A son is only a son until he marries his wife

I hear this on a regular basis from my FMIL. She straight out loathes me, and when I asked her what I could do to help her feel good about me and her son getting married, she looked me in the face and said "Nothing". She says that nothing is more precious than her little boy (and yet she "disowns" him every other week - literally!) and so in her eyes no one will ever be worthy of him. smh I think I finally have just come to the decision to give up trying with her.

Hopefully your situation will improve though and she'll see that she isn't really losing a son but gaining a daughter : )

I'm so happy my FMIL is amazing. FFIL not so much. But as a girl I connect with his mom more anyways so it doesn't bug me that I'm still an outsider taking his son away from the church in the eyes for FH's dad.

Well, I think women tend to mature earlier and stay in touch with their families through life, but men grow up more when they get married (or have a child) and realize that they need to take care of someone else.

I can honestly say that neither DH or I have cut ties with our families, were both very close to them. Although we don't live close to either set and mine is 4000 miles away in the US we see them almost the same amount except for we do spend Christmas with his bc we chose to stay here in Germany at Christmas and go to the States in the Summer months.

But I have a close friend whose Husband absolutely will not cut the umbilical cord with his mother and it's become a real problem in their marriage. Her MIL has something to say about everything and HE even allows access to their bank account. MIL asks her "Why did you spend $60 at Target, perhaps I had some of the things you needed?" Seriously! He has issues and I've suggested counseling which they have done some of but it really has not changed the situation and now they have their first child and it's only getting worse with MIL trying to tell her how to raise her daughter.

In the case of my H and many guys I know, they take care of their families of origin - parents and siblings. When they get married, they can't do that as much, at least to the same extent. Priorities get jumbled up and compete. And generally speaking, men just aren't as skilled at juggling competing priorities as women are.

Women tend to multitask and just do everything all at once, so I just don't think it's the same sense of change or loss that families have when their son gets married.

I think traditionally, women have been in charge of the family's social life. And when that is the case, the couple is likely to see more of her family than his. Anyone who doesn't like it should raise the sons to be more egalitarian in their roles.

OMG Gin, anyone but H and me having access to my bank account would be grounds for divorce in my book. Unh-unh. Unless I give you access to help me manage my money or for some other reason, back the eff up. Inappropriate!

FMIL has used this, but not in reference to us getting married. We were having a conversation about having kids and she used this phrase. She essentially said she expected our kids to be closer to my side of the family even though they are further away because, well, I'll always be there daughter.

I think it's supposed to be a way of saying when a son gets married he becomes a man and starts his own family. Daughters becoming wives but are always daughters because of the emotional bonds. I don't know.

FMIL is super sweet and we get along, so I know she didn't mean any harm.

She can only loose her son if she runs him off, I have never heard her saying, but I have always heard that you are not loosing a son, but you are gaining a daughter.

I have heard that saying, so I guess it would be wise for all our FMIL's to be kind and welcoming to us to make sure they don't actually "lose" their sons. Sadly it doesn't seem to happen like that.

My FH family doesn't care for me, but that's because I have higher standards and expectations, and don't want the government to pay my way. My FH and I also moved to another town (30 mins away) so they think that I took him away from them. When we moved, we had a one year old, and we each worked in this town, so it made sense. But we wanted to start our lives together, and not living with his mother forever, so I guess we were the ones that were wrong....

I get along great with my FMIL (she started introducing me as her FDIL about a week after she met me, well before he proposed). I even get along great with my FFIL and his wife. I think it's because he was an only child and they always wanted a daughter, and didn't get along well with his first wife (who was one who was veeeerrrry close to her family and didn't make much effort with them) Our parents still haven't met yet, but I hope that they get along as well as we do, as I don't want either of us to be too distanced from our families (we all live within 45 minutes of each other)

@Kris-OMG I know right?! That's what I tell her. Insane!

LOL ... that would be completely opposite for us. We cut ties with my MIL 100% and see my parents more....but I think what she did at our wedding gave us full right to cut ties.

I've never actually heard that saying before. I always hear, "I'm not loosing a son/daughter, I'm gaining a son/daughter."

I have heard this my entire life! and so has my FMIL. She can't let go of her baby boy to a horrible person like me.

Cydney I must have missed one heck of a story!

Gin - yikes. Your friend is in a for a long road there.

I wonder if this phrase started at all as a biblical reference. "Therefore a man leaves his father and mother to be united to his wife and they become one."

No matter which culture, somethings are universal. Same poop, different toilet. Enough said.

Cyndi,

I've seen you post a couple things about whatever it is your MIL did, but I missed the original story! Driving me crazy with curiosity (although I completely understand if you don't want to share)!

This is a very old saying, author unknown:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081230211457AA4GBe5

LOL Kris...ummm...yeah ya did! Were you under a rock right after my wedding?? LOL

Pretty much my MIL liked me prior to DH asking me to marry him and as soon as that happened everything turned upside down. She didn't like that I was spending $25K on our wedding (even though 100% of it was money my parents gave to us for the wedding), she didn't show up to my bridal shower, but when DH kicked his sister out of the wedding, all h*ll broke loose and she was pissed...blamed me. When DH went away for his 1 week bachelor party she called me and lectured me for 2 hours!!! I was so upset after I got of the phone. I tried playing nice the entire time leading up to our wedding b/c I didn't want her to do something crazy or cause any drama on our wedding day. Fast forward to our wedding day, not only did my MIL show up in all black and looks pissed off in every single pic she happens to be in...but after I was pulled aside and told DH's uncle made my MIL cry and I stood there for 10 minutes (cont)