Actual Start time vs. Invitation Start Time

In this case, etiquette is VERY black and white. Lying to your guests and putting an incorrect ceremony time is a violation of etiquette, period.

If for some reason I got delayed getting to a wedding ceremony on time I would either wait in my car or stand at the very back so I wouldn't cause a distraction before entering. I think pretty much any wedding guest who has a clue would do the same. Start your wedding on time and don't punish those who did show up on time.

... I don't know what the argument is here. Each wedding and set of guest is different. Too some families starting late may be annoying but in my family it's almost expected. You cannot fight over etiquette when that differs from place to place. Everyone can do whatever they want for THEIR wedding. So if you want to start right on time regardless of who is there, more power to you. As for my wedding, I know that it will start 15 minutes after the time on the invitation. If the early comers are so "pissed" about this then maybe they will forego a free dinner and an open bar because nobody wants a bitter person around at a celebration... just my opinion on the subject.

Tiana, as soon as you invite 100 people to an event, it is not just about YOU. You may not be able to make them all completely happy, but you can certainly do your best to be a good host and not make them wait around for an extra 30 mins because you lied about your start time. If you want the entire wedding to be only about you then I suggest eloping.

Tiana, you don't write "Celebration starts at ..." You just give the time of the wedding (and reception to follow).

The idea is that you tell your guests what time your wedding is, and assume they will be on time. Instruct your venue to prevent latecomers from interrupting your ceremony. Assume the best of your guests (that they will arrive on time and not be rude), and if they ARE late, then they suffer the consequences of being rude (and miss your ceremony or stand in the back and wait instead of interrupting).

Our wedding will start within 5 minutes of the time on our invitation. If people are late, they can't come to the ceremony. A great story, my former parish in New Jersey, was visited by then President Garfield. He showed up 10 minutes late and they told him he couldn't come in. He came back, the next week, on time. That's the way we roll in the Episcopal Church.

Apparently I'm horribly rude because I'm stating the ceremony time 15 minutes before the actual start, but we will not be starting 1 minute late. It just basically says 1:15 PM, so I figured that would give people 15 minutes to sit down. We may also start the ring blessing ceremony during this time though and people come in so it's not completely like they're just standing there waiting. I think if you have an earlier invitation time, it really should not be anymore than 15 minutes, unless that's normal in your area/culture.

I also don't really understand what the argument is here, because I think "time" is also a very cultural thing haha.

Edit: Also mine's inside and it's not in the summer so waiting for a few minutes wouldn't be uncomfortable.

Well, we will just have to agree to disagree lol. I would never make people stand around outside in the heat even for 5 minutes. I'm avoiding a summer reception for this exact reason - and paying more for it. Obviously you want to use common sense for your own wedding and planning. You really can't make a blanket statement, and that is not what I am saying at all either. I think that is the core of my problem with most wedding "etiquette" and will never blindly follow it.

@Sasha B. - thanks, I may end up using similar wording. The lake is so nice at the time of year of our wedding and I want people to be able to enjoy it.

If you need any help just send me PM. I can show you my invite so you can see exact wording It was along the lines of sasha bertolini and adam harrison invite you to share in a celebration of love .... so on and so fourth

and i know what you mean! we are getting married at a huge forest like park that has a huge suspension bridge and quite a few other things to see. its a huge tourist attraction here in vancouver so we want people to enjoy it!

I live in ny and norm is to have half hour buffer. I only been to 1 wedding in my life and that was over 25 years ago so I was surprised to hear of this buffer til I started meeting with venues. Also I know majority of my guests are late for everything so the half hour buffer will apply. Those I know are always on time, I will tell them what real time is. Whether I marry in church or venue, I plan on having a harpist and violinist play a variety of music as guests enter and be provided refreshments if possible. The ceremony start time to me doesn't necessarily mean I have to start walking down the aisle at that time. A ceremony can start with music, singing, maybe family members greeting guests or priest/reverend saying a prologue or even have an emcee or warm up comedienne saying some jokes to entertain guests til bride is ready to walk down aisle. I would also have a program that lists how ceremony is going to go and how long each section lasts, this way guests know what is happening and know what the schedule is and bride can't be accused of starting late bc the ceremony did start on time, it started with music, etc, and the finale was the bride walking down aisle and officiant pronouncing husband and wife.

My invitations were for a 5:30pm ceremony, but I knew I would be starting at 6pm. I know this is frowned upon, but I made up for this by making sure I had an awesome fun pianist/singer and "Welcome Drinks". People were able to have a laid back enjoyable time mixing and mingling with drinks and music until we started at 6pm. I didn't hear ONE COMPLAINT from those were actually showed up on time. :-)

I think the majority of us are NOT independently wealthy...we have JOBS...and we have to be at said jobs ON TIME. I do not "get" how people are saying it is the "norm" to be late? There are tons of things you CANNOT be late for...work, doctor's appointments, and...weddings. LOL That is why "He/She will be late to his own funeral/wedding" is a saying! Because it is RUDE.

Put your starting time as the time you will have SOMETHING starting...be it cocktails, seating, boarding, or the ceremony itself. We have a place out here that marries people...and they also have public tours. (Bridal cave) If you are not there on time...you will NOT get to the ceremony. Because a tour is starting within 10 minutes after the WP has started.

I was once given the "family" invitation to a wedding that said it started fully two hours before it actually did because the family was always late. I was the first person to arrive, on my own, and sat around for two hours waiting with some members of the family who had received the same invitation and arrived on time which was all quite awkward and embarrassing.

On our invitations we put the ceremony start time - people know they need to be there before that.

I think you just agree to disagree on this one. Having been AT THE BEGINNING of roughly 1000 weddings, I can tell you that most of them start late to some degree, and rarely is it because the couple was late (it's never because I was late). People who are on time to work are not always on time in their leisure events. Would I love it if that were true? You have no idea how much I'd love it. The musicians would love it; the venue would love it.

No one is a bigger time freak than I am; I hate starting a ceremony late, and I'm never late myself. (Very often I just can't start late.) Add to that that in NYC/North Jersey, your average reception costs a billion dollars, and beginning 20 minutes after your stated start time can cost about 1200.00, because you are not going to get to add that on at the end. It can take forever to get over a bridge, find a cab or park, even with the best intentions.

Half of this is knowing your guests and area, and half is making a decision and sticking to it. If your guests are all on time, then tell them the truth and be prepared to start when you said you will; if someone misses it, they miss it. If a giant chunk of your list is late for everything (and I bet you know exactly who those people are right now, because they are late to everything) or you have shuttle busses (I wait for these pretty much every week) or they have to walk from the parking lot over the river and through the woods, then add some time.

I have two terrific printouts on this that I send with my contracts; they were written with several of my officiant friends. They are called, "How to have your wedding start on time", and if you contact me through wedding wire, I'm happy to send them to you.

But stop fighting, lol.....what works for some groups and areas does not work for others. And no one is advising to have guests standing out in the hot sun for a half hour (or the ceremony, but that's another post)

I'm getting married in a church and don't have the option of running late since we have to be off the premises by a certain time so they can set up for the evening mass. However I am NOT going to make my guests wait 15-30 min in hard uncomfortable pews just so a few stragglers don't miss the show. Anyone who comes in late will just have to wait while my fluffy white butt gets down the aisle, then they can sneak in behind while everyone gives them dirty looks.

I agree that starting late is rude to the people who arrived early or on time. I put my exact start time on the invite. If people can't manage to make it on time then they'll miss it.

No, we didn't include any fluff time. The fluff comes in with me and the bridesmaids starting earlier than we need to when it comes to getting ready simply so we can avoid being late for the ceremony. We're also giving the guys 30-45 minutes of lee way. In other words, I need them all ready by 3, so I'm telling them to be at the venue to get ready by 2.

Oh heck yes I will be putting a different time. With Viet weddings (I'm Viet, FH is Filipino and were having 2 weddings since hes from Chicago), only close family attend the ceremony in the morning and everyone else shows up at the reception. ASIAN PEOPLE ALWAYS SHOW UP AT LEAST AN HOUR LATE! We're telling Asian people to come at 6 and American people to come at 7. I know people are gonna say its rude but it's the only way we can get people in and then serve dinner on time. Granted we'll tell all out Asian guest to come at 6, they'll probably show up at 730 anyways.

Edit for Info...from what i've seen, Asian people only show up late to Asian weddings where they just go to the reception because they know that as people come in, the guest takes a pic with the bride and groom where as they don't with an American wedding

I am using the actual start time on my invitations. FH and I are getting ready at the hotel and have agreed that as long as he, the officiant (FH's father) and I are there we are starting at 5 PM (which is the start time on the invitation). Guests that arrive late will have to wait until after the processional to be seated. To deal with any late bridal party members I am having the rehearsal the day of the wedding and then have lunch and then have everyone finish getting ready with us.

We're using the actual start time. If people come late they come late - I'm not going to worry myself about it on my wedding day!