Actual Start time vs. Invitation Start Time

I don't think building in padding to your schedule is lying. Especially if the doors to the venue are open, ushers are greeting people and drinks are being served. Technically, the event has started and now guests don't have to rush to their seats.

If none of your guests are rude enough to be late for your wedding, than this isn't an issue; invite for 2:00 and start at 2:00 no matter who is or is not there. It's important for everyone to be on the same page; I've had venues assume that the start time isn't really the start time and hold the ceremony, especially if your ceremony is short.

Here, almost no one does that; I would imagine there is as much regional and cultural variation as in other issues like cash bars and dollar dances.

And instruct your venue not to let latecomers into the ceremony once the music has begun. Yes, I've seen it, between the bridesmaids.

I wrote an article about this for the NY Times a couple of years ago. If you're going to go to the expense and emotional turmoil of carefully planning a day where you should call the shots, you deserve the courtesy of being able to start on time, and I'd love to see everyone do it without having to resort to padding start times. Only you can predict what your guests will do and how you'll react to it on the day.

@Tiana sooo you are serving drinks and telling people to be there a half hour before it starts...and most people will be early for when you lied and told them your ceremony starts...good luck with the drunk people at your ceremony

Not that Tianas guests are going to be drunk... but i would prefer a couple tipsy guests over late ones interrupting my ceremony

I think I'm going to add the fifteen minutes of fluff time.. it's not as dramatic as a half hour. This way if there is a ton of traffic, and since down here its because the sun is tooo bright or something ridiculous like that.

I would rather a couple late guests slipping in the back than having most of my guests pissed off before my wedding even starts

I guess it just depends on the guest list. We are inviting only very close friends and family, therefore I don't really think they would be mad for waiting..probably just extremely happy they get to spend our special day with us.

But.....we're okay with guests being rude to the couple? Which is what showing up late is, and I can tell you that it happens, in varying degrees, all the time.

No one is going to get drunk in a half hour; they probably won't be there for the half hour anyway. They'll be moved to the ceremony space about 10 minutes before, so we're talking about 15-20 tops.

Or put on the invite, "ceremony starts promptly at 2:00" and be ready to start, come hell or high water, no matter who's not there. Nothing wrong with that, but for many groups, that just never flies.

There is a HUGE difference in putting the time that you can start seating, or boarding a yacht, or having tea & crumpets....PRIOR to the ceremony starting....than outright fluffing up the time of when the actual ceremony will start. If I am invited to a wedding at 3:00...I do not wait until 3:00 to pull into the parking lot...I probably am arriving at 2:30 to 2:45 so I can get a seat I want....based on the CEREMONY STARTING at 3. But if you are doing pre-ceremony stuff...then, put your pre-ceremony activities time as your start time.

Rude to start the ceremony later than the time on the invite, or rude to arrive late to the ceremony and walk in on the vows?

Good for you if you are planning on coming to the ceremony early. The majority of my guests will come late. I know them well. Also, traffic around my venue is horrible. Also, the majority of my guests are notorious yakkers. The majority rules.

Those are enough factors for me to start half-hour later than what is on my invites.

@Shannon A and BoxingBride, calm down. Geez, no one is telling you to have an earlier start time, we are just saying that we know our guests and this is our plan. Unless you're on our guest lists, what does it have to do with you?

So if I don't put "Ceremony starts at 4pm" on my invitation I am not lying then? Is it really semantics that are tripping you up? What if my invite just says the celebration begins at 4pm? I am not being sarcastic here - currently designing my invitations and the wording for them.

Also, I don't see how it is punishment either. It's not like I'm putting guests that arrive early timeout or making them que up outside. I would invite them in for refreshments and mingling. Some of you make it sound like it's a chore to attend a wedding.

If people get drunk in 30 minutes, well then they were bound to be an issue at some point in the evening anyway lol. Nothing can be done about that.

We have a pre-ceremony cocktail hour starting an hour before the ceremony to address this problem. And if people aren't there on time, then we will begin. We have to get in our sunset photos after the ceremony!

I would only allow it to be 15 minutes after what is put on the invitation. I am planning on starting 15 minutes after the time I have on the invitations just because our venue is in a small town an hour away form any other major city. Aside from us and my grandparents no one else has been there and I want to be sure that if they are running a little late from being early they can hopefully still make it on time.

@Tiana I put join for a celebration of love and then the start time for 4 pm. the ceremony will begin at 4:30!

It's poor etiquette to put "ceremony starts at 4pm" on an invitation. You simply put the time. Unless it's a situation like mentioned above where boarding a boat is necessary, people are smart enough to understand that the time on the wedding invitation is when the processional starts.

@ Fluffy, have you ever read the posts about "worst weddings you've been to?" half of those posts include "the ceremony started x amount of time late. I hate when the bride is late." you are setting yourself up for that. Plus, OP asked "would it be bad if I put that the ceremony starts at 12 or 12:15?" so we are answering that question with a yes.

Tiana, you are speaking as though ALL weddings host cocktails and food before the ceremony starts. They do not. I have never been to a wedding in which drinks and food were served before the ceremony. Most have been in churches or outdoors where your arrive, find your seat, and sit and WAIT. I have waited for half an hour at an outdoor ceremony in sweltering heat in the middle of July. And yes, it was miserable. It started a half hour late and then the ceremony was 45 mins for a total of an hour and fifteen minutes in 90 degree heat. Not pleasant.

I find it very rude to provide an invite time earlier than the actual start time. It punishes guests who are on time and, yes, it is lying.

If you are serving drinks and food, then fine, go ahead and put the time those will start being served on the invite.

I agree with everything that Emily just said.

And I am disagreeing with you. I think it's a good idea if you want things to go according to plan and know people arriving late will delay or disrupt that plan.

People are going to complain about any number of things. There is no way to make 100 people happy and you'll make yourself crazy if you try. This day, that is supposed to be yours, should not be the day that you try to make them happy. It should be the day you are happy, and if ensuring you start on time makes you happy, then plan accordingly.

I agree that you shouldn't make guests stand outside in the heat, I already said that. I am not making a blanket statement here. Just saying that "etiquette" is not so black and white.