Adult Only Wedding that has been known for 2 years

View Quoted Comment We had 13 under 15 months, 6 of them 6 weeks to 2 weeks. Plus 2 special care toddlers. We had a room we used as a nursery, at the venue, just as most churches and many venues do. ( We found out early on there was a local or county ordinance, no baby under 15 months could be left in a hotel or inn room with anyone not family or permanent nanny.) We hired a nurse, and child Care center teacher, and helpers. There was an open doorway , an arch, from the nursery to the hall, and hall to us 2 rooms down. We never heard them all night. Mom's, dad's and grandmothers came and went. The fathers of the two two weeks babies went there for the ceremony, thinking maybe they would go to part of the reception. After that half hour, they were first at ( non-alcoholic) cocktails. That was a rule WE made, neither mom's nor dad's, oand grandmoms could drink. It was very worth paying sitters, for you one sitter. When we told parents we wanted to do the wedding on our budget, that is something our parents picked up the cost of. Truly, 11 of the babies were ones whose weddings we had been in or to, in the previous 2 summers, and 2 were wedding party babies. Toddlers, walking, usually 25 months to 4 , are terrors at weddings sometimes. But babies , though they seen loud in a quiet house at night, are not an issue under 2 months in the next room. We heard no crying, they were well cared for and parents/ grandmothers could step in and see for themselves. Whatever your rule on children in general, infants usually under a year, are the usual exception.

It would be a good idea to consider having them step down as bridesmaids and just being in the audience if you're concerned that they will have to tend to their babies while fulfilling their duties. Having a newborn takes a lot of work, especially if you have to pull double duty as a mother and a bridesmaid. OR, still have them as bridesmaids and have their significant others take care of the babies. You can still have the no kids rule in place, while having them be the exception since it's YOUR DAY. In all, the less stress on all of you, the better.

Honestly I would be surprised if the c section woman still goes. That is a major surgery and takes 6 plus weeks to recover from.

View Quoted Comment I just told them yesterday so they are processing it. And will let me know.

View Quoted Comment I agree that comment didn't sit well with me either at all. People aren't expected to put their lives on hold just because she is getting married.

View Quoted Comment This is why I figured offering a sitter would be the best solution. She just doesn't want a stranger watching her baby. The babies would literally be like 20 steps away from everyone. I understand the concern. I was just trying to help and have proper etiquette.

View Quoted Comment That is what we might do. Is have a significant other watch the babies atleast for the ceremony.

I get it’s frustrating for you.
This is just one of those things that happen, life can be unpredictable. Travel with a newborn can be hard as well. Their bodies may not be ready for the dress, their feet may not feel good in dress shoes, there could be a variety of reasons that affect their being at the wedding that have nothing to do with their comfort with a babysitter.
Maybe a heart to heart, with an open mind, to discuss a game plan. Post childbirth often radically changes priorities, even for commitments made years in advance. Some new mothers experience a feeling of everyone wanting things from them (real or perceived), and may feel really conflicted about this obligation to you and her desire to not have someone care for here baby. She may be relieved to not be in the wedding. They may have a compromise you haven’t thought of.
I’ve known parents to “tag team” - one person goes to the wedding, one stays home. Or they switch off a couple of hours.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I totally agree. We will see how it ends up. I'm not, not into another solution. I'm thinking I will have to atleast have the significant other watch the babies during the ceremony. And allow them present for the reception. I feel that everyone asks me to accommodate the people with children. But it is mine and my husbands day in the end. If they come they come if they don't they don't. I respect either decision they make but I have to know sooner than later. I'd honestly be surprised if my matron of honor with a newborn comes. Seeing as it is her first and doesn't know how the prove will go. Thank you for understanding my stance. I appreciate it.

I don't have children myself yet but personally, I don't know who would actually want to tote a newborn baby to a wedding. If I were in the expectant mothers' shoes, I would be asking my mother to babysit and leave a good supply of pumped milk, but alas that is what I would do and may not mirror what your bridal party would prefer to do.

I think the best way to resolve this is to ask your bridal party what suits them, whether they would prefer to bring the children to the wedding, leave them home with family, or you hire a babysitter. Work with them rather than make assumptions and decisions on their behalf.

View Quoted Comment When I was pregnant and then nursing I declined plenty of invites - a couple weddings, dinner parties and so many “girls nights” because I was exhausted and knew I’d pay for it the next day. I figured everything has a season, and I would work to make plans with my friends that were more in tune to my life during those time.
I harbored no ill will towards friends and family who held adults only events, and I don’t think did towards me as well. If they did, that was on them.
Just communicate with them kindly and you’ll have the wedding you want and be able to preserve valuable friendships.

If you and your FH are set on no kids, then stick with that. No need to tiptoe around it or feel uncomfortable. Society (especially women) make any topic regarding “children” taboo. But it’s not. When people become parents, they understand that their lives change in many ways and often that means they can’t attend everything. So if that’s the case, it might mean these ladies step down from being bridesmaids. But these are decisions you’ll have to make.

We’re also having an adult wedding. Only our daughter will be walking with FH down the aisle and at the end the three of us will walk together. But there won’t be any other children. Even my teenage nieces we’re bummed. But we’re maintaining our decided upon guest list and our adult ceremony/reception

Baby sitting service is great during the party for kids like 4+... infant especially a newborn would need feedings and changes prob every hour and a half to two hours. Even if they don’t breastfeed they’d have to pump probably which will mean they’d need to leave the reception...
I am a very chill parent but I’d never leave a newborn w a stranger to go party. No way. Best friend relative doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t have to be a big thing. U r getting married and want certain things now ur friends r having babies and they have their limitations and that’s ok.

I have a 20 month old. Children that young should always be an exception from the no kids rule. Infants sleep literally all day. If they are breast feeding you are putting them in a difficult position. I’d never let a random stranger watch my daughter. Not to be rude or anything but if I was a bridesmaid and was about to have an infant and I was told this I’d probably never speak to that person again. The fact that you said they knew the date before being pregnant shows a complete disregard for them.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with these 3 options. I opted for #2 for my wedding because 3 of my BM will have newborns and it's only a guest list of 40, so I didn't think it would be great to have 3 newborns at such an intimate ceremony/dinner. Also, we were already at max capacity so the room literally wouldn't allow it. I was totally at peace with the fact that some might not be able to attend because their child comes before my wedding.

All 3 of them ended up, on their own, opting for #3 which makes me super happy. Win-win for everyone.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree with you. Especially during covid times why would you bring a newborn. I don't have children either. But we will have to figure out an option. And hopefully sooner than later. Thank you for your feedback and understanding.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your feedback. I totally agree. Why do I have to accommodate to your life decisions? This is my problem is I look like a monster to people but when I said they have known for two years. Means they have known for two years and will have to make proper accommodations for what they are comfortable with while respecting my decision. I hope we figure it out.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your advice. Definitely words to live by.

View Quoted Comment Yes, totally agree. I was just trying to help. Now we get to have discussions about what will work for them.