Absent Bridesmaids

What do you need help with? Wedding planning should all be on you and your FH

Their only "duty" is to show up to the wedding with the agreed upon dress. They are not obligated to attend anything else or plan your party. That's the job of you and your fiancé. The position of bridesmaid and maid of honor is meant to honor your loved ones, not for them to become your slaves. People have their own lives and no one will be as excited for your wedding as you are.

My bridesmaids haven't made any actions or plans for a bridal shower and I honestly do not care. It won't make me any less married when our day comes! My motto is plan for the worst and hope for the best. It's worked so far. My advice is to not expect anything from them, that way if they come around and help a little you will be pleasantly surprised.

Hello Hannah. ^^These rude comments are absolutely no help and I'm sorry. It is very unfortunate that your bridesmaids aren't very helpful. Honestly I don't think there is much to do but tell them that you feel overwhelmed and explain how you want your wedding day to be. The most important thing about wedding planning I think is having fun and not being stressed. It's an important day yes, but what is more important is every day after, that you get to spend with your husband. Congratulations and best wishes!

My bridesmaids haven't done anything for my wedding, but that's because I never asked them to. It's my wedding, and if I need help planning or anything, I have FH help do it. Your bridesmaids aren't obligated to throw you a shower. If they offer, that's great, but they don't have to. They have their own lives too.

My advice for your situation? Enlist the help of your FH. It's not just your wedding. It's his too, and he should be helping. Don't force your bridesmaids to do anything if they don't want to help or throw a shower.

Bethany, literally no one was rude. OP shouldn't expect her friends to help her plan her wedding.

@Bethany nobody was being rude to her at all.

I see two questions, a description of what is required of a bridesmaid, posters giving advice based on their own experience, and one hell of a generalizing reach.

Not one ounce of rudeness whatsoever, Bethany.

Bethany, no-one was rude. At all. In addition, did you know that by validation of the OP's feelings of "poor me" is going to make it worse? She's going to feel like she's right to be angry about the perceived lack of support, and it WILL cloud the happiness of her day. If we help her to let it go, guess what happens? She realizes that the expectations were too high, and that her friends are actually fine. Those are way better responses than sympathizing with her unrealistic idea of what her wedding party should be doing.

Not one rude comment.

Bridesmaids are not actual maids. Plan your own wedding. They have to show up dressed and sober.

@jacks so true. Last thing we want is for OP to turn into a bridezilla and snap at all her bridesmaids on her wedding day. I was a bridesmaid at my friends wedding and she snapped at me... she was pissy the whole morning. It took EVERY ounce of strength in me to not snap at her back, but instead hold my tongue and let her enjoy her day. It left ME feeling a little agitated at her afterwards because I had to keep my thoughts to myself. We don't want that for OP or her bridesmaids.

Just do everything yourself, They are clearly not interested in providing free labor and are not obligated to do so. If there's too much to handle on your own, get your FH to help you or hire someone.

@CL Well exactly. That's why we try and make comments that reach above the level of just sympathizing. It may seem blunt but it's for a worthy purpose. Hopefully this poster goes away with a more realistic idea of what is acceptable in terms of wedding party participation. Newer posters are quick to call us rude though.

Im not sure whats considered proper protocol but my MOH is wonderful yes FH and i planned the wedding but MOH and BMs are helping me make the favors and centerpieces before i leave (moving to another state 2 months b4 the wedding) they're giving me a bridal shower and bachelorette party yes they have their own lives work,school,kids, and husbands...didnt realize i got lucky

While the PP were not rude they were not very helpful. I think when people choose their bridesmaids they choose "friends" with the expectation that they will be there to support them and just be a friend along the way. I reccomend OP that you talk to them and let them know how you feel or simply ask them for help.

@janae but she already said she asked them for help and they are always busy. Why encourage her to practically beg her friends for help? Ask once, and if they say no then don't ask again. That's being kinda desperate.

Did I read that correctly? "fire"? Wtf?? They are not your employees!

Number one: Unless your bridesmaids are on your payroll, there is no such thing as "firing" them.

Number two: No one is as excited about your wedding as you. You chose to get married, it is your responsibility to plan it and organize it. Or the other option is to hire a wedding planner. If that isn't an option, you and FH are on your own with planning.

These women have their own lives to tend to, and your wedding is likely not a priority. They bought a dress & are showing up sober, or something like that... they have done their "duties". Be a friend first and a bride second. Don't treat them like props.

ETA: words.

Etiquette says that BP just have to show up in the outfit on the wedding day.

If they offer help, that's one thing, but they may have bigger or more important things in their life to plan than their wedding.

@Bethany A. I don't see any rude comments. A bridesmaids only responsibility is to purchase the dress and show up relatively sober. It is OP's & her SO responsibility to plan their wedding. If overwhelmed, hire a planner. Your planner would be your actual paid employee. If they aren't helpful, then you can "fire" them. See how that works?

No one is entitled to a shower or bachelorette/bachelor party just because they are getting married.

People have lives and as stated before, no one will care about your wedding as much as you.