Absent Bridesmaids

Yes @Amanda we are so horrible here!! *rolls eyes* sorry OP but this is your wedding and yours and your partner's responsibility to plan. If your bridal party offers, great! But they are not getting paid so this is not their job.

I didn't say you specifically mandi but interestingly enough, you're getting defensive. * scratches chin*

Never said you named me specifically. And honestly, I could care less about your opinion of me. I have no reason to need to be defensive. I don't have to deal with the fallout if you and OP fire your bridesmaids for being horrible people, you do. A good tip to remember: be careful where you point fingers because there are always three pointing back at you!

What kind of support does someone need when they're planning a party?

No @Amanda, the only rude comment was the one made by OP regarding "firing" her bridesmaids like they are her employees.

If someone can t handle the opinions of strangers, then coming on an internet forum for advice is not the best option. Just because we don't agree with what you or OP says, doesn't make us keyboard warriors.

Jd so she used the word "fire". Stop playing on her words. Everyone knew what she was saying. I don't get why get on her for how she worded it? Look at the post as a whole. Whether she used "fire" "drop" "kick out", what have you, stop nit picking and focus on the question as a whole.

We are focusing on the question as a whole. The answer is still the same- don't do it, it's rude!

The question as a whole was how to handle the situation where she had to do all the work on her own for a party that she chose to have because her friends "make excuses" for why they can't help plan a party that they have no obligation to do anything for.

How to handle it: Get over it. How much someone cares about your wedding =/= how much they care about you as a person.

All of us focused on the question as a whole-

Plan your own wedding and get over it. Thats the consensus. Don't like it? Don't ask for the advice of internet strangers.

Hannah:

Please ignore all of the people saying "the only duty of a bridesmaid is to buy a dress and show up". Particularly for the Maid or Matron of Honor. Look up any etiquette guide for the MOH duties and there is way more than just buy a dress and show up. I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. Perhaps try to let it slide with general bridesmaids but try asking for more help from your MOH. You can't force someone to help you more but perhaps you can explain to her how much her help would mean to you. If she's not willing or available to do it not much more you can do but have a heart to heart and you may be surprised. In the end you have to just suck it up and do stuff yourself or see if you can get some help from your Mom or another female family member.

Below are 2 examples of MOH duties. I'm really not sure where all of these people are getting the whole "your only duty is to get a dress and show up thing". Especially not for a MOH.

https://www.realsimple.com/weddings/weddings-planning/maid-honor-checklist

https://www.google.com/amp/www.theknot.com/content/amphtml/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail

Also pointing out that there were no rude comments. And OP asked how she should handle the situation, PP told her that she should handle it by letting it go since they do not need to help with anything and she should turn to FH for help if she needs it. Seemed pretty helpful to me.

That list from The Knot is ridiculous. I am not micromanaging adults about getting their dress altered or making sure they get to the rehearsal or wedding on time. I am not going to address invitations because it's not my wedding. I'm not playing hostess or directing any guests anywhere because again, it's not my wedding and I don't work for the venue. Your bridesmaids are honored guests, not people working the event. I can't even imagine what I'd say if my friend actually expected me to do most of the things on that list. And yes, I'm organizing a shower and bachelorette, but because I WANT to, I was not TOLD to.

@shaybird -Janae, when I think of someone being there to support or be a friend to me, my mind doesn't go to some superficial shit like them helping plan my and FH's wedding or a stupid wedding event

My wedding Is far from a "stupid wedding event and I'm sure others don't feel their event(s) are stupid. Although my wedding is a year out I already have bridesmaids and we're constantly working and doing wedding related things together because of the friendships and bond that we have and want to SUPPORT and HELP each other. I think the "Show up in a dress" is the stupidest rule for a wedding. Maybe I just value my friendships differently from everyone else

Anyone else dying laughing at Shana's "etiquette" sources.

You choose those nearest and dearest to you to stand beside you on your wedding day. Not who can help you plan your wedding the best.

I whole heartedly agree with you @janae

If anyone expects all the things on Shana's list from the knot, they should be paying their MOH. FTS. Get over yourself. Plan your own wedding. Treat your friends like friends and not employees.

Put yourself in one of these bridesmaids shoes. How would you feel if someone you thought was your friend told you that you were out of her wedding because you weren't doing enough for her? I will tell you from experience it sucks! I was removed from the bridal party of what I thought was one of my best friends because my brother decided to schedule his wedding the day before hers and I wasn't going to choose between them! She was too worried about her pictures and "vision" in the event that my travel plans that day were delayed to consider the feelings of a friend. It still stings to this day and our relationship has never been the same...

Melissa B... where did I say that you should boss your friends around? Please cut and paste my quote on that? Can't find it? That's right because I never said you should boss your friends around. I suggested OP talk to her MOH about it and if it didn't work let it go. I was the MOH for my current MOH and we both helped each other/are helping each other with numerous wedding activities. So my current situation is working out just great for me thanks

K.M. I'm kind of dying laughing at your lack of etiquette sources? Got any or just your opinion from a forum