on-site sitter, can baby stay with grandparents or are they guests as well? Asking them to step down as bridesmaids is a friendship ending move so be aware of that.

Infants, especially infants that young, should absolutely be an exception to a "no kids" wedding. I'd be pretty pissed off if my good friend told me she expected me to be separated from my one-month-old for her wedding. I for sure would not be comfortable leaving a newborn with a babysitter.

"They have known before being pregnant that the event was adult only."

This comment really doesn't sit well with me. Maybe you don't mean it like this, but this sounds like you think they should have waited to get pregnant?

Be a friend first and a bride second, OP. I would really rethink your stance here.

View Quoted Comment To a certain extent-but I 100% do NOT want a one month old in someone’s arms at my ceremony. If the kid needs to be on property so mom can be present, fine, but the kids still need to be out of sight and out of mind for everyone else.

I personally would decline going to your wedding. I am also against kids at weddings, because they don’t want to be there for one thing and they scream especially newborns. The last thing you want is a screaming newborn while you’re trying to say your vows. However, I do think it is a little bit inappropriate of you to suggest that they should leave their newborns with total strangers that you pay for and pick. If I had a newborn, I wouldn’t be trusting anyone with my newborn let alone a total stranger. It’s unfortunate, but if they don’t have any parents to watch their kids or anything like that or if they don’t want to be away from their children then they should just decline going to your wedding or maybe just do virtual

These babies will be newborns. If the ladies are still willing/able to be a part of your wedding, they should have 100% decision making in who tends to their babies, that includes them doing it themselves.
I personally would think long and hard on the stance you would be making; based on what you wrote, it looks as if you are upset that these ladies did not put their lives on hold for two years to accommodate your wedding day and that you want complete control over who watches their newborns should you chose to allow these newborns make an appearance at your wedding.
This is how your stance is perceived.

ETA : my timing is off regarding “putting life on hold”. I still stand by the fact that it doesn’t matter when you asked them/told them no kids ... you cannot dictate someone else’s life. They can get pregnant and have a baby any time they want.

You don’t get to make the decision on who get to watch their newborns, it doesn’t matter how accommodating you are. You had a two year engagement, they can just place their lives on hold. And the way this whole thing is worded is very off putting


There are a few options:1. Let them bring their infants. Some moms can’t pump, some babies don’t take to bottles. This is probably one of the best things you can do to show your friends that it means more to you that you have them their.
2. Stick to no children. But accept that they won’t leave their infants and not attend the wedding.
3. If there is an opportunity for them to bring a grandparent or someone they trust to be on site and watch their babies during the ceremony and reception so they can come and go when they need.

Personally I would allow them to bring someone they are comfortable with to watch their infant. They can be out of sight but still at the venue and that way they would likely be more comfortable. I wouldn’t want a stranger watching my infant either.

View Quoted Comment I am aware of estimated due dates. But the one has a scheduled c-section. I know asking to not come is a friendship ending thing. But I feel like what I want for my day takes a back seat. Unfortunately, she is traveling to the wedding. So complicated... 😪😪

View Quoted Comment Yeah I think that it came off the wrong way. I do not expect someone to put their life on hold and it isn't my fault that covid postponed the wedding. If I can find another solution I'm up for it. I definitely don't mind too much about the reception, but the ceremony I don't want any interruptions. But all the etiquette reading I have done said to have a baby sitting service on site so the parents could tend the event and still tend to their children.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your opinion. I definitely agree with you on the entire post. But I wouldn't just pick anyone and I would let them talk to the sitter if need be. But I think my option is to have the dad watch the baby during the ceremony in the bridal suite. And just let the infant attend the reception. I just want an uninterrupted event that everyone can have fun and enjoy their time.

View Quoted Comment I just want to clarify I did not want it to seem that I wanted them to put their lives on hold. I just didn't want to give favor to other especially since my own niece won't be coming to the wedding either. And if we come up with a solution regarding care I'll be happy. The father might have to stay upstairs with the babies and not see the ceremony but come down during the reception.

View Quoted Comment I do not expect some to put their life on hold. And I had to postpone due to covid. I just wanted to help and make it easier for them.

Generally babies that young are exempt from a "no kids" rule because they might be breastfeeding as others mentioned above, and the parents may not trust a stranger to watch them. I would re-think it. This doesn't sound like some entitled Karens and it won't cost you any money since venues generally don't charge for babies (my venue only charges for age 3 and up).

View Quoted Comment Didn't mean to make it off putting. I do not expect anyone to put their lives on hold for me. But I didn't have a two year engagement by choice. Covid made us postpone it. I agree with your options thanks for helping.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for that option. I didn't think about it that way. I was just trying to help them, so they would enjoy their time. Thank you so much!

Your wedding, your wishes. I do understand her not wanting to leave her baby with a stranger...if she can not find a sitter she feels comfortable with looks like she cant be there. Sorry Not Sorry.

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Have you talked to them and worked out a compromise?

You are lucky these ladies are still committed to being in your wedding party so soon after birth. Especially the one traveling. Having a newborn and recovering from childbirth is a very individual, intense process. Please do not add to their stress. It is nice that you have offered to pay for childcare, but they are not obligated to use it. They are both entitled to do whatever they are most comfortable with regarding their new little ones. Even if that means baby wearing at the reception. I certainly think the dads can hang back with the babies during the ceremony so your vows are not interrupted.

View Quoted Comment I’m sure they appreciate your desire to help them but just consider how hard it will be for them to leave their infanta. Having someone they feel comfortable with taking care of them should ease their kind and allow them to enjoy the day. Please just be considerate of their situation.