A Reception Roast?

I think the rehearsal dinner is WAY more appropriate for a roast (IF he insists...I'd be mortified too!) The people who will be there are the people who are closest to you and who will understand what's going on...the folks at the reception might wonder what kind of @$$holes you guys have as friends, if they're insulting you (even in a funny way) at your own wedding! I'd put my foot down and nix this one...maybe even go as far as to let the DJ or MC in on it so they know to stop it if it starts.

Thanks Kat! I'm pretty easygoing about most things, but I feel strongly that weddings shouldn't be too heavy on the speeches. Even if they're funny and entertaining, people glaze over after a while.

It reminds me of that movie "Rachel Getting Married" where basically EVERYONE at both the rehearsal and the wedding stood up and gave a speech - I remember thinking that if I went to a wedding like that, I'd be bored out of my skull and have to sneak out the back door.

Shannon, put your foot down on this one.

We had to explain to my toe dysmorphic sister that it was NOT appropriate to make a roast wedding toast. I can't believe someone thinks it's a good idea for an entire reception! Even if people didn't get bored out of their skulls by that many speeches, I agree with Kat--a wedding is not the place to insult the guest of honor.

Jass - Thanks!

Cabell - I don't think he means the entire reception, but an open mike/roast for the duration of the meal. My fiance is an enthusiastic person, so sometimes he gets really, really into an idea and gets carried away. I'm thinking I'll let it sit for a while and see if he gets bored with the idea.

Well, I didn't think the WHOLE reception, but all the speeches--or even a good portion of them. Sounds like you know how to deal with it, but if he doesn't get bored, I definitely think this is worth putting your foot down over.

Cabell - Thanks. I love his enthusiasm, but sometimes he gets carried away and doesn't notice when others are less thrilled with an idea. Our reception is going to be very casual - in a pub, beer and sliders. So I don't think the toasts have to be formal - I just think there's a line where it's 1. too much yammering! and 2. not really appropriate.

Maybe you could do something funny to limit everyones' toast time to 2 minutes? Like set a stopwatch and get an oversized hook to pull them off the stage of they go over? You could also include a "sensor button" if people get too out of control (a horn would work). It would definitely be original and funny.

Also, is there any chance you could extend at your venue for an extra hour to allow both you and your FH to include the things you like best?

Chris - I like the idea of a stopwatch or a hook, and limiting the speeches! I figure anyone with the nerve to get up and make fun of us should also be able to handle being told to wrap it up. I really don't want a roast, because that much attention will stress me out. But maybe we can work on a compromise - like speakers have to be cleared in advance.

The MC is probably going to be one of the groomsmen, because he's an outgoing and funny guy. I'd already planned on talking to him ahead of time and saying, hey, here are some sensitive points folks shouldn't crack jokes about. (For example, my mom's side of the family is Australian, and there's ALWAYS some American who has to make a joke about Aussies being criminals. It makes my mom nuts.)

Unfortunately, our venue is a bar that only does 3-hour blocks. And our room has to be open to the public by 10 pm. So I've been working really hard to keep the performance stuff down to a bare minimum, so people can dance and enjoy the party.

Oh, I never think it is appropriate to roast the bride, just the GROOM!

I actually had a lot of speeches at my wedding and it was too much...I mean, each person should really be limited to a minute or less.

Short, sweet and to the point...the longer speeches should be reserved for the best man and possibly MOH, if she likes public speaking.

Otherwise, just get on with the dancing and eating, and socializing!

I feel like if people wanted to congratulate you or say something witty or wise to you on marriage/relationships etc, they can write it on a wishing well card, and you can read them on your HM!

Otherwise, it becomes more about the speaker and attention getting rather than the focus on the bride and groom.

We will be doing roasts at our reception BUT our reception is more of a party and very casual. I definitely don't think roasts are appropriate for a typical, traditional wedding. I would compromise with him by maybe letting him select a few people, and having them limited on time.

My friend really embraced the "roast" idea at her wedding because her FS wanted to do it. If your FS will not compromise this is what they did: they had the DJ announce the that were going to have a "toast and roast of the bride and groom" and then allowed people to come up to the DJ booth and fill out a card with their best toast or roast of the bride and groom. Then during dinner the bride and groom quickly looked though the cards and choose the top 4 or 5 to give speeches. It was very humorous, weeded out the un-tasteful stories and as a guest was pretty fun to hear.

Jillane that's a really good way to pick and choose.

So Im curious...I saw a VERY similar question asked on the Dear Prudie section of Slate.com

see here- http://www.slate.com/id/2260265/

did you also ask this there?

Bluedaisy - Busted! If only because there couldn't possibly be TWO brides named Shannon whose fiance wanted a roast!

Haha...I didnt even notice the name..just the very similar wording!

so what...we arent good enough advice givers? you have to go to the *expert*??? just kidding. Hope youve gotten help and maybe your FI will listen to prudie if not us!

Bluedaisy - Ha! Less "good enough" and more that I was interested in how much the advice would differ. WW is along the lines of "you go girl! it's your day!" and Slate's commenters are "I hate weddings! Every bride is a bridezilla!" So I figured I'd average the two together and see what I got.

Haha, I just saw the question on Prudie and had to come back to investigate! Shannon, good luck on this! I know I would be so uncomfortable if my wedding turned into a roast.

Thanks gang...hold on, will post an update momentarily.