A son is only a son until he marries his wife

On my wedding day to apologize to her for that and to invite her to our brunch the following morning...she stood there and ignored me or turned her back to me. I finally got sick of dealing with it and walked away. I was being rude to other guests. I went and told my mom what was going on (who is the nicest, most kind and gracious human I know) and my mom was upset and went to talk to my MIL and to invite her to the brunch...well my MIL took it upon herself to take her anger for ME out on my mom...she yelled at my mom for 20 minutes in front of guests, near the dessert table, during our reception!!! My mom didn't even say anything, she just stood there astonished at what was happening. My mom was so embarrassed and upset b/c guests tried to say goodbye and they couldn't b/c they were uncomfortable with what was going on. What was worse was that nobody told me what was going on, so my mom took this abuse for 20 min until DH came and told me what was going on. I grabbed my MOH and (cont)

Told her that if she didn't get my mom away from my evil MIL that I would end up spending my wedding night in jail. She instantly b-lined it for my mom and snatched her away from the h*ll my MIL was giving her. I was so angry and upset at what happened. For 2 months after our wedding I heard from NUMEROUS guests about what they saw and what happened and it only fueled my anger for her. 2 weeks after our HM my DH tried to talk to her about it and she made excuse after excuse for why she did what she did or why she wrote to only my DH in OUR guestbook, or why this or why this...all we heard was "correct me if I'm wrong" or "I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree"

It has only been recently where I've been okay to say...I think I'm ready to talk about my upset with your mom to my DH and to start the forgiving process.

Having access to you and your spouses banking account...seriously? What man would allow that?

Thanks for posting that link Kathy R. I like the response that the person left. It makes sense what they said how the relationship changes and how the wife takes the place of the mother.

Shoot ... double post.

Bleh...takes the place of the mother? Do we really want to be our husband's new mom? That sounds terrible.

Cydney, you are funny! Now that I re-read my comment, that does sound pretty bad!

That is so bizzar, I just heard this saying for the first time over the weekend. My FMIL and I were talking about how I am totally going to be the clingy MIL when my son grows up, and how FH will have to worry about our daughter every day of her life, not just until she is 18.

My MIL says stuff like that in really odd contexts. Before we got married she used to say that my H and his younger brother will be buried with her but the oldest son is married so it's his wife's call.

I spent many years looking for an adult man, exactly so that I don't have to "take place of his mother" lol!

I dont think any one has to cut ties but I have heard the saying "A daughter is a daughter for life, and a son is only your son until he marries his wife". What I have been taught it means is parents will always take care of their daughter even once she is married,. But once a man becomes a husband his wife becomes his number one girl, caring, protecting and providing for her is first and some of the things a mom depends on ie: grass cut, trash out cant always be done and also the things moms love to do for their sons cook , clean etc. she no longer has the joys od doing because those are the wifes duties.

I have not heard the saying. However, FMIL is having a difficult time cutting the cord. For example; she still cuts FH's hair. He insists it saves money; I think it is pathetic, but I do not interfere. I feel that there are a lot of unresolved issues between them, and I am caught in the middle. FH prefers to maintain the status quo (he is a classic middle child) and avoids confrontation and conflict. Although it has been difficult; things are getting better.

Holy crap Cydney! I think maybe that's around the time I was getting active on WW so maybe I just didn't know you or what was going on?

I find it difficult to forgive mean, hurtful behavior when that person is delusional enough to think they are actually the victim. All I've figured out so far is that I can't expect anything from a person like that and I have to write them off a bit to shake it off and move on. When you figure out a better tactic can you let me know?

Mrs S, that is so bizarre. There was talk of burial plots when FMIL died, and I'm pretty sure the expectation is that all siblings are going to be buried with their parents no matter what, and those of us who marry them may or may not have room to join the party. Is it possible to be overbearing even in death? Good lord.

Haha...Mrs D ... yes, yes it did!

LOL Kris ... it might have been! The woman is truly off her rocker...and honestly, that's about what I did. I needed to heal myself and heal what happened before I could even look into the future and even start to forgive my MIL.

Wow. And how did your H handle it?

I find that I have to really curb my expressions of disappointment/anger about his family's behavior at our wedding, b/c even though it hurt and upset me, it hurts and upsets him even more. I can't imagine how he feels when he sees my family smiling, laughing, joking, and having the best time ever in our video and pictures....and then he pans to the few shots of his family members and it looks like they're attending a funeral.

We try to give both familys equal time. I also have a FMIL who can not let go of her son. Anytime we want to do something with just my family or by ourselvers she finds a way to show up or do something to cause a fight or ruin the day for him. He is an only child so I just hope that one day she will see it as not losing a son but gaining a daughter.

I've heard it before too. I think a son will always be a son. There is a happy medium where mom does not interfere in the relationship but is there to support her son

This is probably the exception rather than the rule as I have heard horrible stories about MIL, thank God not from experience

I've never heard this before but my FMIL (who I have an amazing relationship with) keeps telling me she's gaining a daughter. And my parents started calling FH "son in law" while were dating. When we got engaged he was promoted to "son" lol.

@Beth L. a lady I used to work with years ago explained it to me like this. I know my daughter's child is my daughters, BUT my son's child I do not know. She went on to say that because her daughter gave birth to the child and she don't know if he son slept with and product a child with the girl she don't know his child I so understand her because I lived it with my daughter & her grand mother made such a big difference in my daughter than she did with her daughter. She kept giving me reason as to why she felt she didn't have to do for my daughter, but had to do for her own daughter kids sad but true and she is the youngest grandchild at 18 years old now. The aunt's did the same thing so now she don't fool with them but visit her dad alot and they see her over there and say its my fault that she don't come visit them. REALLY? LOL Thanks funny!!!!

I have never heard this!!!! Wow! And I had no idea that it used to be the daughter "kind of" cut ties w/ her family. It made me sad! I would NEVER ever do that, my family is so very important. I couldn't imagine either one of us not being as close w/ our families.

Your mother in law is completely right from all the experiences I have seen.

My bro, marries his wife moves to her town where her parents live

my BGF best guy friend. Getting married, moves to a town and buys a multi apt house that the wifes mom can live in.

My best friend, after marriage lived in her moms basement apt till they could buy a house.

Girls wanna stay near their mommas, usually for when they have babies. Men typically go where their lady wants to be. (not us, mostly cause my mom lives with my dad and I have NO interest being near him, so I would consider moving 6hrs to the inlaws) but if my dad was out of the picture I'd wanna stay near my mom, I love her to bits.

I want at least one girl, cause the way I figure it your son leaves when he finds a wife and has no use for you. Your daughters need you to help with their babies, to bitch to and have a tea etc. And obvi your own mom knows you better than your MIL.

Ya, Cydney I remember you saying that before, but didn't really understand the gravity of the situation til I read that, that other people were noticing and things, your poor mom! :-(

But barring circumstances like drama and things, I've never been under the assumption that guys are more distanced from their moms just cuz they get married. DS and I always view it as a joining of two families..However, I do feel a bit guilty cuz I snatched (lol) here to the US from his home country..well not snatch we went through the proper channels, I just mean snatching from his mom/family..But we are going to make efforts to visit, when I met his family they were also nice!! I just need to brush up on my Spanish skills, I wish I could talk with his mom more..she cried when I had to leave to come back here, it was cute!

Generally though, research shows women are more likely to be like the family networker so to speak, like call to gather for holidays, organize those types of social support, etc.