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Expert March 2018

Addressing Guest Attire for Wedding?

PrettyinPink, on December 28, 2017 at 1:51 PM

I was planning on leaving off anything like - "Formal Attire" or "Black Tie Optional" on my invites, but my FMIL thinks I should include it. I am against putting black tie optional on the invites because 1) it comes off as rude and 2) grooms/groomsmen are wearing navy suits so it seems contradicting. I'm sure most sensible people will wear a dark color suit to an evening spring wedding at an upscaled hotel? I think she wants to include it because she knows a few people on her ex-husband's side would be the type of people to show up in khakis/jeans and a polo. What are your thoughts? I know we cannot control what our guests wear and that isn't my intent...but would people be that silly?

I am completely against putting blacktop optional, but would it look silly to put "formal attire". We did indicate "formal" attire on our website (the knot.com), but a lot of the older guests won't utilize the website that much. Thanks!

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103 Comments

Master July 1867
OGJessieJV · on December 28, 2017 at 3:54 PM
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You can't.

Also, read the quotes to figure out whom I'm reacting to.

Also, no names were called? Unless there's a new one I don't know about.
Master June 2016
Sarah · on December 28, 2017 at 3:55 PM
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Who called you a name?

Per the new CGs, you can’t delete threads?
Master July 2017
A. L. · on December 28, 2017 at 3:56 PM
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If you are new here, and there seem to be a TON of new people here, please read the actual community guidelines before you flag something.
Master June 2016
Sarah · on December 28, 2017 at 3:56 PM
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If I could edit my comment I’d fix that second question mark. It wasn’t a question. You can’t delete threads.
Master July 1867
OGJessieJV · on December 28, 2017 at 3:56 PM
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That's what I'm trying to figure out...
Savvy October 2018
KaleeKins · on December 28, 2017 at 3:57 PM
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I wasn't pointing out flaws in anyone's argument. You referred me to a some book from 1875 to try to educate me like I am some child, about the color of a suit. I simply stated that I did not need to be educated. I sincerely appreciate the lesson attempt, but I already did my time in school and received my masters. I don't need lessons on the internet about the color of a suit.
Master July 1867
OGJessieJV · on December 28, 2017 at 3:58 PM
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You asked a question, I answered. You made a choice on how to take that. I'm sorry that your time in school wasn't diverse.
Master June 2016
Sarah · on December 28, 2017 at 4:00 PM
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But you actually told us to point you to a source regarding the formality of certain colors.
Savvy October 2018
KaleeKins · on December 28, 2017 at 4:01 PM
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And I am sorry that you feel you have the right to educate people without proper certifications.
Savvy October 2018
KaleeKins · on December 28, 2017 at 4:02 PM
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I didn't ask you anything. I asked AL who is always the voice of reason, apparently.
VIP May 2017
Runawaybride · on December 28, 2017 at 4:05 PM
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I personally put the website URL right on the face of my invite. “For more information, please visit www....” or whatever. Seemed easiest at the time, but others may have better suggestions if you don’t like that. I’m also one who will google the venue if the name of the venue is on the invite.

I did have guests contact me and ask what they should wear. I replied by saying people are welcome to wear whatever they can party hardest in! 😂 But I would also
add, “well, the groomsmen are wearing light gray suits, my dad is wearing a dark suit, but not a tux...” etc. I tried to avoid telling people what to wear or using a specific term, while also being helpful to those who were asking for guidance.

TBH, I don’t remember what a single one of my guests was wearing at this point. Our wedding was over six months ago—can you still see that info on my screen name? I’ve been away for awhile and I came back to a lot of changes on this website.
Master July 1867
OGJessieJV · on December 28, 2017 at 4:14 PM
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I’m sorry, you didn’t @ and on the Internet that means an open question for all.
Master July 1867
OGJessieJV · on December 28, 2017 at 4:17 PM
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Also, you have no idea what kind of backwater hick I am or what degrees I hold. You also know nothing of my background which is really rather diverse.
Master March 2018
Orchids · on December 28, 2017 at 4:24 PM
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Well, this escalated quickly.
OP, stick with your original plan to leave it off.
Dedicated April 2018
RG3 · on December 28, 2017 at 5:09 PM
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Offended much? There is nothing wrong with khakis. I was talking about the t-shirt and sweatpants wears, but if brand logos and shirts with sayings on them are what your go for at your wedding, go right on ahead and be satisfied with that. We all have less privileged people in the family, they still have nice clothes. Honestly for our wedding, we are paying for the suit rents/dresses for parents and grandparents. Not that they can't afford it, or don't have nice clothes, but we want to do something nice for them so they don't stress and we want a uniform look for the family photos, and that is important to us. Obviously, you don't care about that, so - you do you. Just sharing my thoughts and conclusions to help her out.
VIP January 2018
KatieMBY · on December 28, 2017 at 5:32 PM
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To the newbies:

READ THE CG’S and stop telling users not to post, to leave a post, and flagging people for irrelevant things. If you come to WW to ask a question, expect mixed responses and know that you won’t always be told everything you want to hear. This is an etiquette forum! ADULTS will dress how they feel is necessary for a wedding. End of story. 🙄
Master July 2018
Cuoghi · on December 28, 2017 at 5:34 PM
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Https://www.brides.com/story/wedding-dress-code-explained

http://emilypost.com/advice/attire-guide-dress-codes-from-casual-to-white-tie/
Black tie optional is a thing.
Master July 1867
OGJessieJV · on December 28, 2017 at 5:39 PM
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Lol, no it isn’t. It’s either Black Tie or White Tie, and it’s a part of a series of things within a function. Have you been to a proper Black Tie event?
Expert June 2018
Aly · on December 28, 2017 at 5:45 PM
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I’d go with your gut and leave off the dress code. It doesn’t sound like it’s truly a “black tie optional” affair anyway.

Expert March 2018
PrettyinPink · on December 28, 2017 at 5:49 PM
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I don’t know where people keep getting the idea that I was trying to put black tie optional. I get it is not a black tie event. I said, “formal attire”. I said in my post that I thought putting black tie on the invites was silly, but my FMIL insisted on it. I think people need to read the post all the way through before they comment. It’s still a formal event (regardless of the navy suit ordeal and people thinking its only business attire), but yes, it’s no black tie.