Absent Bridesmaids

No advice to offer. Just wanted to say that while it may not be a requirement to do more than show up with a dress, many BMs do actually do more than just show up on the day of and it sucks that your friends let you down when you needed support.

Fire them? Are they being paid to be a part of your wedding, or are they most likely paying for a dress, shoes, accessories among other thing for the day of that they would normally not need? They are possibly taking a day or multiple days off of work to be with you. So expecting anything more is in my personal opinion kind of selfish. They have one job which is to show up in said dress semi sober and stand next to you in support nothing else should be expected and if they offer anything more you should consider yourself blessed.

Have fh help with some tasks mine loves when I give him small jobs he feels involved, and when you're feeling overwhelmed take a step back and remember in the end you will be just as married so just enjoy it! Definitely don't let it ruin friendships you have most likely had for years by blowing up on people.

@MiniMe I clearly state it was not a requirement, but the fact is many BMs do step up and help out because, presumably, they are friends with the bride and that is what friends do. It's not a requirement of being a BM, and even with friends, I would not expect help. But if my so called friends can't once at least lend an ear for moral support or help out (help out, not be servants) once in awhile, or organize a token night out on the town (or at least ask if I wanted a night out), I would feel let down, so yes, OPs friends let her down and it sucks.

To all those who said the BMs job is to show up in dress and semi-sober, I would just say you are lying if you say that if your BMs showed up drunk, you wouldn't be royally pissed. The least they can do if they don't do anything else is wait to get toasted until the reception.

I don't get why everyone is saying that their only obligation is to just show up with their dress on the wedding day. I completely get what the bride is saying. Yes it's not their job to help plan the wedding but by accepting the invite to be in the wedding they should at least be communicating with her and offering some sort of support during the process. Especially the maid of honor. If not what's the point of having a wedding party. She's probably overwhelmed and stressed out.

@sarah royally pissed about what? These are my loved ones and I fully expect them to have an amazing day as I am expecting to have, and if it takes them a few drinks to accomplish that then have at it! I am not expecting anyone to plan a party in my honor or be my glitter covered slaves and my fh is my planning support system so I do not expect their ear for that either. I truly hope that my BP has an amazing day if not the best day on our wedding day because they have all already given so much to be there. It is not cheap to accept a BP position and I know most of ours are traveling and finding sitters so I can only speak for myself when I say that no I would definitely not be pissed if they walked down the aisle a tad tipsy because I am honored they are standing next to us in the first place!

'To all those who said the BMs job is to show up in dress and semi-sober, I would just say you are lying if you say that if your BMs showed up drunk, you wouldn't be royally pissed. The least they can do if they don't do anything else is wait to get toasted until the reception. '

Semi sober is not drunk. I fully expect my bm and I will have a champagne before the ceremony thus she will not be sober but she will most certainly not be drunk. Of course you would be pissed if your bm showed up drunk.

First @Bethany...no one was rude!

Second, Jenae, just no

Third, your bridesmaids job is to purchase the dress and show up on time for your wedding. It is not up to them to do anything other than that. Planning, making favors, helping with diy projects, shopping for your wedding dress...is all on you, not them!

My BMs only job is to find a dress in the color I chose and send me their picture for the website. Nothing else.

Maybe stop treating your guests of honor like unpaid employees and they'd wanna help you? Just sayin.

What the hell are you wanting your bridesmaids to do? You are not entitled to anything just because you asked some girls to stand next to you for an hour during a ceremony. You do not automatically get a shower or bachelorette party nor should you ask them to plan any part of your wedding.

Also, your "emotional support" should come from your FH no one else. No one wants to spend hundreds of dollars to be in a wedding and then listen to your emotional, whiny bullshit or help you create centerpieces.

Before someone pops in and says that bridesmaids are supposed to help since "maid" is in the title, let me just point out that bridesmaids originally dressed like the bride (hence the tradition of them wearing identical attire) to confuse evil spirits that were there to sabotage the couple on the wedding day. "Maids" is in there because these women were unmarried (maidens).

I am sure you can do it. There are plenty of people without Bridal parties and they get the planning all done. You got this!

I would say the vast majority of people on here are planning their wedding all on their own with help of FS, not just you. Maybe go for a run or walk to calm down. This is going to be your day! It gets stressful but you need to learn how to manage it and not let it ruin the day you have been dreaming of for all your life

I know it stinks that they aren't helping as much as you feel they should, but they do have their own lives. They are not required to do anything but buy the dress & show up on time! If you're feeling stressed, try asking one of them to just hang out, not wedding related!

My BM haven't really been there for me or act happy for me. Their excuse is that ever since I got engaged they have just considered me "unavailable". my MOH has been supportive and helpful at least. If they don't want to be a part of anything then leave them alone. They can suit themselves and you and your FH will do great

I wouldn't expect my friends to give up their free time and come help me craft things or put stuff together for any normal every day thing, so I extra wouldn't expect it for my wedding where everything needs to be more precise and matching

I'm confused by these posts that I see people make ( there are plenty like yours)... I know that WW says the only things a bridesmaid needs to do is but an dress and show up sober. I both agree and disagree to an extent.. I believe bridesmaids are supposed to support you help keep you can the day of, and they can help with whatever they offer to.. a lot of bridesmaids expect to help with something here and there.. but as far as getting mad at them if they can't, that's the part I'm confused about. It's your wedding not theirs! I have 2 out of state bridesmaids that can't help with anything and one that can't be there for my DW (she will be there for my at Home Reception) but it doesn't make them any less my friends or mean that I should no longer include them in my bridal party..

What do you expect of your bridesmaids?

It's funny I see so many posts of bridesmaids/Moh not helping with planning, in the meantime my MOH keeps asking me shouldn't we be doing something for the wedding. My response is ummm nah not really got it covered with FH, u know the person who's wedding it is also.

It's weird I guess to want to plan your wedding with the person you're marrying.

If they've offered help & they're not helping then maybe speak to them about it but as long as they show up in the correct dress. Let it go & plan on.

You can't expect anyone to help you just because you've asked them to be a bridesmaid. I had six bridesmaids, four of which lived in other states/countries, and it wasn't an issue at all for me to plan my own wedding.

Umm, first of all it's your wedding, they don't need to help you plan anything. Secondly, they aren't required to shower you at all, only if they want too. Lastly, you don't FIRE your bridesmaids, they aren't employees. I'm not surprised they aren't communicating with you.